A Halloween Primer: Egg Protection and Michael McDonald

Halloween is Sunday. In addition to putting way too much effort into a clever costume idea and taking your kids trick-or-treating, you’ll need to be on the lookout for eggs. According to Popular Mechanics, “It would cost millions of dollars to develop a nontoxic bomb for vandals that would be as insidiously effective as the ordinary chicken egg.”

With that in mind, the technical men’s mag gives a rundown on how to clean up after your house or car falls victim to a devious pack of egg-launching teenagers. Here’s how to clean your car:

Got egg on your car? It’s a different story than cleaning siding or windows, as using any cleaner that doesn’t have a pH close to a neutral 7.0 stands a substantial chance of damaging the clear-coat outer paint layer. Best advice is to use plenty of water to hydrate the stain (try setting the lawn sprinkler onto the car for a couple of hours), and then using a commercial car-wash detergent and a terry-cloth towel or microfiber car-polishing cloth to gently rub the stain off. There are no kitchen products or devices (like that nylon pot scrubber or rubber spatula) suitable for use on automotive paint. Still, the car wash may leave stains behind, probably caused by the chemicals in the egg yolk etching the paint and dulling its shiny finish. That’s when to use, carefully, an automotive auto-body rubbing compound to restore the clear coat’s shine. Follow the directions on the label.

Now that you’re well protected against an egg attack, you can enjoy the weekend. And remember, you’re never too old to go trick-or-treating—just make sure it’s to the tune of “Takin’ It to the Streets” by Michael McDonald. Otherwise people will just think you’re weird.

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About Ryan O'Hanlon

Ryan O'Hanlon is the managing editor of the Good Men Project. He used to play soccer and go to college. He's still trying to get over it. You can follow him on Twitter @rwohan.

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  1. I don’t see any credits for the photographer – who is it?

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