Bad News: The White House Will Not Be Building a Death Star

In news that you’re not even remotely surprised to hear, the White House has rejected a petition to build a real-life Death Star.

The petition came in through the White House’s “We the People” website, where they promised they would respond to all requests that came in with at least 25,000 signatures. The Death Star request met that requirement.

Shockingly, science and technology advisor Paul Shawcross did not see a way in which building a Star Wars-inspired Death Star was going to make fiscal or logical sense for the United States. The Washington Post explains:

Shawcross explained that at $850 quadrillion, the cost was simply too high in a time of tight budgets. Moreover “the administration does not support blowing up planets.” And anyway, “Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?”

Shawcross, chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget, went on to argue that the various space projects the White House has launched are at least as cool as a Death Star. (Debatable.)

Now, let’s get to work on genetically engineering a Wookie.

Sexy wind-blown snowy Chewbacca

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About Joanna Schroeder

Joanna Schroeder is the type of working mom who opens her car door and junk spills out all over the ground. She serves as Executive Editor of The Good Men Project and is a freelance writer whose work has appeared on sites like xoJane, hlntv.com, and The Huffington Post. Joanna loves playing with her sons, skateboarding with her husband, and hanging out with friends. Her dream is to someday finish her almost-done novel and get some sleep. Follow her shenanigans on Twitter.

Comments

  1. Now, let’s get to work on genetically engineering a Wookie.
    Ewoks. It’s all about the Ewoks.

  2. Now, I’m all about teh Star Wars, but creating a real live Death Star? That’s just ridiculous. Especially when a working AT-AT would be much cheaper and infinitely more useful….

    • Mr Supertypo says:

      It doesent surprise me at all considering there are even people pushing for building the USS Enterprise. Go figure the death star….

  3. wellokaythen says:

    First of all, if the Pentagon was going to build a Death Star, it wouldn’t tell everyone it was going to do so. We would expect it to be a top secret project. Just like there was no such thing as a stealth fighter, even when the Air Force had working prototypes. There’s no such thing as the National Security Agency, and the CIA would never spy on American soil.

    Second of all, let’s not forget what happened to the two that we know about. SERIOUS design flaws, obviously. Some punk-ass New Age farmboy processing his feelings gets a lucky ejacu- I mean shot and the whole thing blows up? Death Star 2.0 had the protective field generator OUTSIDE the Death Star. Whose idea was that? Maybe the White House is being literal, and the U.S. is merely building a better version but called something else.

    Third, ironic that any leader of one of the biggest consumers and polluters on the planet, and still in possession of a large thermonuclear arsenal is adamant that we are not into destroying planets. I think he’s referring to destroying OTHER planets.

    • Mr Supertypo says:

      wellokaythen, you should know that the death star when it was destroyed was far from finish. second, if pentagon wanted to build the death star for real there would be no way in heaven or earth they could do it secretly. And as you know there is a big difference between a airplane and the D.S who is almost moon sized.

  4. Mr Supertypo says:

    Wut? no death star?

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  5. I was flicking past this page in my Rss feed and had to do a double take. Either I’m way too sober, or that picture of Chewbacca is such that when you glance at it you see a Mr Matlack and you wonder if he’s having a bad hair day!

Trackbacks

  1. […] to a petition requesting a real-life Death Star space ship. Of course, they replied, “Are you freakin’ kidding me?” (paraphrased). But they still replied, and that was pretty […]

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