Ron Cowie wonders why a little nipple is such a big deal.

Truth be told, I didn’t watch the Oscars so this whole J-Lo breast meat question is news to me. I’ve seen the pictures though and I agree with her, just for the sake of being nice. Her breasts were held in place using double stick tape. There was no nipple showing.

Now, for the sake of argument, lets pretend that part of her nipple was showing. What does that mean? Jennifer Lopez, that nice woman with the big backyard, has breasts and nipples. I got five bucks that she also has a vagina and a clitoris. An extra ten says she has an anus. I take all of this on faith without needing any proof.

I want to get deep for a minute. I’m interested in seeing how bright young things comport themselves when the light gets a little dimmer.

Let’s take a look at recent J-lo activity:

You did the Fiat commercial, which everyone hated; your acting career is somewhere in the wilderness trying to find you; and your marriage tanked. Now the only thing people are wondering about is if they saw a little bit of your nipple. Can it get any worse? Sure, but why think about such things.

Jennifer, I want you to have a successful second part of your career. Let’s see you in a movie or two. How about taking some real singing lessons?
I want you to have a healthy, meaningful relationship with someone you can and do grow old with. Wouldn’t that be great?

I don’t need to see your nipples by design or accident. Your body is yours and I respect whatever boundary you establish for it. You can go through the rest of your long life wearing sweaters for all I care. I’ll still send up a silent prayer for your success and happiness.

Photo: Chris Carlson/AP