This video has gone viral at 9 million views and appearance on all the major news outlets.
A few important questions here:
1) Have we lost our way so profoundly as fathers that a guy putting bullet holes in his daughter’s property is symbolic of what we are all not doing?
2) Do you think there is some kind of gender abuse here with a male father using his gun to punish his female daughter?
3) Does anyone know if the kid’s laptop was ever replaced or needed for school?
4) Do we need more tough love and less bending over backwards to accomodate our children’s ever whim?
5) Why wouldn’t a dad feeding his baby daughter a bottle or cooking her dinner or giving her a hug go viral instead of a guy with a gun?
6) Dude, really you need to smoke while making this love letter to your kid? What’s with the cig?
Discuss.
As is often the case in this country, I think this guy’s ridiculous behavior has been given way too much attention. While I imagine the producers of the next crop of bullshit reality television shows salivating over getting the rights to him I find myself again wondering: Just what would life will be like in Sweden for me?
I have been checking this video over and there are a number of inconsistencies that bear consideration. The father makes references to Three Parents – himself, mother and stepmother. Whilst shooting his gun it is specified that one bullet relates to “… and after that comment you made about your mom, your mom told me to make sure I put one there for her – so that one’s from her…” – yet the other video content does not reveal what that comment was and which person it was made to – mother or step-mother. More than meets the eye! The… Read more »
The amoral pragmatist in me sees it this way: Whether he’s a bully or not, whether shooting a laptop as punishment is justified or not, I cannot see how this is really going to improve the situation at home. If the goal is to get the daughter to change her behavior, act more respectful, act more mature, and accept her role in the household, I cannot see how this is really going to make that happen. Does he expect she will see this and then it will dawn on her that she’s been wrong all along and will forever after… Read more »
Hmm this is another good way to think about it.
Pesky linguistic note here:
There should be a decimal before 45. It should say that he used a “.45” if the reference is the calibre of a firearm. If he used a “45” without a decimal point, then he shot her laptop with a vinyl record, which would make an even more remarkable video.
Hmmm… my daughter is petulant, whiny and ungrateful.
SO… I will be petulant, whiny and destructive.
That’ll teach her!
Yeah, that taught her alright, It taught her that saying something that is petulant and whiny is a shooting offence. It taught her that it is never possible to talk it out, issue an apology or control her own reactions with her parents. It also has taught her to lie, to keep secrets and to be sure her parents never get access to her stuff again.
But, hey! She sure learned her lesson!
he did not actually disipline his teen. He got revenge on her. There is a difference between the two. If he was going to punish her for posting the letter than perhaps having her post an apology would be more in order. Then, take away FB time, have her do extra chores or even have her volunteer helping out the elderly in the community. to destory property that was entrusted or blonged to her out of spite is not in any way shape or form dicipline. It’s revenge! I would also like to point out a few laws he broke:… Read more »
I could be wrong, but… I don’t think Tom’s questions #2 about whether people saw it as a gender issue was intended to suggest that he saw it that way. In light of being called to task many times for being surprised when GMP reaers read gender issues into things – including his recent advice to moms for raising sons post – I saw the question as acknowledging (and anticipating) those folks. It may have even been a little tongue in cheek, but he only *asked* if there was a gender issue – he didn’t say why he thought there… Read more »
It sounds like the wife is 100% in agreement with the father here, so why is it a gender issue?
I can understand the visceral “Hell, yeah!” reaction to this guy’s video. It’s the same rush of vicarious joy I get when watching Bruce Willis blow away the bad guys in Die Hard or Kiefer Sutherland squeeze the world-saving information out of the terrorists on 24. That’s a normal, human, reaction to someone actively and expressly dealing with a frustration or fear that we can all relate to in one way or another. But just because it’s “normal” doesn’t mean it’s healthy or helpful. Let’s reframe the situation a little to remove some of the unimportant details that people are… Read more »
The guy is a macho idiot. His IQ is probably about the size of the caliber of slug he was using. He should be arrested for discharging a firearm in such a dangerous way. And what is the bid deal with Facebook? My wife and I, all our kids, most of our family and friends are all on it. My eighteen-year-old and twenty-nine year old daughters, both spend a fair bit of time on Facebook. My younger daughter is fairly innocent and has only had sex with a couple of steady boyfriends. Her profile pictures sometimes portray a girl who… Read more »
IMHO: That was WAY too much drama for any infraction short of cyber-porn.
He fails to see that this FB post of her’s was simply pay-day. It was a culmination of the errors and weaknesses found in his parenting. Quite frankly, he’s got a serious case of Ass Hole Syndrome.
Her nature, character and make-up is the result of the management; HIM.
Is she a spoiled, no-character brat? Hell yes! But who raised this girl from birth? Mirror man did! Mr Shooty.
Put your gun and your damn camera away and “stick yer own boot up yer own ass!”
What.
So she gets none of this from her friends, peer pressure doesn’t exist and her friends that she has had and their experiences in life do not influence her in any way, shape or form? It is all his fault?
Please.
Well….yeah. I have to stand on the FB Post as prima-facie evidence of piss-poor character no matter this; no matter that…even though… Character, within the expressed behavior of children, is a direct function of their training. (I prefer the term “training” v “raising” regarding children, as you “raise” pigs and chickens, you “train” children.) This given cannon of Rob’s World of Order leads to sub-code (a): “If you don’t raise your children, MTV will.” The world will truly pick up any slack we, as parents, leave in the training of our children. So looking to the friends, peer-pressure, the twinky… Read more »
the dad sounds like a YouTube troll. there are plenty of them these days…doing things they normally wouldn’t do and taking things to extreme to gain attention. he also has anger issues. I think he is behaving worse than his daughter and foolishly broadcasting his poor parenting skills for the world to see. Kids complain all the time, parents better get used to it. I bet she’s not the only teenager complaining about chores on Facebook; but at least she’s doing them? Occupiers also complain and have grievances – what are you going to do, shoot them…or shoot their tents/signages???… Read more »
A lot of people are convinced his daughter is acting out because he was too permissive, that he’s using tough love too late. The thing is, ‘tough love’ taken too far usually backfires. It usually turns into a war, NOT someone getting back into line, so then it escalates and escalates. I’m not trying to be touchy-feely; it’s just how human beings tend to work. Be honest with yourself – do you always back down and get on your best behavior when someone threatens you, or do you usually fight back? Is this because you were spoiled as a kid?… Read more »
Best post yet!
Agreed.
I am willing to wager a small sum of money that his daughter will make him a grandfather at some point in the next three years. I’ll even give you odds. How does 4 to 1 sound?
Yes, I’m a snob, engaging in all sorts of stereotypes. Tell me I would lose the bet.
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. What’s he going to shoot when he finds out she’s pregnant? Or WHO is he going to shoot?
Good question. And sad question.
I guess I’m a tightwad. If I paid for a laptop, I wouldn’t destroy it. I’d take it away from her, wipe it clean, and sell it. Or get a cheaper lookalike and shoot it instead. I hope he at least rescued some of the components first. I’m not an IT guy, but: Should it really take _6 hours_ to update all that stuff on a laptop?…. Making her pay for the bullets he used in destroying her laptop is a bad sign, as if the destruction itself wasn’t enough. In China, when someone is executed by firearm, the government… Read more »
Awesome post! Humorous and on point. 🙂
1. It wasn’t “her” property, it was his. He bought, he maintained, he owned it. She was only being allowed to use it by his grace. When she abused it, she lost it, end of story. It’s symbolic of what modern society doesn’t allow us to do as parents. We are admonished, punished, and belittled for attempting to teach our own kids lessons about consequences. 2. Gender abuse? Are you completely out of your mind?! This is a parent dealing with one of their offspring. That’s where it begins, and that’s where it ends. Gender abuse. You are a certifiable… Read more »
Did you notice that questions 2 and 4 are suggestive of very different perspectives? In fact, all the questions vary in perspective to some degree. Also, this isn’t a news site, intended to be simply “objective reporting.” It encourages an exchange of ideas, which I appreciate, even when the philosophies expressed are wildly different from my own (which is the case with almost your whole post). I can agree with you on one point. A laptop is a luxury item, not a necessity.
“Yes! We need a lot more tough love. Children these days are insufferable. They know nothing of respect because our modern bleeding heart society has our hands tied as parents. We’re not able to discipline our children in a way that will teach them about respect and consequences.” Let me respond to this quote with another of mine: “I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on the frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words. When I was a boy, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of… Read more »
Well said, Evan.
I absolutely love that quote and will now have to steal it from you for conversations like this one. Thanks, Evan.
Also, am I the only one who finds it strange that the people who constantly complain about “kids these days” are never, ever actually NICE to said kids?
Just sayin’, if you actually treated us like human f*cking beings, we might return the favor.
As for the gender abuse part, I didn’t see any overt mentions of gender roles here. Okay, maybe his son wouldn’t have the same household chores as his daughter, but I get the feeling he would have shot up his son’s laptop in the same situation.
Please also notice, on the question of gender roles, that her mom said put a bullet in it for her, too.
I’m not a parent myself, but I bet one reason it’s gone viral is because there are millions of parents who are feeling the same way right now. They’re feeling the same anger and disappointment and frustration. The use of the gun actually takes up a tiny part of the video, which is mostly a response to a larger argument about his daughter’s role in the house. Not the most constructive approach to parent/child communication, it seems to me, but his anger sounds perfectly warranted. The way his daughter went about communicating was bad, too. She actually had a few… Read more »
Thanks for the great points you make about gun safety.
PS I love your questions, Tom, especially #5.
I see a weak man trying to prove he is bigger and stronger than his teenage daughter. He uses the very same tactic that he is punishing her for (public disrespect). I wouldn’t be surprised if her parents have modeled this kind of behavior before, given his demeanor. He won this battle but at what cost to his relationship with his daughter. He could have followed through, with quiet strength, on his earlier warning that consequences would get stronger. He could have done this with consistency and love rather than a macho display of what happens when you are unable… Read more »
Only the girl’s friends ever saw that post on Facebook. Yet he chooses to humiliate her in front of the entire world and nuke her social life at least until college? Yeah, that’s good parenting. Maybe at the same time he should’ve killed her favorite pet? That’ll teach ‘er! Honestly, does he even know what 15 year olds are like? At least by and large, they’re emotional and hormonal. She probably posted that up when she was pissed off about something her parents did. Anyway, like someone above me said, posting annoyed Facebook statuses is basically just the modern equivalent… Read more »
Absolutely! Great comment.
Parents need to take classes on How and Why teens Think and Act, the daughter’s attitude is normal 15 year-old. She is a developing child rebelling even if there is little to rebel at!
Shooting her lap-top is not productive, is an indirect threat to her, yet, I can understand the dad’s frustration. Hey – you have a teenager one thing is sure, you will NOT win. Their brains have not developed to that point yet, so communicate with words and love and guidance. And Good Luck!
This guy is not a good parent. Humiliating your daughter online in front of the entire world is not good parenting, it’s cyberbullying.
I totally agree with you.
Agreed!
Some kids, it’s tough to get their attention. I was involved in some Dean of Students work in college. The escalation was, if the guy wouldn’t quit doing whatever the thing was, he would be talked to by increasingly better-paid officials. Strangely, it never had any effect. Stuff like suspension sometimes worked. But you have to get somebody’s attention according to their values, not yours. Being talked to by anonymous officials doesn’t impress some folks. It appears that Dad and Mom in this situation didn’t make themselves sufficiently authority figures in her life. Consequences are important. The less you are… Read more »
Well said.
9 hours or so of sleep are required by teenagers to function properly, 10-5am is 7 hours so she’s probably sleep deprived for one. Wasting 500+ dollars is pretty shitty, would have been much better to format the laptop and donate it to someone in need. As for your questions, I wouldn’t say it’s gender abuse at all and shooting the laptop is pretty shitty but posting it online is the concerning bit. A teenager isn’t fully mentally developed and expecting them to act like an adult is a bit much, quite frankly it sounds like she’s overloaded with chores… Read more »
I love your idea of donating the laptop, rather than wasting. Great Point.