Do Men Who Cheat Love Their Wives?

On his HLN show, Dr Drew featured an interview with the Moonlite Bunny Ranch’s Brooke Taylor, where he inquires about her life as a sex worker, how her conscience handles having sex with married men, and why she believes it’s better for a man to visit her than to have an emotional affair.

While this video is clips and cuts of the full interview, I think Taylor manages to tap into some interesting ideas. First, she proposes that most of the married men she services at The Bunny Ranch love their wives but are searching for some variety. Most of it is, as she says, “assisted personal pleasure”.

What was most intriguing to me, as a person who believes that prostitution should be legalized, is that she believes it’s a better choice for these guys to visit her, a prostitute, than to start in on affairs which can spread disease and cause drama that is more likely to interfere with a man’s family. At the Bunny Ranch, the women are tested regularly for STDs and condoms are mandatory.

Taylor is also willing to admit that the listening, empathizing, and flattery that Bunny Ranch prostitutes offer married men—which is such a big part of why their business booms—is shallow and put-on, and believes that they should be resolving these things with their wives. However, if they’re going to be having sex with someone, she feels it’s respectful for them to choose to have sex in an established and clean professional environment.

What do you think? Is it possible for a married man to visit the Bunny Ranch without his wife’s knowledge, and to still truly love his wife?

Is it better for a man to go to a professional for his sex needs than to have an affair or risk disease by being with a prostitute that isn’t in a healthier environment, such as the Bunny Ranch? Or does the betrayal of having extramarital sex carry equal weight no matter with whom a person has sex?

Is the Bunny Ranch an example of what good could come from legalized prostitution, or is it just another “happy hooker” story, masking the pain caused by sex work?

About Joanna Schroeder

Joanna Schroeder is a feminist writer and editor with a special focus in issues facing raising boys and gender in the media. Her work has appeared on Redbook, Yahoo!, xoJane,,, and more. She and her husband are outdoor sports enthusiasts raising very active sons. She is currently co-editing a book of essays for boys and young men with author and advocate Jeff Perera. Follow her shenanigans on Twitter.


  1. There are several loopholes in the above argument. 1) Why doesn’t the husband talk to his wife about his sexual needs? He may be pleasantly surprised, his wife may be up to variety and if not then he needs to talk with his wife not pay for prostitutes. 2) When a man pays for a prostitute he is using the family money to fund his extra marital sexual activities. 3) From my own experience I would be deeply wounded as a wife if I knew my husband was having sex with prostitutes even more so than emotional affair as our sex life would be rendered meaningless. 4) When a man pays for sex he is endorsing the commodification of the woman’s body, and when a woman goes along with this she too is saying this okay. 5) paid for sex is divorced from sexual intimacy and keeps people away from intimate sex. If a person endorses prostitution they endorse meaningless sex (a caveat here, a one night stand between two people can be meaningful, sex that involves money can never be meaningful).

  2. To borrow from Steven Covey-

    Love is a doing more than it is a feeling.

    I’m sure cheaters may still feel love for their wives, but sure aren’t reflecting that in their actions, which are far more important.

  3. Why should men trust a woman who is going to tell them one thing in the bedroom and another thing in public? I mean the way that Taylor admits that the kind of talk that goes on between sex workers and their clients is shallow and a put-on, but that these men should really work things out with their wives. I can’t help but imagine that a lot of that put-on talk is things like, “You’re right, she doesn’t understand you.” Maybe having an affair will cause emotional drama, or maybe you can learn to have relationships and treat people fairly and honestly.

  4. Of course a prostitute will claim that. She has a business to run after all. Married men are just the last fully tapped out market.

  5. both mens and womens shall realize that sex is the best chemical antidoct to infidelity. Is a drug, Is called oxitocin.

  6. my girlfriend of two years breakup with me because we had a little misunderstanding and ever since i have been trying to get her back but she insist not,i try everything within my powers to get her back but the hole thing was getting worse so i cry to the internet for help and i saw a testimony of how a spell caster help her to get her ex back,i contacted him and explain my problems to him and he cast a spell for me which i use in getting back my ex and now we are about to get married.i just want to say thank you ogbologbo spell,he is the only person that can help you get your ex back his contact number +2347051705853

  7. Two of my friends are idiots.Why married a woman with kids that are 6,7 years old.They gonna end up take care of these kids for the exhusband.When the kids finish college And start making money They will know their father not you that take care of them.I know one of my friends,who take care of his wife ex husband kids since the age of 6And 7 until They finish college at the age of 24.Soon They start working she divorce my friend And go back to her exhusband.Thats why any men should have experience with prostitutes in your lifetime,maybe give them extra money so They can tell all the little secret before you even think about getting married.I can married a woman with underage kids but she got to be rich .Because she got to take care of her own kids not me.And most of the time They dont give their exhusband child support because They know They will get back with their exhusband as soon as their kids able to work

  8. I was talking to a girl one day .She told me if i give her my paycheck she can be my wife.I told her are you crazy.With 1/4 of my my paycheck i can get me a lot of pretty looking girls of different race.I heard people talk about couple that have been married for 60 years.well i think you people are talking about history now.That was back in 1940,when a loaf of bread cost 5 cents.Now you go to the grocery store you buy grocery for 100$ And the cart still empty.You will not see it these days people wont stay together for so long too many divorce going on nowadays.Women easily call cops for you And the men is always defenseless.Why all these heardache when i can pleasuring myself another cheaper way.My cousin wife is threatening to divorce him if he dont built her a nice house in a rich neigborhood.And beside most of the the wifey always ugly.

  9. Me And my exwife we have dating since1987.And we been married in 2000,its never cross my mind that one day we will separate,after we been together for so long.But she decide to go her separate way i 2009we were divorsed.Ever since then i live by myself guess what i have a two of my friends that still married.They be calling in regular basis asking me to find them some girl to spend time with .I ask them what about your wife?So thats where the problem in a relashionship 90% of the problem is not coming from the men but from the women.I beleive my friends They dont enough sex from their wives .And most of the time its not because your wife is tired from work but she has a boyfriend aside to have sex with.There is no better relationship than getting married And have family.But is that woman you happen to be marrief to will be faithfull to you.In my case i am done there will be no more marriage for me.

  10. wellokaythen says:

    First of all, to my mind the morality of prostitution is not the same issue as the legality of prostitution. Something can be immoral and still be legal. (I tend to think that about abortion – why can’t something be wrong AND be legal?) Making prostitution legal does not necessarily signal that it’s morally acceptable. Cheating on one’s committed partner is wrong, but that doesn’t mean that adultery should be illegal.

    Second of all, the title question is oversimplified. Some men who cheat love their partners, and some who cheat do not. Some men loathe their wives and still remain monogamous.

    Finally, I’ll answer a question with another question. Is an emotional affair without sex worse than a strictly physical affair with sex? I think for many partners an emotional affair feels like much more of a betrayal than a physical one. For others, the feeling of danger from STI’s from a physical affair is worse than a strictly online romance, for example.

    Just wanted to point out that there are other kinds of affairs besides 1) sex without emotional connection and 2) sex with emotional connection. A husband could actually have an emotional affair without sex. That is in no way better than any other kind of affair. I’m just saying that not all affairs are centered on sex.

  11. In regards to this article, I think what is “better” is if married men, that promised loyalty and commitment to their woman, actually practice loyalty and commitment. But if that happened, then I guess The Bunny Ranch would loose some business.

    I also do think a man can love his wife and cheat with other women. But he clearly does not respect her or what they have. Utlimately what he cares about is himself and his needs primarily. This to me reflects a very self serving kind of person. If he cared about his relationship and the needs of his partner and their relationship, he would talk about what was going on with him and let his wife make a choice about their situation based on possibly conflicting needs.

    I am not interested in making comparisons about it being “better” for married men to sleep with prostitutes vs other women. To me, both are a crappy thing to do to your wife behind her back. The fact that a man may want variety has very little too do with his lack of personal integrity in sleeping around behind his wife’s back with either a prostitutes or just another woman. And I think these people that justify such things need to put themselves in the reverse spot and ask themselves if they would like their wives to be visiting ranches of beautifully sexy, handsome, huge hung guys banging their wives out.

    Lately, I like what Robin said, do not treat your wife how you wouldn’t want your own mother, daughter, sister or a special female friend treated. I really dislike how easily men sperate women on this score and believe the women in their own family deserve respect that they may not even afford their own partners. Like Robin said, I bet very few men would be happy to see their Dads escaping to the Bunny ranch to sleep with young women while their Mom sat at home having no clue what was going on.

    • I think anyone who enters a marriage or committed relationship should practice commitment and loyalty to their partner.

    • what your opinion on what amy wrote? she wrote her experience as a cheater, but as a women. I think its better to learn what makes a “human” cheat, not just simply blaming men and judge how they think ( like you always do, cough cough )

  12. They might love their wives, but that is not the kind of love I would ever want. I’m sure these men wouldn’t want their dad to see a prostitute behind their mother’s back, or for their daughter’s boyfriend to see one behind her back. They probably wouldn’t appreciate it if their brother-in-law was having sex with prostitutes behind his sister’s back. Or, even if he has a good friend who is (a straight) female, he would probably advise her to leave her significant other, had he done the same. In fact, he might want to beat the crap out of these guys for hurting the women in his life! The point is if you wouldn’t want it to happen to your own mother, your daughter, your sister, or even your female friend, you should not be doing it to your wife.

  13. Eric M. says:

    Some people may be born poly just as some may be born homosexual. For such persons, being with more than one person concurrently would be what they naturally lean toward. But, this society in general does not permit that. They are negatively labeled in the harshest of terms(e.g. cheaters). So, most try to soldier on leading a mongamous life, often unsuccessfully.

    • Terence Manuel says:

      “So, most try to soldier on leading a mongamous life, often unsuccessfully.”

      You got it. If we can be OK with gay marriage, then we should allow for all other forms such as poly……We should even allow harems.

      Personally, I do not feel the state even has the right to tell people anything about marriage, period. If you want to have 5-10 wives or husbands, so be it. Why should it be the state’s business.

      I say too hell with society.

    • this is an interesting statement. i think there also may be deeply rooted emotional issues that spur cheating. i agree with the statement that more women would be cheaters if not for social pressures and the limited access to male prostitutes. i also think that women who have children are able to glean a certain amount of lacking ego boosts from their children, in a way that many men cannot. Our little boys are hugging us, telling us we’re beautiful, our little girls tell us they want to be like us. This is obviously not a sexual fulfillment, but it does fulfill an emotional need. this is not always the case, obviously, but i think it’s part of the bigger picture.

      i’m going to throw all my cards on the table here, and say i have cheated on my husband. he knows. we chose to work out our issues. my affair lasted a few months, and was equal parts emotional and sexual. did i love my husband? i loved him as a person, as the father of my kids, but at that time i honestly did not feel like i loved him as a partner, which is a totally different love. the issues that led to cheating were many. he did things wrong, i did things wrong, i acted selfishly, and as cliche as it sounds, i blame the way i was raised in part, for my actions. i still “own” my part in it, but i was raised by a verbally and physically abusive dad. he had ridiculously high standards, which, despite my best efforts, i never met. i craved his approval and attention. when i didn’t get it, i went to other men. i slept around as a teen, and it was a rare relationship that i didn’t cheat on. when i felt bad about myself in our marriage, my first reaction was to seek out male attention. i did not honestly have the intention to cheat. but i did. my husband was involved emotionally with one or two other people, but never did cheat. he did, however, cheat on his previous wife. anyway. just throwing this out there to say, i think it’s unfair to label men as cheaters, and women as victims (not that the article does this, but society tends to) because we are all human, and we are all capable of being dishonest or selfish at times.

    • That is an insulting statement to the homosexual community. All men have a degree of a “poly” tendency, since they all have millions of sperm. Unlike being homosexual, you can resist being “poly” the same way I can decide not to eat if I’m on a diet. It’s not that I’m not hungry, but I have a specific goal in mind, whether it is losing weight or being loyal to someone who matters to me. I think people are just lacking in self discipline and allow themselves to just eat, cheat, become addicts, alcoholics (I have a family history on both sides and I’m not), etc. People lack strength. Additionally, your wife has all the same parts as a prostitute!! I don’t understand how there is any difference between sex with one human female and another. There certainly isn’t between men. If you can’t be happy with your wife, get a divorce. Don’t look for a complicated solution to a simple problem. If you cannot be monogamous, don’t get into a monogamous relationship.

      • Eric M. says:

        Anyone can choose to not act on their inborn desires, whether they be poly, homo, or bi-sexual or something else. Fact is, people make that choice all the time.

        To correct a misuderstanding, being poly is not just about needing/wanting to have sex with multiple people. It’s being born want/ingneeding to have relationships (usually including sex) with multiple people. However, due to societal prejudice, scorn, and threats of imprisonment, most poly’s deny it, or don’t even realize that they have the option to live as they desire.

        A good example of that is Tiger Woods. Very obviously poly. When he was living that lifestyle his head was clear and his performance was superior to anyone who had ever played the game. As soon as he was publicly condemned and scorned, and could no longer live that way, he’s just another golfer. Contrast his situation with Derek Jeter’s. Jeter wisely never married and lives exactly how Tiger lived. Now, at 37, he’s still outplaying every shortstop in the American League, and will be a first ballot, shoe-in Hall of Famer.

        • Eric M. says:

          “Do you think Tiger was poly?”

          He still is. Not telling his wife was cheating but HE is poly, just like the gent in this story is gay. Polys and gays can choose to act on their natural desires openly, do so secretly, or suppress them – which is what most polys are forced to do.

          • Eric M. says:

            It’s just as much an orientation as being homosexual is. Many people find either one unthinkable. Others find one or even both irresistable, or at least very, very hard to resist.

            He did act in a poly way, just as a married man or woman on the DL acts in a gay way. Being honest or dishonest has nothing to do with one’s orientation.

            Now, some people claim that they have chosen to live a poly or gay lifestyle, evne if they don’t feel that they were born that way. That may be the confusion here.

            • Eric M. says:

              Using the term non-monogamous is like calling gay (or homosexual) “non-heterosexual.”

              I guess you could say it that way, but that considers the “nons” as others, outsiders, oddidities, which likely not what you are intending.

              Referring to such persons as gay or poly is IMO more accurate and affords them the same dignity as heterosexual and monogamous people.

            • I’m referring to people who (for example) want polygamy re-legalized, or at least decriminalized.

        • Eric M. says:

          “Until I see scientific evidence of this being accepted as an orientation, I will not accept it as such.”

          Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter to me personally whether you believe it or not. Many people feel the same way about homosexuality; that’s it’s selfish, just a choice, etc.

          Polys get into monogamous relationships for the same reasons that homosexuals used to get into heterosexual relationships; that was the only acceptable type of relationship. A homosexual relationship was scandalous and totally socially unacceptable. They often could not maintain them, however. The same turns out to be true of polys. Try as they might, they are oriented to be in more than one relationship.

          The fact that a very large percentage of people feel compelled to carry on multiple concurrent personal relationships, sometimes with the knowledge of their SO, other times without is shows that people are driven in that direction.

      • “I don’t understand how there is any difference between sex with one human female and another. There certainly isn’t between men. ”

        That sounds really depressing to me. My experience has been quite the opposite.

  14. CajunMick says:

    My marriage was bad.
    During the day, it was consant criticism, and everything I did was wrong. (I told, statistically, I had to be doing something right on occasion.)
    During the night…whew. In the last 18 months of our marriage, I think we had sex, maybe, 6 times.
    I really tried to get her to discuss what was going on, both in and out of the bedroom. No dice. A typical answer was something like “You just make me mad.” When discussing my desire for sex, her response was to take care of myself in the bathroom.
    Despite the sexual frustration, I never cheated on my wife. The only time I considered it was with a woman who was not just flirty, but very kind. She was so nice to me that I found it to be a far more powerful draw then just the thought of a sexual adventure. I was very surprised that that was what it took to tempt me to infidelity. Not sex, kindness.
    I was sorely tempted, but I never did take her up on her offer. My ex and I seperated within the year.
    Y’all be well.

  15. It’s not just men who would like to have their cake and eat it to, the essentialism that our culture seems to buy into that men intrinsically just behave a certain way is BS. They do it because feel they can. Of course it’s exciting when you meet someone new, or when a really hot guy notices you, and maybe I might have a quick fantasy about it, but if I’m committed to someone else then plain and simply I gave my word that I would honor the relationship. Things change, and people need to periodically re-evaluate their situations and maybe even renegotiate if that’s needed, but I GUARANTEE most men who cheat would be FURIOUS if they ever found out their wives had done the same. Women are “typically” more reserved, but not due to biology, but to the tremendous amount of social pressure, religious influence, and control placed on femininity and female sexuality. At the bottom of it all is integrity, something that is neither male or female, either you have it at the time or you don’t. Do they love their wives? Did Ike love Tina? Probably loved her to death! But, as Tina so profoundly sang, “What’s Love Got to Do with it!”

  16. spidaman3 says:

    Sounds like have a cake and eat it too situation. Reminds me of Bun B’s line on “Miss Me”: “Got your wifey and your sidechick your getting the best of both girls”. To me he may love his wife, but he sees himself as more important

  17. I think men who cheat on their wives have both sexual and emotional reasons. In a strictly sexual way, they are searching for the excitement of being with someone new, the appeal of new sensations and seeing a different person naked, touching and being touched by someone different. All the role play and fantasy in the world can never make your wife a different person entirely. Emotionally, It’s also an ego thing because men tend to feel validated by that sense of satisfaction in knowing you can get a girl and that you are still attractive to others.
    For me, I would never pay for it. I think men who do have their own reasons but sex for me has never been simply about the physical pleasure of just myself. I am far more interested in pursuit of mutually satisfying sex, in that one party is not being paid and is not being completely fake in their interest, their desire, their arousal and their attraction to me. And I would not get any sense of fulfillment in the ego sense because it’s obvious the prostitute has no genuine feelings or attraction to a client. I think sex with a prostitute would not be enjoyable, it may be physically pleasurable for 10 minutes, but I doubt I would find any satisfaction in paying for sex.

    • Mel Mahnuger says:

      I am always fascinated by those who believe prostitute sex is unfulfilling. especially to the prostitute. I have had some of the greatest sexual experiences of my entire life in parlors with women I’ve paid. Mind altering experiences. With her trembling and creaming all over me. The experiences have been clean, sweet, loving, disease free, and, oh yah, unforgettable. I don’t regret them. I don’t regret direct payment. Which by becoming friends with many of these ladies I’ve seen has clothed and fed their families. Let them buy whatever their heart desired. Paid for their education and we both had a friendly encounter. I went in to love a woman and came out feeling the world was a better place. Most of the comments always made here and in similar forums is always ” well I wouldn’t do it and I’m sure it’s awful.” It’s so tremendous to operate from ignorance.

  18. It’s possible to “love” your wife and still have sex with another woman. I know many women and some men don’t want to hear that, but you can watch an episode of Maury and hear guys pass a polygraph when it comes to “loving” their wives but fail when it comes being “faithful”. :o) You shouldn’t cheat or be dishonest because you have a moral standard, but asking a man not to cheat is like asking a woman not to shop :o). Sure, it’s possible, but maybe there would be less grief all around if we redefined our expectations. It’s not like the concepts of love and marriage have remained static over time nor were they ever based entirely in altruism.

  19. Brooke Taylor says she offers fake empathy and fake flattery….and the men pay for the sex and the attention….I find this part interesting and a little disturbing…that men would need this kind of attention from women even though it’s fake…

    That seems to say that these men are narcissistic…they need attention from their wives, from the prostitutes (even though it’s pretend)….it’s like Guido in “8 1/2” (Fellini) who thrives on all the female attention as an adult because he thrived on it when he was growing up in the midst of all his female relatives….

    Such men lie to themselves and to their wives…is their self-esteem so poor that they would risk STD’s and etc. to get real sex and a fake ego boost?

    • @Leia, I think you also missed the point. How often to husbands have to lie to thier wives to keep them happy and protect thier egos. These same husbands usually get scorn from the wife and the “honest” (subjective) truth thrown in thier faces. Most modern-day husnbands are expected to change for thier wives and take thier spouse “how-she-is” that is large hipercritical.

      Both parties in amarriage deserve the respect to be thier for each other, and sometimes that means “telling a white lie” or doing something to make the other spuse happy.

      Have you ever seen the show Gigalos? These male prostitutes have repeate married wives calling for thier services and company as well. So are the wives narcissitics as well, or have we lost the “true” definition of a relationship?

    • Uhhh, speaking as someone who has never in their entire life received that sort of attention and validation, I can state quite emphatically that nearly every human being needs this sort of attention to feel good. NO one wants to feel ignored and repulsive.

  20. If a man isn’t happy with his marriage he should either work on it or leave. Same goes for women. Cheating is not the answer, whether or not it’s with a professional.

    • Terence Manuel says:

      “If a man isn’t happy with his marriage he should either work on it or leave.”

      First, BOTH parties should try to resolve the differences, if they feel this is indeed possible. If there is no resolution, mutually satisfactory, then the parties should agree to go in a different direction.

      This is not just a man issue Sarah. There is another human being involved called his wife, partner, SO…..

      Sarah, your comment is lacking in maturity.

  21. Mark Neil says:

    I think you missed something from that interview. Sometimes it’s about feeling special, feeling validated, not getting eye rolls. more and more men are feeling marginalized and disrespected. I don’t think that should be overlooked. Like Brooke, I don’t think a prostitute is the answer they should be looking for, but it is what it is.

    Generally I do think a man can visit a prostitute and still love his wife. I think it’s the emotional affairs that are far more damaging to families (not that this isn’t damaging, there are still trust issues caused by this).

    • June Davie says:

      It works both ways. My husband rolled his eyes, made faces, and spit his tongue out, and this is a guy who went to an Ivy League college! He cheated with a very immoral, scheming woman, lied to me, and blamed me for everything. He is extremely selfish and cannot take responsibiliy for any of his actions. He says he wants to stay married and that he “loves” me, but he refuses to go to counseling and he doesn’t want to talk or spend any time with me. I want to divorce and move on with my life, but he is so manipulative and smart that I am afraid I will not be able to survive financially after 25 year of marriage. He totally cracked up when he turned 50–no one would have ever believed, including me, that he would be capable of the cheating, abuse, lies.

  22. According to the flawed definition of love, I guess maybe they do “love” their wives. But most relationships are not based on true love, but on selfish wants and desires. Cheating is just a reflection of the selfishness. One thing I’ve learned that proves to be true over and over again is that the one thing we think someone or the world is withholding from us, it’s the very thing that we are withholding from the world. The excuse of “Not getting what I need at home” is weak line for weak men, who aren’t strong enough to face their wives and their shortcomings, but instead will go to a woman who has no clue about his real character, and can see him the way he wants to be seen in that moment… even if it is a lie. We really need to start dealing with things with more authenticity. Prostitution should be legal, and regulated. Just as a person sees a therapist, if they are having sexual issues that they feel the need to explore or figure out, then for Pete’s sake please figure all of that out BEFORE you say I Do.

    • Terence Manuel says:

      “The excuse of “Not getting what I need at home” is weak line for weak men, who aren’t strong enough to face their wives and their shortcomings, but instead will go to a woman who has no clue about his real character, and can see him the way he wants to be seen in that moment… even if it is a lie.”

      If the man is in a sexless marriage or relationship AND his wife is dismissive of his needs/desires, why is he the blame? Many married women simply have lost sexual interest in, gotten bored, or simply no longer love their husbands. It is a fact not fantasy.

      Nearly one third of married women NEVER loved their husbands from day one! But, the woman knew this even on wedding day. Now, with a marriage and maybe kids, the whole things is a giant cluster f**k. There are studies that show the majority of married women say they no longer love their husbands. Some 70% of all divorces are initiated by the woman. I believe these data. You cannot ignore the facts and reality. But we Americans love to just take a Prozac and think everything is just peachy.

      But somehow the man is the blame? Give me a break! Oh, please!

      I will readily admit men too are the blame. but to assert he is a weak knee coward is just ludicrous.

      • Janet Marie says:

        I know of a man who truly loves his wife and child and will not leave them. His wife, however; has lost all interest in sex – for YEARS. He has talked with her many times and she rebuffs him. He does not want to leave but he feels alone and rejected. Is he such a terrible man if he turns to someone else for affection? What is his wife’s part in this? Why isn’t she to blame? Should he leave her just so he can have sex or should he stay with her and have sex with someone else?

        • June Davie says:

          Maybe she lost interest because the man is spending enough time with her and isn’t acting like a friend and partner. If the sex is good, and the man is caring and attentive, then the woman who most likely want to be with him. If the man is abusive or selfish, then the woman won’t want to be intimate with him. Men need to look within and stop blaming their wives. It takes a strong, honest man to take the high road and not cheat and lie to his wife. Remember, “Happy Wife, Happy Life.”

          • and women need to look within and stop blaming their husband. Many women lost interest in sex is not related to husband behaviour at all, shes juts not interested in sex. Are you ignoring asexuals? asexuality is more common among woman, especially after the women have children. So, not, its not the husband’s fault that some women dont have sex drive. But if i’m the husband, i still wont go to prostitute. I think prostitution is wrong. If my future wife ( i’m not married ) dont give me sex at all, i just masturbate, going to prostitute is still cheating to me

        • He isn’t “terrible” Janet, but he isn’t playing fair either. Does his wife know that he is finding “affection” somewhere else? If not, then he is disrespecting her and his family in general. She deserves the chance to know what is going on within the confines of their relationship, and him sleeping with other people is still within the confines of their relationship if she believes he is practicing the monogamy they most likely promised one another when they got married. If however he was open about his needs and she has the oppurtunity for herself to decide she could live with that situation or not. it would be a different story. I’m sorry but a man feeling horny or needing “affection” just isn’t justification enough to bang other people behind that person’s back.

  23. It is wrong to cheat on a spouse. If someone is that unhappy with their marriage then they should break it off, it is unfair to the other person involved. As for the prostitution being legalized, I really dont see anything wrong with it. I mean if you can legally pay two people to have sex and film it, then whats wrong with someone soliciting a woman for prostitution. Besides, legalizing it creates a safer environment for both the john and the prostitute. I apologize if I have any grammatical errors, its way past my bedtime!!

    • Lissette Iglesias says:

      @Scott. How would you feel about your 17 year old son going to a prostitute for the first time? Are you kidding? It is sad how the world has become about nothing more than sex. What about responsibility and a vow. What about using your imagination to satisfy your hidden needs. This seems to be all about ego and its detrimental to the cheater and anyone who engages them.

  24. Terence Manuel says:

    I think they do. They just are not getting what they need sexually from their wives.

    It is about sex. Otherwise, they would not be at a whore house. Whether they need their egos stroked or whatever, funny they decide to go to a prostitute.

    Married women just don’t get it with men and sex. That’s why I am divorced.

    Lastly, I believe prostitution is wrong, regardless if it has been around for thousands of years.


    • Jamie Parsons says:

      You divorced because you weren’t getting sex? Right, you must have loved your wife.

      How about men talk to their wives about it. How about they don’t cheat to preserve their own honour and respectability. Oh, I forgot, everything is just about sex now..

      • Terence Manuel says:

        Jamie….We did talk about the problems. However, we were not able to reach a solution.

        I filed for divorce as I was miserable. Perhaps she was too. However, I think she was more content. By the time I filed, my feelings had changed to contempt and resentment. The marriage had become unhealthy in a number of areas.

        Divorce was the most honorable thing to do. I made the right decision. I stand by my decision. There was no hope. When all hope is lost, so is all love lost.

        Married men who cheat or visit prostitutes ( I did neither even though there was zero sex for two full years) are like people who commit suicide. They are crying out within for something/help. But their cries cannot be heard as they are within the person.

        You cannot always talk about your needs with you wife. It is a false assumption. Often, we are simply dismissed. Then you simply no longer bring up the matter. It’s all down hill from that point.

        Why would a man persist if his concerns are going to be derided and dismissed? Simple human behavior.

        • I think one of the hardest parts of expressing dissatisfaction to your spouse wrt to sex is that (assuming they care) it makes them feel bad, self-conscious and all those other unsexy feelings.

          But I think you’re right about some of the other things. The first responses I got were dismissal and derision. I don’t think it was until my own feelings about sex in our relationship shifted to contempt and resentment and disinterest in her sexually, that it started to sink in to her that I was really upset.

          So, sex sucks more in the short term. Hopefully that turns around. We’ll see.

        • I’m sorry things went bad for you Terence. However, your experience does give you insight which happily married men and idealists cannot appreciate. I do not have a firm opinion one way or another on prostitutes, nor do I judge how other men deal with lack of sex in their marriages. The world is full of broken people doing he best that they can.

          • Best comment on this Thread David. I agree 100% I do also feel that when there are issues like this a high percentage of people are unable to actual understand that whatever is happening is a reflection of their own inner state. It’s not her fault that he was unhappy, and it’s not his fault if she was unhappy. It’s just that both waited so late to authentically express what you want and need out of a relationship. Once that is expressed one would be a fool to continue asking a rock to lay an egg.

    • It’s about more than just sex, it’s about feeling like you can do something with no strings attached and no baggage. Relationships are hard, and your life with your wife is inevitably fraught not only with emotional baggage, stress, limited time, and the constant knowledge that you’re leading a busy life, so it can often be stressful and difficult to find the time for sex. The type of sex is also affected by the context of the relationship it exists in, so during hard times it’s not difficult to imagine that we lust after something simple and uncomplicated.

      However, that said, this is a situation probably felt equally by both you and your wife. If your reason for finding sex outside your marriage is that you’re too lazy to make the attempt to work around your baggage, then trying to validate it by calling it “assisted personal pleasure” is just BS. It’s better to just admit to yourself that you find it too hard to put in the effort to meet your partner half way. However, if you’re able to talk with them and you both agree that this is a valid way to work off excess stress and she can reconcile herself to that, then I guess it’s one way to live your life.

      One last thing that needs to be addressed is this notion that the use of prostitutes or finding sex outside of relationships is just the manifestation of male sexuality. Are you seriously telling me that you think that your wife doesn’t feel the same desire for some uncomplicated sex and judgement free appreciation? You really think she would bypass the opportunity to blow her hot young gym instructor out of some feeling of loyalty to a husband who’s too lazy to get off his ass and stop whining about how it’s just too hard to put in the effort to coax his wife into having sex with him? Give me a break. The reason some women choose not to cheat on their husbands or pay hookers isn’t because they wouldn’t love to have a good orgasm baggage free, but because they’re egos aren’t the only thing they want stroked, and they aren’t afraid to face their responsibilities.

      Man up.

      • The Wet One says:

        Personally, I think it’s because women have better sex toys. Every effort to cater to women’s sexual desire on a pay for play basis has failed. Sure there are some guys for hire out there for the women, but there aren’t nearly as many of them as there are women.

        Women tend to cheat in affairs, not seek prostitutes. Even the women who go overseas to seeks pleasuring by the locals seek emotional affairs, not simple wam bam thank you ma’am like guys do.

        Yet another article that causes to pause on my whole getting married idea… Why am I rolling the dice like this on my life? Am I completely stupid? Single life really wasn’t that bad. Sigh…

        • So you believe that women are fulfilled by sex toys in ways men can only be fulfilled by sleeping with other actual people…… I got to say, that’s insulting. I also have to question the idea that women have “better” sex toys and wonder just how many women actually use sex toys in their day to day life. The reason men pay for sex more often and women rarely do has nothign to do with sex toys.

          While I do think women cheat, I am suspect on them cheating as much as men apparently do. We see so many male celebrities getting caught in grotesque cheating scandales that we don’t see the same behavior from women in.

          But I really really liked what Grey said here: “The reason some women choose not to cheat on their husbands or pay hookers isn’t because they wouldn’t love to have a good orgasm baggage free, but because they’re egos aren’t the only thing they want stroked, and they aren’t afraid to face their responsibilities.” Great point.

          • He said “because women have better sex toys” implying that men could be equally satisfied by toys if they had the toys. And I think that’s right, and that if male masturbation was seen as possitivly as female masturbation then I think that men would be much less likely to do unethical things in persuit of sex.

          • Amen! I caught the same thing. They want it both ways! I had a boyfriend once who I even gave permission to see others, just I needed to know so that I could too. Turns out, he was two timing me just as I suspected, but lied about it, because they can dish it out, but can’t take it. Emotional affairs are even more dangerous, I have to say because feelings develop, an intimacy, and men go crazy not consumating with a woman that they care for. Women do as well I suppose. Though, they go more crazy if their woman has sex with another guy.

      • Thank you for pointing that out. When things get tough, no matter how much you might love your partner or not, women have that same impulse for variety, wanting adoration, and sex that isn’t tied to a relationship where two people aren’t getting along. Women have the same impulse to cheat. It’s also difficult for both sexes to talk about sexual problems. It would break my heart to tell a man that I wasn’t sexually satisfied with him. He would react in the exact same way a woman would–and sometimes that would involve dismissal, derision, cheating, pain, shutting down. Sex is a very sensitive subject.

    • nicole aponte says:

      just don’t GET what exactly…..


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