Gay Military Wife Denied Access to Fort Bragg Spouses Club

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About Kathryn DeHoyos

Kathryn DeHoyos currently resides on the outskirts of Austin, TX. She is the News Editor for the Good Feed Blog and absolutely loves what she does. She is the happy mommy to a wild 2 year old girl-child, and is blissfully happy being un-married to her life partner DJ.


  1. This is a good example of why marriage is important. Full marriage. Not something that looks like marriage, not laws that give marriage-like benefits, allow marriage-like relations, etc. Because with all of those, there will always be things covered by marriage that is not covered by the nearly-marriage-but-not-quite thing.

    Where I live (Denmark), we went the route of introducing “registerede partnership” in ’89, something that is legally recognized like marriage but isn’t marriage. It was a workable solution to having some progress back then, but there’s been plenty of snags like this one in the 20+ years since then. Real marriage avoids most of those, including the one mentioned in the post above.

  2. What this is really about is political system that calls itself a democracy that isn’t.The question to ask,among many, is;if gay people are free why can’t they get married? Why does our system make out groups fight so long and hard to achieve full enfranchsement? While they are being denied rights,the government is taking their tax dollars just fine.

  3. They require a military ID and she doesn’t have one. They said nothing aboutbeing against gays.

    • wellokaythen says:

      I think the unstated point there is that as a spouse who’s the same sex as the officer, she doesn’t get to have a military ID because she’s not legally married. I don’t think requiring military ID to enter the club was necessarily intended to keep gay spouses out; just as likely this is some new security measure or bureaucratic policy in which gay spouses happen to be caught in the crossfire.

      Actually, I’d be even more likely to believe this is meant to exclude anyone who’s “not really a spouse” from the legally married wives’ point of view. I bet there were girlfriends or common law wives “passing” as spouses, and the powers that be didn’t want that anymore.

      This policy won’t keep gay people out of the spouses club. It will only exclude gay people not married to someone of the opposite sex. You can be out and proud and waving the rainbow flag and still be in a heterosexual marriage. I guarantee you dollars to donuts there will be gay people in those clubs right even under the new policy, just not out of the closet. It’s just much harder for gay couples at the moment, because you’d have to find another gay couple of the other gender to marry into in order for those gay civilians to be able to get into the club.

    • Right. Not being able to get a Military ID is the real anti-gay measure here. However, the club full well know that there’s no way she can get that ID because things are as they are. Knowing that, they could make an exception. Not being willing to do that has anti-gay *consequences* (even if the policy and the way it is administrated is not done with anti-gay intent). As such, they make themselves part of an anti-gay system and have responsibility for excluding gay people.

      You cannot escape responsibility by a “I’m just following the rules” defense.

  4. wellokaythen says:

    So, ironically, someone who’s in the Army and gay and in a same-sex marriage could join the club, because that person would have military ID, but their partner would not be allowed in….

    • wellokaythen says:

      …unless the gay partner was also in the military.

      If both spouses in the same-sex marriage are in the Army, then neither one is excluded. Is this some sort of clumsy recruitment tool?

      So, if you’re in a gay marriage, the only way to join that club is to join the Army.


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