Breast Way to Die: During a Table Dance at A Strip Club

Jamie Reidy shares the story of a man who dropped dead in the middle of a stripper’s table dance.

When I launched Viagra as a Pfizer salesman, I avoided conversations with patients, simply to remove any chance of influencing their conversations with the physicians. But that didn’t stop me from hearing many at-risk cardiac patients exclaim, “If I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die in the sack!” or “…die with my boots on!” or “…die in the saddle!” Apparently, there are a lot of metaphors for sex. (You can read more about this in my – if I do say so – hilarious book Hard Sell: Now a Major Motion Picture LOVE and OTHER DRUGS)

Fortunately, none of my customers’ patients died while on Viagra.

But, when I read this msn.com story about the 67-year old Texas man who dropped dead at a strip club, I immediately thought back to 1998 and the macho attitude of the aforementioned Vitamin V users.

According to a manager at the Red Parrot, Robert Gene White was face-deep in pelvic gyrations when it came time to pay the girls and he was found unresponsive.

I was hoping the guy was only faking, like the dude in the Dirty Harry movie who fakes heart attacks at restaurants so he doesn’t have to pay the bill.

It’d be much better to die during sex, than during a table dance; I don’t care how hot the stripper is. And I don’t think I wanna die with Motley Crue’s “Girls, Girls, Girls” playing in the background.

Regardless, I bet the deceased gentleman might be happy to be headed to That Last Strip Club in The Sky.

What’s your ideal way to die?

Photo by: permanently scatterbrained

About Jamie Reidy

Jamie Reidy is a former U.S. Army officer turned little blue pill pusher turned author. His first book "Hard Sell: The Evolution of A Viagra Salesman"
served as the basis for the movie "Love and Other Drugs" starring Jake Gyllenhaal. Jamie is currently writing his new book, "Game On: One Fanatic's Fantastic, Foolish and Futile Attempt to Attend 365 Sporting Events in 365 Days." He discovered his latest story featured on Good Men Project - "Hope Shoots and Scores" - on Day 39 of his crazy journey.

Comments

  1. CajunMick says:

    I’ve had a cancer scare. In the military, I worked in an ER, seeing folks coming in all sorts of mangled. These experiences have disillusioned me of any ideas of a Romantic death.
    I’m putting my order in for the peaceful-in-my-bed, after-a-full-life, “Momma, is that you?’ white-light kind of death.

    • trey1963 says:

      The sweet rapture of oblivion.

    • Did you go white as a ghost when you hear the cancer word? I got diagnosed yesterday and shit bricks. I don’t think there really is a romantic death, it sucks dying…

      • Jamie Reidy says:

        Archy – Jesus, so sorry to hear that news.

      • Joanna Schroeder says:

        Archy, what the hell?! Are you serious??

        I’ve had skin cancer, multiple surgeries, mostly minor. Even with cancer that is easily treated, you can’t help but be terrified. I was so scared it had spread to my bones or something.

        Shoot me an email, if you want. Do you still have my email?

        • Don’t have your email atm, but yeah scary stuff. Apparently 99% or higher cure rate for this kind, I just had surgery 2 weeks ago to remove a tumor on my neck, and now in 2 weeks time I get this thyroid out and take an iodine 131 tablet to kill off any remaining thyroid, then pills for rest of my life. I’m hoping it hasn’t spread, I’ve had enough bad luck. I’m nervous too since every time you get a general anaesthetic there are risks.

          Just another bump in the road I guess, but I bought myself a “shit I have cancer time to buy something nice” brand new Canon 5dIII camera :D.

      • The Wet One says:

        Good luck and Godspeed Archy.

      • Thanks all for the support, I really appreciate it.

      • CajunMick says:

        Hello Archy:
        I apologize for the delay in writing this repsonse. I’m very sorry to hear about your diagnosis. To answer your question, I didn’t sh*t a brick. There was a lot going on with my family, and I was the rock that everyone leaned on, both emotionally and fianacially. I didn’t feel like I could tell anyone. In fact, I didn’t until the surgery was scheduled. I was fortunate. The surgery was successful. As these things go, I escaped relatively unscathed.
        So, did I sh*t bricks? No, I didn’t. What I wanted to do was HOWL. The feeling was something very primitive. Raw. I wanted to howl out my fear, anger and anxiety. I kind of wish I had done so.
        So, Archy, go ahead and howl or do what ever it is you need to do to take care of yourself. If there is anything I can do for you, please feel to write. My address is cajunmick@gmail.com.
        Metta to you and yours.

        • Well it’s been a few days, the day after diagnosis I got a kidney stone with a world of pain so that actually distracted me from it. I feel more at ease now from it all, I’ve been reassured there’s above 99% cure rate for this type of cancer and so far it doesn’t look like it has spread. I just want it over with.
          Thanks for the support.

          • CajunMick says:

            I remember the ‘just want it out’ feeling. (Get this shit outta me!)
            I’m glad the news was postive, Archy

            • Even better news as my chest xray came up negative so it’s stage 1, high cure rate. It’ll be over soon thankfully!

  2. I fully expect to go during some risky adventure. My paraglider gets caught in the jet stream after jumping off the summit of K2 and slams me into the side of the mountain or something like that.

  3. Copyleft says:

    “When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did… peacefully, in his sleep. Not terrified and screaming like his passengers.”
    –Jack Handley–

  4. John Anderson says:

    I’ve only watched 3 episodes of 1000 Ways to Die so I can’t say how yet, but if I had to go, I’d prefer it happen while I was doing something noble.

  5. Hopefully not in the surgery I have in 2 weeks, and hopefully not from the cancer I’m getting removed (hopefully all of it). Dying old with grandkids, a lovely wife, etc would be nice.

  6. Shawn Peters says:

    I’d settle for a sudden aneurysm right after buying a round of drinks for the entire Pebble Beach Tap Room thanks to a hole-in-one on the 17th.

    Of course, I’d prefer if this scene was still several decades off.

  7. Jamie Reidy says:

    Love the feedback, guys. I am definitely gonna share “The money is hidden in the…GURK” with my brother and dad!

  8. God how desperately sad.

    I am just hoping I am lucky enough to go in my sleep.

  9. The Wet One says:

    I’m not sure if this is sad or awesome. My first thought was “AWESOME!” Then I thought, might it not be better to go doing the rumpy pumpy with the significant other, but then what a terrible last impression (initially anyways, but it would be a great story for her in the old folks home some years later wouldn’t it?).

    Then again, driving at high speed into a bridge abutment and going in a dazzling ball of flame always had a certain appeal to me to be frank. Something about an huge explosion as a send off seems just right.

    Maybe with one’s favourite professional playmate (assuming one is single) at the moment of grace would be best.

    Who can say?

    Dying on the beaches of Normandy for a just and righteous cause, even if you’re blasted into so many bits they only need a marble bag to send you home could be pretty darned good too. Nothing like dying for the cause of righteousness on the battlefield. That would be alright too.

  10. Copyleft says:

    My IDEAL way to die would be to coincide with (or at most, a few minutes before) the heat death of the universe.

    My actual death-scene plan is unspecified, but I have my last words all picked out: “The money is hidden in the–*GURK*-(thud)”

    Let ’em wonder.

  11. trey1963 says:

    Quietly in my sleep….

    Having a nasty Heart condition……there has been a couple of times I’ve come close to biting the bullet during / just after…….No fun at all, not a nice way to go. The rush to finish can mask the pain a bit…..but a tsunami of pain moments after …… trust me not good at all.

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