On his HLN show, Dr Drew featured an interview with the Moonlite Bunny Ranch’s Brooke Taylor, where he inquires about her life as a sex worker, how her conscience handles having sex with married men, and why she believes it’s better for a man to visit her than to have an emotional affair.
While this video is clips and cuts of the full interview, I think Taylor manages to tap into some interesting ideas. First, she proposes that most of the married men she services at The Bunny Ranch love their wives but are searching for some variety. Most of it is, as she says, “assisted personal pleasure”.
What was most intriguing to me, as a person who believes that prostitution should be legalized, is that she believes it’s a better choice for these guys to visit her, a prostitute, than to start in on affairs which can spread disease and cause drama that is more likely to interfere with a man’s family. At the Bunny Ranch, the women are tested regularly for STDs and condoms are mandatory.
Taylor is also willing to admit that the listening, empathizing, and flattery that Bunny Ranch prostitutes offer married men—which is such a big part of why their business booms—is shallow and put-on, and believes that they should be resolving these things with their wives. However, if they’re going to be having sex with someone, she feels it’s respectful for them to choose to have sex in an established and clean professional environment.
What do you think? Is it possible for a married man to visit the Bunny Ranch without his wife’s knowledge, and to still truly love his wife?
Is it better for a man to go to a professional for his sex needs than to have an affair or risk disease by being with a prostitute that isn’t in a healthier environment, such as the Bunny Ranch? Or does the betrayal of having extramarital sex carry equal weight no matter with whom a person has sex?
Is the Bunny Ranch an example of what good could come from legalized prostitution, or is it just another “happy hooker” story, masking the pain caused by sex work?
There are several loopholes in the above argument. 1) Why doesn’t the husband talk to his wife about his sexual needs? He may be pleasantly surprised, his wife may be up to variety and if not then he needs to talk with his wife not pay for prostitutes. 2) When a man pays for a prostitute he is using the family money to fund his extra marital sexual activities. 3) From my own experience I would be deeply wounded as a wife if I knew my husband was having sex with prostitutes even more so than emotional affair as our… Read more »
To borrow from Steven Covey-
Love is a doing more than it is a feeling.
I’m sure cheaters may still feel love for their wives, but sure aren’t reflecting that in their actions, which are far more important.
Why should men trust a woman who is going to tell them one thing in the bedroom and another thing in public? I mean the way that Taylor admits that the kind of talk that goes on between sex workers and their clients is shallow and a put-on, but that these men should really work things out with their wives. I can’t help but imagine that a lot of that put-on talk is things like, “You’re right, she doesn’t understand you.” Maybe having an affair will cause emotional drama, or maybe you can learn to have relationships and treat people… Read more »
Of course a prostitute will claim that. She has a business to run after all. Married men are just the last fully tapped out market.
both mens and womens shall realize that sex is the best chemical antidoct to infidelity. Is a drug, Is called oxitocin.
my girlfriend of two years breakup with me because we had a little misunderstanding and ever since i have been trying to get her back but she insist not,i try everything within my powers to get her back but the hole thing was getting worse so i cry to the internet for help and i saw a testimony of how a spell caster help her to get her ex back,i contacted him and explain my problems to him and he cast a spell for me which i use in getting back my ex and now we are about to get… Read more »
Two of my friends are idiots.Why married a woman with kids that are 6,7 years old.They gonna end up take care of these kids for the exhusband.When the kids finish college And start making money They will know their father not you that take care of them.I know one of my friends,who take care of his wife ex husband kids since the age of 6And 7 until They finish college at the age of 24.Soon They start working she divorce my friend And go back to her exhusband.Thats why any men should have experience with prostitutes in your lifetime,maybe give… Read more »
I was talking to a girl one day .She told me if i give her my paycheck she can be my wife.I told her are you crazy.With 1/4 of my my paycheck i can get me a lot of pretty looking girls of different race.I heard people talk about couple that have been married for 60 years.well i think you people are talking about history now.That was back in 1940,when a loaf of bread cost 5 cents.Now you go to the grocery store you buy grocery for 100$ And the cart still empty.You will not see it these days people… Read more »
Me And my exwife we have dating since1987.And we been married in 2000,its never cross my mind that one day we will separate,after we been together for so long.But she decide to go her separate way i 2009we were divorsed.Ever since then i live by myself guess what i have a two of my friends that still married.They be calling in regular basis asking me to find them some girl to spend time with .I ask them what about your wife?So thats where the problem in a relashionship 90% of the problem is not coming from the men but from… Read more »
First of all, to my mind the morality of prostitution is not the same issue as the legality of prostitution. Something can be immoral and still be legal. (I tend to think that about abortion – why can’t something be wrong AND be legal?) Making prostitution legal does not necessarily signal that it’s morally acceptable. Cheating on one’s committed partner is wrong, but that doesn’t mean that adultery should be illegal. Second of all, the title question is oversimplified. Some men who cheat love their partners, and some who cheat do not. Some men loathe their wives and still remain… Read more »
In regards to this article, I think what is “better” is if married men, that promised loyalty and commitment to their woman, actually practice loyalty and commitment. But if that happened, then I guess The Bunny Ranch would loose some business. I also do think a man can love his wife and cheat with other women. But he clearly does not respect her or what they have. Utlimately what he cares about is himself and his needs primarily. This to me reflects a very self serving kind of person. If he cared about his relationship and the needs of his… Read more »
I think anyone who enters a marriage or committed relationship should practice commitment and loyalty to their partner.
what your opinion on what amy wrote? she wrote her experience as a cheater, but as a women. I think its better to learn what makes a “human” cheat, not just simply blaming men and judge how they think ( like you always do, cough cough )
They might love their wives, but that is not the kind of love I would ever want. I’m sure these men wouldn’t want their dad to see a prostitute behind their mother’s back, or for their daughter’s boyfriend to see one behind her back. They probably wouldn’t appreciate it if their brother-in-law was having sex with prostitutes behind his sister’s back. Or, even if he has a good friend who is (a straight) female, he would probably advise her to leave her significant other, had he done the same. In fact, he might want to beat the crap out of… Read more »
Some people may be born poly just as some may be born homosexual. For such persons, being with more than one person concurrently would be what they naturally lean toward. But, this society in general does not permit that. They are negatively labeled in the harshest of terms(e.g. cheaters). So, most try to soldier on leading a mongamous life, often unsuccessfully.
“So, most try to soldier on leading a mongamous life, often unsuccessfully.”
You got it. If we can be OK with gay marriage, then we should allow for all other forms such as poly……We should even allow harems.
Personally, I do not feel the state even has the right to tell people anything about marriage, period. If you want to have 5-10 wives or husbands, so be it. Why should it be the state’s business.
I say too hell with society.
this is an interesting statement. i think there also may be deeply rooted emotional issues that spur cheating. i agree with the statement that more women would be cheaters if not for social pressures and the limited access to male prostitutes. i also think that women who have children are able to glean a certain amount of lacking ego boosts from their children, in a way that many men cannot. Our little boys are hugging us, telling us we’re beautiful, our little girls tell us they want to be like us. This is obviously not a sexual fulfillment, but it… Read more »
Thanks for sharing this very personal information with us.
That is an insulting statement to the homosexual community. All men have a degree of a “poly” tendency, since they all have millions of sperm. Unlike being homosexual, you can resist being “poly” the same way I can decide not to eat if I’m on a diet. It’s not that I’m not hungry, but I have a specific goal in mind, whether it is losing weight or being loyal to someone who matters to me. I think people are just lacking in self discipline and allow themselves to just eat, cheat, become addicts, alcoholics (I have a family history on… Read more »
Anyone can choose to not act on their inborn desires, whether they be poly, homo, or bi-sexual or something else. Fact is, people make that choice all the time. To correct a misuderstanding, being poly is not just about needing/wanting to have sex with multiple people. It’s being born want/ingneeding to have relationships (usually including sex) with multiple people. However, due to societal prejudice, scorn, and threats of imprisonment, most poly’s deny it, or don’t even realize that they have the option to live as they desire. A good example of that is Tiger Woods. Very obviously poly. When he… Read more »
“Do you think Tiger was poly?”
He still is. Not telling his wife was cheating but HE is poly, just like the gent in this story is gay. Polys and gays can choose to act on their natural desires openly, do so secretly, or suppress them – which is what most polys are forced to do.
It’s just as much an orientation as being homosexual is. Many people find either one unthinkable. Others find one or even both irresistable, or at least very, very hard to resist.
He did act in a poly way, just as a married man or woman on the DL acts in a gay way. Being honest or dishonest has nothing to do with one’s orientation.
Now, some people claim that they have chosen to live a poly or gay lifestyle, evne if they don’t feel that they were born that way. That may be the confusion here.
Using the term non-monogamous is like calling gay (or homosexual) “non-heterosexual.”
I guess you could say it that way, but that considers the “nons” as others, outsiders, oddidities, which likely not what you are intending.
Referring to such persons as gay or poly is IMO more accurate and affords them the same dignity as heterosexual and monogamous people.
I see your point(s).
It can get complicated.
I’m referring to people who (for example) want polygamy re-legalized, or at least decriminalized.
“Until I see scientific evidence of this being accepted as an orientation, I will not accept it as such.” Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter to me personally whether you believe it or not. Many people feel the same way about homosexuality; that’s it’s selfish, just a choice, etc. Polys get into monogamous relationships for the same reasons that homosexuals used to get into heterosexual relationships; that was the only acceptable type of relationship. A homosexual relationship was scandalous and totally socially unacceptable. They often could not maintain them, however. The same turns out to be true of polys. Try as… Read more »
“I don’t understand how there is any difference between sex with one human female and another. There certainly isn’t between men. ”
That sounds really depressing to me. My experience has been quite the opposite.
My marriage was bad. During the day, it was consant criticism, and everything I did was wrong. (I told, statistically, I had to be doing something right on occasion.) During the night…whew. In the last 18 months of our marriage, I think we had sex, maybe, 6 times. I really tried to get her to discuss what was going on, both in and out of the bedroom. No dice. A typical answer was something like “You just make me mad.” When discussing my desire for sex, her response was to take care of myself in the bathroom. Despite the sexual… Read more »
It’s not just men who would like to have their cake and eat it to, the essentialism that our culture seems to buy into that men intrinsically just behave a certain way is BS. They do it because feel they can. Of course it’s exciting when you meet someone new, or when a really hot guy notices you, and maybe I might have a quick fantasy about it, but if I’m committed to someone else then plain and simply I gave my word that I would honor the relationship. Things change, and people need to periodically re-evaluate their situations and… Read more »
Sounds like have a cake and eat it too situation. Reminds me of Bun B’s line on “Miss Me”: “Got your wifey and your sidechick your getting the best of both girls”. To me he may love his wife, but he sees himself as more important
I think men who cheat on their wives have both sexual and emotional reasons. In a strictly sexual way, they are searching for the excitement of being with someone new, the appeal of new sensations and seeing a different person naked, touching and being touched by someone different. All the role play and fantasy in the world can never make your wife a different person entirely. Emotionally, It’s also an ego thing because men tend to feel validated by that sense of satisfaction in knowing you can get a girl and that you are still attractive to others. For me,… Read more »
I am always fascinated by those who believe prostitute sex is unfulfilling. especially to the prostitute. I have had some of the greatest sexual experiences of my entire life in parlors with women I’ve paid. Mind altering experiences. With her trembling and creaming all over me. The experiences have been clean, sweet, loving, disease free, and, oh yah, unforgettable. I don’t regret them. I don’t regret direct payment. Which by becoming friends with many of these ladies I’ve seen has clothed and fed their families. Let them buy whatever their heart desired. Paid for their education and we both had… Read more »
It’s possible to “love” your wife and still have sex with another woman. I know many women and some men don’t want to hear that, but you can watch an episode of Maury and hear guys pass a polygraph when it comes to “loving” their wives but fail when it comes being “faithful”. :o) You shouldn’t cheat or be dishonest because you have a moral standard, but asking a man not to cheat is like asking a woman not to shop :o). Sure, it’s possible, but maybe there would be less grief all around if we redefined our expectations. It’s… Read more »
Brooke Taylor says she offers fake empathy and fake flattery….and the men pay for the sex and the attention….I find this part interesting and a little disturbing…that men would need this kind of attention from women even though it’s fake… That seems to say that these men are narcissistic…they need attention from their wives, from the prostitutes (even though it’s pretend)….it’s like Guido in “8 1/2” (Fellini) who thrives on all the female attention as an adult because he thrived on it when he was growing up in the midst of all his female relatives…. Such men lie to themselves… Read more »
@Leia, I think you also missed the point. How often to husbands have to lie to thier wives to keep them happy and protect thier egos. These same husbands usually get scorn from the wife and the “honest” (subjective) truth thrown in thier faces. Most modern-day husnbands are expected to change for thier wives and take thier spouse “how-she-is” that is large hipercritical. Both parties in amarriage deserve the respect to be thier for each other, and sometimes that means “telling a white lie” or doing something to make the other spuse happy. Have you ever seen the show Gigalos?… Read more »
Uhhh, speaking as someone who has never in their entire life received that sort of attention and validation, I can state quite emphatically that nearly every human being needs this sort of attention to feel good. NO one wants to feel ignored and repulsive.
If a man isn’t happy with his marriage he should either work on it or leave. Same goes for women. Cheating is not the answer, whether or not it’s with a professional.
“If a man isn’t happy with his marriage he should either work on it or leave.”
First, BOTH parties should try to resolve the differences, if they feel this is indeed possible. If there is no resolution, mutually satisfactory, then the parties should agree to go in a different direction.
This is not just a man issue Sarah. There is another human being involved called his wife, partner, SO…..
Sarah, your comment is lacking in maturity.
You must have missed where I wrote, “same goes for women.”
I think you missed something from that interview. Sometimes it’s about feeling special, feeling validated, not getting eye rolls. more and more men are feeling marginalized and disrespected. I don’t think that should be overlooked. Like Brooke, I don’t think a prostitute is the answer they should be looking for, but it is what it is.
Generally I do think a man can visit a prostitute and still love his wife. I think it’s the emotional affairs that are far more damaging to families (not that this isn’t damaging, there are still trust issues caused by this).
It works both ways. My husband rolled his eyes, made faces, and spit his tongue out, and this is a guy who went to an Ivy League college! He cheated with a very immoral, scheming woman, lied to me, and blamed me for everything. He is extremely selfish and cannot take responsibiliy for any of his actions. He says he wants to stay married and that he “loves” me, but he refuses to go to counseling and he doesn’t want to talk or spend any time with me. I want to divorce and move on with my life, but he… Read more »
Go get the book- Freeing yourself from the Narcissist in your Life. It helped me!
According to the flawed definition of love, I guess maybe they do “love” their wives. But most relationships are not based on true love, but on selfish wants and desires. Cheating is just a reflection of the selfishness. One thing I’ve learned that proves to be true over and over again is that the one thing we think someone or the world is withholding from us, it’s the very thing that we are withholding from the world. The excuse of “Not getting what I need at home” is weak line for weak men, who aren’t strong enough to face their… Read more »
“The excuse of “Not getting what I need at home” is weak line for weak men, who aren’t strong enough to face their wives and their shortcomings, but instead will go to a woman who has no clue about his real character, and can see him the way he wants to be seen in that moment… even if it is a lie.” If the man is in a sexless marriage or relationship AND his wife is dismissive of his needs/desires, why is he the blame? Many married women simply have lost sexual interest in, gotten bored, or simply no longer… Read more »
I know of a man who truly loves his wife and child and will not leave them. His wife, however; has lost all interest in sex – for YEARS. He has talked with her many times and she rebuffs him. He does not want to leave but he feels alone and rejected. Is he such a terrible man if he turns to someone else for affection? What is his wife’s part in this? Why isn’t she to blame? Should he leave her just so he can have sex or should he stay with her and have sex with someone else?
Maybe she lost interest because the man is spending enough time with her and isn’t acting like a friend and partner. If the sex is good, and the man is caring and attentive, then the woman who most likely want to be with him. If the man is abusive or selfish, then the woman won’t want to be intimate with him. Men need to look within and stop blaming their wives. It takes a strong, honest man to take the high road and not cheat and lie to his wife. Remember, “Happy Wife, Happy Life.”
and women need to look within and stop blaming their husband. Many women lost interest in sex is not related to husband behaviour at all, shes juts not interested in sex. Are you ignoring asexuals? asexuality is more common among woman, especially after the women have children. So, not, its not the husband’s fault that some women dont have sex drive. But if i’m the husband, i still wont go to prostitute. I think prostitution is wrong. If my future wife ( i’m not married ) dont give me sex at all, i just masturbate, going to prostitute is still… Read more »
He isn’t “terrible” Janet, but he isn’t playing fair either. Does his wife know that he is finding “affection” somewhere else? If not, then he is disrespecting her and his family in general. She deserves the chance to know what is going on within the confines of their relationship, and him sleeping with other people is still within the confines of their relationship if she believes he is practicing the monogamy they most likely promised one another when they got married. If however he was open about his needs and she has the oppurtunity for herself to decide she could… Read more »
It is wrong to cheat on a spouse. If someone is that unhappy with their marriage then they should break it off, it is unfair to the other person involved. As for the prostitution being legalized, I really dont see anything wrong with it. I mean if you can legally pay two people to have sex and film it, then whats wrong with someone soliciting a woman for prostitution. Besides, legalizing it creates a safer environment for both the john and the prostitute. I apologize if I have any grammatical errors, its way past my bedtime!!
@Scott. How would you feel about your 17 year old son going to a prostitute for the first time? Are you kidding? It is sad how the world has become about nothing more than sex. What about responsibility and a vow. What about using your imagination to satisfy your hidden needs. This seems to be all about ego and its detrimental to the cheater and anyone who engages them.
I think they do. They just are not getting what they need sexually from their wives.
It is about sex. Otherwise, they would not be at a whore house. Whether they need their egos stroked or whatever, funny they decide to go to a prostitute.
Married women just don’t get it with men and sex. That’s why I am divorced.
Lastly, I believe prostitution is wrong, regardless if it has been around for thousands of years.
JMO.
You divorced because you weren’t getting sex? Right, you must have loved your wife.
How about men talk to their wives about it. How about they don’t cheat to preserve their own honour and respectability. Oh, I forgot, everything is just about sex now..
Jamie….We did talk about the problems. However, we were not able to reach a solution. I filed for divorce as I was miserable. Perhaps she was too. However, I think she was more content. By the time I filed, my feelings had changed to contempt and resentment. The marriage had become unhealthy in a number of areas. Divorce was the most honorable thing to do. I made the right decision. I stand by my decision. There was no hope. When all hope is lost, so is all love lost. Married men who cheat or visit prostitutes ( I did neither… Read more »
I think one of the hardest parts of expressing dissatisfaction to your spouse wrt to sex is that (assuming they care) it makes them feel bad, self-conscious and all those other unsexy feelings. But I think you’re right about some of the other things. The first responses I got were dismissal and derision. I don’t think it was until my own feelings about sex in our relationship shifted to contempt and resentment and disinterest in her sexually, that it started to sink in to her that I was really upset. So, sex sucks more in the short term. Hopefully that… Read more »
I’m sorry things went bad for you Terence. However, your experience does give you insight which happily married men and idealists cannot appreciate. I do not have a firm opinion one way or another on prostitutes, nor do I judge how other men deal with lack of sex in their marriages. The world is full of broken people doing he best that they can.
Best comment on this Thread David. I agree 100% I do also feel that when there are issues like this a high percentage of people are unable to actual understand that whatever is happening is a reflection of their own inner state. It’s not her fault that he was unhappy, and it’s not his fault if she was unhappy. It’s just that both waited so late to authentically express what you want and need out of a relationship. Once that is expressed one would be a fool to continue asking a rock to lay an egg.
It’s about more than just sex, it’s about feeling like you can do something with no strings attached and no baggage. Relationships are hard, and your life with your wife is inevitably fraught not only with emotional baggage, stress, limited time, and the constant knowledge that you’re leading a busy life, so it can often be stressful and difficult to find the time for sex. The type of sex is also affected by the context of the relationship it exists in, so during hard times it’s not difficult to imagine that we lust after something simple and uncomplicated. However, that… Read more »
Personally, I think it’s because women have better sex toys. Every effort to cater to women’s sexual desire on a pay for play basis has failed. Sure there are some guys for hire out there for the women, but there aren’t nearly as many of them as there are women. Women tend to cheat in affairs, not seek prostitutes. Even the women who go overseas to seeks pleasuring by the locals seek emotional affairs, not simple wam bam thank you ma’am like guys do. Yet another article that causes to pause on my whole getting married idea… Why am I… Read more »
So you believe that women are fulfilled by sex toys in ways men can only be fulfilled by sleeping with other actual people…… I got to say, that’s insulting. I also have to question the idea that women have “better” sex toys and wonder just how many women actually use sex toys in their day to day life. The reason men pay for sex more often and women rarely do has nothign to do with sex toys. While I do think women cheat, I am suspect on them cheating as much as men apparently do. We see so many male… Read more »
He said “because women have better sex toys” implying that men could be equally satisfied by toys if they had the toys. And I think that’s right, and that if male masturbation was seen as possitivly as female masturbation then I think that men would be much less likely to do unethical things in persuit of sex.
i agree
Seriously? You think male masturbation is frowned upon compared to women?
Amen! I caught the same thing. They want it both ways! I had a boyfriend once who I even gave permission to see others, just I needed to know so that I could too. Turns out, he was two timing me just as I suspected, but lied about it, because they can dish it out, but can’t take it. Emotional affairs are even more dangerous, I have to say because feelings develop, an intimacy, and men go crazy not consumating with a woman that they care for. Women do as well I suppose. Though, they go more crazy if their… Read more »
Thank you for pointing that out. When things get tough, no matter how much you might love your partner or not, women have that same impulse for variety, wanting adoration, and sex that isn’t tied to a relationship where two people aren’t getting along. Women have the same impulse to cheat. It’s also difficult for both sexes to talk about sexual problems. It would break my heart to tell a man that I wasn’t sexually satisfied with him. He would react in the exact same way a woman would–and sometimes that would involve dismissal, derision, cheating, pain, shutting down. Sex… Read more »
just don’t GET what exactly…..