Ryan Lochte has diamond-studded teeth?
No, that’s not metaphorical. If it were metaphorical, he’d have diamond-studded feet, legs, arms, lats… But not diamond teeth.
A photo flashed across my computer screen of the handsome young man holding his gold medal and something grabbed my eye—at first it looked like a metal retainer, then I zoomed in closer and it looked like chainmail armor for teeth. Does Lochte have an overly-ambitious orthodontist? As always, I turned to Google, typing: What’s in Ryan Lochte’s mouth?
Somewhere in Google’s complex and mysterious algorithm, a notation was made: “This person is old.”
ESPN offered this result:
Ryan Lochte strolled the deck of the Olympic Aquatics Centre wearing diamonds in his mouth and lime-green sneakers on the feet that powered him through the water faster than anyone else. Beaming, he chomped playfully on his gold medal while Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA” blared throughout the massive arena.
Diamonds in his mouth? I’ve seen guys with gold teeth, guys with a diamond on a gold cap on a tooth… But what is this? Beyond that, I found no less than TEN articles from many different news sources that made no mention of the mouth piece or whatever it is.
Am I old, or am I just super uncool (or both)?
I mean, look at these pearly whites over here to the right. What’s so bad about these? —->
Is he going to look back on the first 2012 Olympic gold medal when he’s 75 and think, “What the hell was I thinking with that grill?”
Someone fill me in.
Diamond teeth or not, we still want to send a huge congratulations to Ryan Lochte for the USA’s first gold medal of these games!
Update! Fun facts coming in from Yahoo! Sports:
American swimmer Ryan Lochte wanted to wear a custom-made red, white and blue grill on the podium after winning the 400 IM — presumably to honor the ancient Olympians who also used to ice out with tooth jewelry. His plan hit a snag when a humorless IOC official informed him that wearing the grill would result in a failure to receive the most precious bling of all.
I’d like to see this red, white and blue mouth bling before I come up with a final decision about which would have been less jarring for the less “with it” in the audience.