Breast Way to Die: During a Table Dance at A Strip Club

Jamie Reidy shares the story of a man who dropped dead in the middle of a stripper’s table dance.

When I launched Viagra as a Pfizer salesman, I avoided conversations with patients, simply to remove any chance of influencing their conversations with the physicians. But that didn’t stop me from hearing many at-risk cardiac patients exclaim, “If I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die in the sack!” or “…die with my boots on!” or “…die in the saddle!” Apparently, there are a lot of metaphors for sex. (You can read more about this in my – if I do say so – hilarious book Hard Sell: Now a Major Motion Picture LOVE and OTHER DRUGS)

Fortunately, none of my customers’ patients died while on Viagra.

But, when I read this msn.com story about the 67-year old Texas man who dropped dead at a strip club, I immediately thought back to 1998 and the macho attitude of the aforementioned Vitamin V users.

According to a manager at the Red Parrot, Robert Gene White was face-deep in pelvic gyrations when it came time to pay the girls and he was found unresponsive.

I was hoping the guy was only faking, like the dude in the Dirty Harry movie who fakes heart attacks at restaurants so he doesn’t have to pay the bill.

It’d be much better to die during sex, than during a table dance; I don’t care how hot the stripper is. And I don’t think I wanna die with Motley Crue’s “Girls, Girls, Girls” playing in the background.

Regardless, I bet the deceased gentleman might be happy to be headed to That Last Strip Club in The Sky.

What’s your ideal way to die?

Photo by: permanently scatterbrained

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About Jamie Reidy

Jamie Reidy is a former U.S. Army officer turned little blue pill pusher turned author. His first book "Hard Sell: The Evolution of A Viagra Salesman"
served as the basis for the movie "Love and Other Drugs" starring Jake Gyllenhaal. Jamie is currently writing his new book, "Game On: One Fanatic's Fantastic, Foolish and Futile Attempt to Attend 365 Sporting Events in 365 Days." He discovered his latest story featured on Good Men Project - "Hope Shoots and Scores" - on Day 39 of his crazy journey.

Comments

  1. trey1963 says:

    Quietly in my sleep….

    Having a nasty Heart condition……there has been a couple of times I’ve come close to biting the bullet during / just after…….No fun at all, not a nice way to go. The rush to finish can mask the pain a bit…..but a tsunami of pain moments after …… trust me not good at all.

  2. Copyleft says:

    My IDEAL way to die would be to coincide with (or at most, a few minutes before) the heat death of the universe.

    My actual death-scene plan is unspecified, but I have my last words all picked out: “The money is hidden in the–*GURK*-(thud)”

    Let ‘em wonder.

  3. The Wet One says:

    I’m not sure if this is sad or awesome. My first thought was “AWESOME!” Then I thought, might it not be better to go doing the rumpy pumpy with the significant other, but then what a terrible last impression (initially anyways, but it would be a great story for her in the old folks home some years later wouldn’t it?).

    Then again, driving at high speed into a bridge abutment and going in a dazzling ball of flame always had a certain appeal to me to be frank. Something about an huge explosion as a send off seems just right.

    Maybe with one’s favourite professional playmate (assuming one is single) at the moment of grace would be best.

    Who can say?

    Dying on the beaches of Normandy for a just and righteous cause, even if you’re blasted into so many bits they only need a marble bag to send you home could be pretty darned good too. Nothing like dying for the cause of righteousness on the battlefield. That would be alright too.

  4. God how desperately sad.

    I am just hoping I am lucky enough to go in my sleep.

  5. Jamie Reidy says:

    Love the feedback, guys. I am definitely gonna share “The money is hidden in the…GURK” with my brother and dad!

  6. Shawn Peters says:

    I’d settle for a sudden aneurysm right after buying a round of drinks for the entire Pebble Beach Tap Room thanks to a hole-in-one on the 17th.

    Of course, I’d prefer if this scene was still several decades off.

  7. Hopefully not in the surgery I have in 2 weeks, and hopefully not from the cancer I’m getting removed (hopefully all of it). Dying old with grandkids, a lovely wife, etc would be nice.

  8. John Anderson says:

    I’ve only watched 3 episodes of 1000 Ways to Die so I can’t say how yet, but if I had to go, I’d prefer it happen while I was doing something noble.

  9. Copyleft says:

    “When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did… peacefully, in his sleep. Not terrified and screaming like his passengers.”
    –Jack Handley–

  10. I fully expect to go during some risky adventure. My paraglider gets caught in the jet stream after jumping off the summit of K2 and slams me into the side of the mountain or something like that.

  11. CajunMick says:

    I’ve had a cancer scare. In the military, I worked in an ER, seeing folks coming in all sorts of mangled. These experiences have disillusioned me of any ideas of a Romantic death.
    I’m putting my order in for the peaceful-in-my-bed, after-a-full-life, “Momma, is that you?’ white-light kind of death.

    • trey1963 says:

      The sweet rapture of oblivion.

    • Did you go white as a ghost when you hear the cancer word? I got diagnosed yesterday and shit bricks. I don’t think there really is a romantic death, it sucks dying…

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