If you’re with a woman who doesn’t appreciate you for the mensch you are, then maybe you need a new woman.
Hey boy. I see you there. With your black-rimmed glasses, putting on some hand sanitizer. With your cute little yarmulke covering your cute little bald spot. With your headphones blasting Dave Matthews or Wu Tang Clan. I see you there, Jewish boy, and I just got to say hey.
I don’t need no muscle man, no lumber jack, no cowboy, no bad boy, no thug. I like a man who knows what he wants, and makes a restaurant give it to him no matter what’s on the menu. A man who respects his mom and expects a woman to be terrifying. A man who doesn’t need to know how to work on his engine because he can pay someone else to do it.
Ryan Gosling? Bitch, please. I’ll take Rahm Emanuel over that pretty-boy any day. Don’t worry boy, I got fingers enough for the both of us.
Because a Jewish guy doesn’t need to fire a gun or wear wife beaters and tats to show he’s a man. He knows he’s a man because he had to read Hebrew in front of a bunch of people when he was thirteen, and then it was so. He didn’t spend the rest of his life trying to prove it to anybody. He just got on with his sweet ass, studied hard, and made something of himself. HOT DAMN.
So here’s to you, Jewish man, sexy as hell and Lord knows you ain’t trying. The swing of your axe is the power of your mind. You’re 6 feet tall at 5”6. You make me laugh, and you make me breakfast. You probably weigh less than me, but that’s ok.
And if your woman doesn’t appreciate you for the mensch you are, show her the mezuzah! You can do butta!
Read More “In Praise of” pieces:
Mark Radcliffe’s In Praise of Small Breasted Women
Josh Bowman’s In Praise of Large Breasted Women
Collin Slattery’s In Praise and Appreciation of Women