Samantha Daniels isn’t your everyday matchmaker—she’s a professional.
So naturally, her advice for how to make a man fall in love is foolproof. Her article over at the Huffington Post identifies nine qualities women should aspire to in order to bag a man.
According to her, guys want women …
- Who differentiate themselves.
- Who they’re afraid to lose. (Not quite sure what that means.)
- Who respect themselves and demand respect from a man.
- Who are happy with themselves.
- Who pick “the right time” to have sex. (Again, what?)
- Who they can introduce to friends and family.
- Who don’t make their lives harder.
- Who are helpful and help them take care of things.
- Who continually keep it interesting.
This article, of course, was written for women. It’s sprinkled with cute bits of advice like “No one wants to be with someone who is boring or who is always the same. Keep recreating an interesting you.”
So I would bet on the statement that this list leaves a lot to be desired. We leave it to you, because the question intrigues us: what do good men look for in their significant other? Better yet, what do men who read the Good Men Project want above all else?
You tell us.
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I’m not really sure what #2 and #5 mean either. What the list boils down to is “Men want a woman who always adds good things to their life, and never takes them away”.
Ok, unrealistic, but fair enough. The real world equivalent might be something like “A woman who adds more goodness to their life than working through the challenges of a relationship takes out of it.”
True as far as it goes, but not exactly earth-shattering info
. These kind of one-sided “what do I demand from you” lists are always pretty suspect, though. Actual relationships involve a lot more compromise and exchange.
#2 and #5 means, #2; a women that manipulates your emotions so severely that you get a case of Stockholm Syndrome, #4; A women who can anticipate the mans need to have sex. And I can relate to both of them, Now #2 obviously means just a girl that you can get jealous over, only out of jealousy does true love form with a man. #4 I honestly have never been with a women that knew the right time to have sex, honestly every second of the day is the right time, but after I fall asleep or start to fall asleep a big no no for a girl to come crying for sex, especially when they say “you lost your chance” and rub it in your face, and hold out from having sex even when the man is obviously hurting!
Your post was very hard to read. Please fix the grammar and punctuation problems.
Quick point of order though – #2 actually reads “women that they (the men) are afraid to lose”. Makes more sense in that context
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I disagree with the second point, it reads in the original article as “Men fall in love with women whom they are afraid to lose”.
By this definition I would never love anyone except for my mom and my sister; because before ‘falling in love’ no man will come to know whether he is ‘afraid’ to lose a person before having (I do NOT mean possession) her. That realization comes after the ‘fall’.
Concerning the same point, no man is ever ‘afraid’ of losing someone; it is undeniable that a great amount of pain and hurt would be caused by the loss of someone very special, a man may dread it, but is never afraid of it.
Point 1st, 3rd, 4th and 6th are obvious, who would want to spend his life with the ‘average woman’ (not used in derogatory sense, I mean to say woman with no extra-ordinary quality; I could not find a phrase as effective as – average Joe), ‘woman with no self-esteem’, ‘sad (uncool) woman’ or ‘socially awkward woman’ (how would you meet her anyways).
The points 7, 8 and 9 are not at all helpful (like the rest of the article), any sensible (ahem) woman must know them by the time she turned 13.
5th point she makes as a ‘professional’, is totally useless; most men and women know when it is the right time to make love. I think she means a woman, who knows when to stop nagging for physical romance; who knows when the kiss turns from a pleasure into a duty.
The author of the original article also commits the folly of assuming that all men want the same kind of woman, contrary to her opinion falling in love is not a ‘one size fits all’ type of thing and a ‘professional match maker’ will know that.
#2 is completely bogus. First, afraid to lose?!?! If a man has fallen in love with anyone he hopefully doesn’t want to lose her, but to be afraid. Like his arm is going to fall off? Maybe the only men she polled are overly needy and grow attached to women because she has become his identity and is the only way to validate that he is a man.
If my manhood was linked to the type of woman that I dated (beautiful, sexy, smart, etc) then I would be scared as hell to lose her since then I also loose who I am as a person.. because my my self worth was attached to her.
If there is one on there that seems legitimate enough, but extremely hard to find it’s #4. Finding a woman who is happy with herself is like trying to find talent in Katy Perry.
#4– I think we need a better definition/picture of “good self-esteem” and “happy with oneself”. Badly.
First of all, an awful lot of people I see described as self-confident often merely LOOK self-confident… or, in other words, like they can afford in time and money the look and style of a confident person. I don’t like how the unspoken portrait of a psychologically healthy person is so often a privileged person.
Second: more and more people, both famous (Scott Walker etc.) and not-famous, act completely divorced from reality, and from the effects of their actions of others and the future (including their own). Yet, they act very confident of their beliefs. Doubtless, their belief that their own, self-created reality will prevail over objective reality gives them a great deal of happiness. They are all right with everything we have learned from society and positive-psychology experts, about how to have good self-esteem. And yet… something is a little off-kilter there. To say the least.
I am guessing #2 means “There are some Men who are dependent on a Woman” for whatever reason. He may be too shy to date anyone else or there may not be many Women to choose from. I know two couples who met and married in High School and are still together 20 plus years later. I cannot speak for why/how they fell in love, but their relationships sure look successful. They may gotten it perfect the first time or just got “close enough” and chose not to try again.
Yea written another way and it would say….
1. Who differentiate themselves. – Unigue
2. Who they’re afraid to lose. (Not quite sure what that means.) – A partner who adds to the relationship.
3. Who respect themselves and demand respect from a man. – respectful of “PEOPLE”.
4. Who are happy with themselves. – Confident
5. Who pick “the right time” to have sex. (Again, what?) – I agree this is ambivalent.
6. Who they can introduce to friends and family. – The kinda of woman you can introduce to your Mom.
7. Who don’t make their lives harder. – See #2 it is just reworded.
8. Who are helpful and help them take care of things. – See #’s 2 and 7, again reworded.
9. Who continually keep it interesting.
Sorry I left out #9…
9. Who continually keep it interesting. – No boring sex life.
That list seems pretty…vague. Maybe it’s meant to be, so it can conform to a variety of situations.
Ok people I know I’m late to this discussion, but I am incredibly surprised that nobody figured out #5 because it goes hand in hand with #6
#5 Who pick “the right time” to have sex. (Again, what?)
Is just another way of saying they want a “good girl” who waits to have sex instead of giving in to them on the first date(or giving it to them) Which is also connected to #3Who respect themselves and demand respect from a man. Because they did not have sex till it was the “Right time” in other words long enough to have self respect according to very old social morays with the modern twist of not waiting till marriage. And long enough for the man to respect her for putting her foot down about the issue so that he sees her as worthy of introducing a “Good Girl” to his family and friends (#6)
#6 Who they can introduce to friends and family.
Men still objectify women for their self interests but when it comes down to it many still want someone that they can take home to mom(somebody she would approve of)
As far as #2 Who they’re afraid to lose. (Not quite sure what that means.)
It seems to me that it just means that it would be a woman with whom it was such a good relationship for them they would
A.) Be willing to work out whatever problems they might have in order to continue having her in their life.
And/ or
B.) They really do have abandonment issues
So essentially we still have not made societal strides in relationships with men because they outwardly portray that they want the so called Whores because we still see them giving catcalls and consuming various porn and talking to our chests, but according to this what they really want is the idea of a good girl from the 50s and 60s and a whore in private.
Another list made to pack a comments section rather than give any real advice, much less insight. Some men want companionship, some want sexual stimulation. We all need both but the ratio and equations to get that ratio varies so much that any ‘list’ anywhere is silly.
That’s HuffPo for you. Patently unhelpful, uninsightful advice. Comes off as something really pro-relational progress, but really offers up just the same old, “abandon-all-hope with a smiley face” advice that still fits too neatly into essentialist and evo-psych relationship models.
I’m pretty sure that a good number of us feel socially awkward because the “how” of relationships and romance we’re shown, even by a supposedly liberal blog like Huffington Post, is so often depressing.
If relationships are so vital and life-sustaining, why is the process of building them so joyless? GMP is one of the few places that even comes close to answering that question.
I agree. I’m suspicious of most of these dating and relationship “experts”. Are any of them any good?
One of the most male chauvinistic dating “experts” is Annie Gleason.
I am SOOOOO fed up with romantic advice that boils down to, “Make yourself so irresistible and irreplaceable that no man will even think of turning you down.” That’s what “be the kind of woman he’s afraid to lose” feels like. It always seemed to be like being irresistible and irreplaceable should be a byproduct of just plain being a good, kind and fun partner, and NOT a goal in itself. I have none too good results from my personal examples of trying to be “interesting for interesting’s sake”.
In all due respects, the “advice” Samantha Daniels gave is worse than a weight loss diet consisting of chocolate, lard, dipping sauce, no exercise and an uneven sleeping schedule. I really hope women don’t follow her advice. I was going to go into detail on these thoughts but, I figure, that would be a waste of the reader’s time.
Instead, I’ve decided to answer the question that was asked by The Good Men Project regarding good men and their ideal woman.
Since it is likely that age, lifestyle and, perhaps, backgroud may play a role in our answers, let me start by saying that I am an active 25year old (Latin) guy who was brought up in a very happy and healthy family environment. Also, I find myself to be a good man – both facebook and online surveys have confirmed these suspicions – and my ideal girl is independent, active, adventurous, fun, sexually honest and kindhearted. =)
Confidence as well as self-respect will play a huge role with a person’s independence and uniqueness. I love women who are who they are and are not afraid to show it. A woman who has her life in check is a woman I want to meet. One who takes care of themselves and their lives. One who will value the moments they spend with their family, friends and, even, on their own. A girl who has values, dreams and goals. Basically, a girl who is able to add me in her life without making me her life is a huge plus! Space and a healthy time apart is well needed for this guy. =)
I’m active and I will stay that way. I do my best to be the best that I can be and a girl who can keep up will be on top of my “perfect” list. My past ex-girlfriends have been great but, unfortunately, never had the energy to get up and join me in a walk, run or race. They have always been on the sidelines, cheering – which is amazing because it shows their support – but, at times, I would not mind having them by my side crossing the finish line together. Being fun and adventurous will also go hand in hand with his paragraph. I want to enjoy them enough to want to explore the world with them.
Sex – although many see this as a taboo to talk about I don’t. I find that an honest and open sex life is healthy. I would like a girl to be that as well. Sex should be a fun and intimate exploration that will help us learn eachother’s bodies and pleasures in order to boost our overall enjoyment. Also, sex and sexuality starts way before we even hit the bedroom. I would like to take care of myself to keep her attraction….for her to know that I am thinking of her when I dress a certain way or use a specific cologne. I do hate when flirtation dies in the middle of a relationship. Spicing it up and working at it is a great road for success. =)
Finally, a kind heart. A girl can be everything that I need but if she is of a bad temper or has a cold shoulder all attraction will be gone. A girl who is great with my dog and amazing around my nephews and nieces is a great girl. Have a gentle side even if you don’t, like me, want kids. =)
Hope that helps…it’s lunch time now. =)
Obviously, she’s writes with a woman’s voice.
ahem
7.Who don’t make their lives harder.
8.Who are helpful and help them take care of things.
9.Who continually keep it interesting.
Sounds like they want a combination of Flo the waitress and the Cirque du Soleil.
I’m staying single
To all women who have read this:
Ignore that quote at the end. We do not want you to “recreate” yourself for anything or anyone. If you have even a shred of self-respect (see rule 3), you will NOT conform to this. There are few things worse than a social chameleon.