Forbes.com is featuring a fascinating article about how male leaders need to be careful of their body language.
Carol Kinsey Goman created a list of the body language mistakes male leaders make most often. Certainly female leaders make a number of body language mistakes as well, but Goman explains why particular mistakes are more “male” than others:
Power and status are non-verbally displayed in height and space. Men are taller and tend to expand into space (an example would be leaning back with hands behind head, elbows wide and legs loosely crossed in a “four” shape — a predominately male posture). So, before uttering a word, male leaders already have the advantage over their female counterparts in projecting power and authority. That’s a strength. But, like any strength, when overused or inappropriately used, it can become a liability.
What’s interesting about these body language cues is that they directly point to the ways in which society stereotypes men. Imposing, emotionless, unwilling to listen or change, intimidating, and lacking in boundaries.
In order for a leader to be approachable and relatable, a man who wants to gain trust has to find a way to combat the assumptions people (both men AND women) bring into a relationship with a male candidate or a leader.
Most interestingly, to me at least, was the point about infringing upon other people’s territory:
4. They infringe on other people’s territory.
Highly confident and powerful men typically occupy greater personal space, which may result in their infringing on another person’s territory. Space invasions are better tolerated when the invader is attractive or of high status. But people’s territorial responses are primitive and powerful. When someone uninvited comes too close, it automatically triggers an increase in the heart rate and galvanic skin response (sweat gland activity and changes in the sympathetic nervous system) of the invadee.
Tip: You can tell if you have infringed on people’s space by the way they react – stepping away, withdrawing their head or neck, angling their shoulders away, or placing an object (laptop, purse, coffee cup) between the two of you. And when you notice any of these signs, back off!
This is a great suggestion for both men and women, when trying to gain trust and build relationships with people. There are other, more gendered, tips too, such as “They make a poker face” which reminds us of the double-bind that men are often in: they are expected not to show emotion, to be stoic, and to “man up”, and yet it seems like the men lose trust because of said poker face.
Head over to Forbes.com and see if you can relate to the misconceptions made about men. If so, do you think these fixes would work for candidates who are having trouble finding broader audiences?
What do you think these assumptions say about how men are viewed in our society?
Image of man giving important speech courtesy of Shutterstock
About Joanna Schroeder
I wonder how much power I project, I am 6’6 and 300lbs, I tower over many people. For some women I’ve heard it makes them feel safe but that’s only after knowing the person, for unknown people who are bigger it makes them more nervous. I have a few books on body language and I am training myself to see it more, there is quite a lot to learn. Interestingly I tend to know the body language of general situations, but flirting still eludes me.
I have a natural poker face and I’ve heard it looks intimidating, I need to smile more and think it has affected my socializing. I can definitely see how it can make others feel less comfy, Hell I feel uncomfy when people don’t smile. I was told I could be good at poker with this face though as many of my emotions don’t show up very visibly, I can be quite happy but not smiling which probably throws people off.
“2. They don’t listen.
Or more specifically, they don’t look like they are listening. As a leader, the amount of eye contact you give is especially telling if you reserve it only for those whose opinion you agree with. Men are comfortable talking side-by-side, but women prefer face-to-face (eye-to-eye) encounters. In fact, women often cite a lack of eye contact as evidence that their male boss “doesn’t value my input.”
Tip: Increasing your eye contact (and, most especially, making sure you are not just looking at some members of your team and ignoring others) will send signals of inclusiveness and warmth.”
I think this could be because direct eye contact can be seen as a hostile move, 2 men staring each other down can look pretty damn intense, add alcohol to the mix and you’ll probably see a fight. I find myself looking away a lot in conversations, not because I’m not interested or not listening, but because I feel awkward looking people in the eye at times, I feel it’s actually threatening at times too. This is something I’m trying to overcome though.
“3. They lack empathy.
Well, not exactly. While another person’s emotional pain activates mirror neurons (the “empathy” neurons) in both genders, a second system (the temporal-parietal junction, or TPJ) quickly takes over in the male brain. The TPJ in turn activates their “analyze-and-fix-it” circuits and leads men to immediately search for solutions, rather than understanding that sometimes people just need to be heard.
Tip: The next time someone comes to you with an emotional problem, try being an empathetic sounding board rather than an executive problem solver.”
If this is true then holy hell does it explain a lot of my behavior, I always get that feeling of trying to fix the situation and feel like it’s expected.
2. Never actually ran into this problem with bosses, but i do run into the reverse. When telling someone above you something make eye contact. It solidifies your position, even if you are wrong. This shows self worth and willingness to accept objective criticism.
3. I don’t wholeheartedly agree with your boss being a sounding board. I currently work at a small company where the executives are always extremely busy and they don’t have time to listen to your story unless it is an “analyze-and-fix-it” problem and if it isn’t they run into the #2 problem. Catch them at lunch/ end of the day if possible, or get your team including your boss to go out for drinks after work.
5. Some people always look angry. As an employee don’t be intimidated by looks. The looks are generally used to keep non business conversations at arms length during business hours.