Open Discussion:
It happens all the time, and we know it’s a major factor in teen suicides: Bullying.
It doesn’t matter if it’s verbal taunts, social media harassment, or physical assault, it is all damaging to a child.
So what would you do if your son were being bullied?
Is it best to try to give the child tools to handle it himself? Would you leave it up to the school administration to handle, or would you handle it yourself?
How does the age of the child play into what you would do, as a parent?
Does your reaction to bullying change if it’s a son versus a daughter being bullied?
Cartoon art of bully courtesy of Shutterstock
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Well, as someone who was perpetually bullied from 1st grade to 8th grade, so much so that I would refuse to go to school, I have a unique and heavy handed perspective. I would tell my son to take the bully out. Bullies understand one thing. Force. If the bully is punching you, beat him over the head with a baseball bat. School administrators don’t do anything to prevent the bullying. They say, “Stop that, Shelby, you shouldn’t be punching him, shoving him, teasing and tormenting him. It isn’t very nice.” They don’t suspend or expel the child which is what they should be doing. First instant suspension second instance expulsion.
It doesn’t matter what age. I would say escalate force to a considerably higher level. You only really need to do it once to make a point. If you get punched and poked and kicked and shoved every day but you throw the other kid into the wall and give them a concussion, they won’t mess with you again. Never would I let a child of mine suffer through the years and years and years of torment that I endured.
Very Ender’s Game….though the problem is that not all kids are equipped to do that. And some kids are just sensitive enough, or physically incapable enough, that pushing them to “take the bully out” actually doesn’t help. Not to mention, as much as teaching kids to take care of themselves is a good thing…I think that in a lot of the big things it’s good to have a parent there who can help take the edge off. Parents do need to protect their kids from some things, as best they can.
Great book. No kid is too sensitive. Give the kid a weapon and the impetus to do it, and you’ll ensure that it happens. There isn’t much a parent can do, really. You can talk to the other child’s parents, but they will probably refuse to believe that their little angel is really a little demon. Schools won’t do anything either. I’d say have a parent beat another child, but that will probably land you in jail.
Look I was bullied too, from what like…5th grade until the end of high school, or there abouts. I get it, but here’s the thing…some kids are too sensitive to fight fire with fire. Telling a kid that the way to deal with a bully is to be meaner than the bully, is just perpetuating the problem. This is especially true when talking about boys, when society already asks them to suppress their emotions. A boy goes and tells his parents that he’s being bullied and they tell him to suck it up and kick the bully’s ass…yeah that’s just perpetuating the “boys aren’t emotional” crap. It’s telling the boy that his emotions don’t matter; his actions do.
And schools would do shit if parents and society put enough pressure onto those schools to have zero tolerance policies and what-not.
I’m with Heather on this. I’ve been bullied from 1st grade and until the end of high school. I’m an avowed pacifist, who dislikes fighting, even defending myself (If push comes to shove, I’ll defend myself pathetically, while they kick me in the stomach…but I might manage to have them bitten or scratched somewhere…which never prevented them trying again).
Telling me to fight back is like telling me it was my fault. That no one is going to care.
I didn’t associate with the lack of protectiveness around boys until later, when I figured that “Don’t hit girls” was a very large meme. Note that I’ve also been bullied by girls, just less. Had I been perceived as female then, I would have been bullied more by girls, but less physically. The fact that many feminists denied that “Don’t hit girls” was a spreaded meme at all made me angry, too. As if my perceived maleness had not been a part of the issue at all, because only perceived femaleness can be negative, even to other people you don’t know.
I got bullied more than once as a kid, and my parents were adamant in their advice. Don’t hit back. You’ll just make him angrier. There was probably a little lefty-Christian pacifism mixed in there. If I did come home scuffed up, my memory [probably tainted by my total impression of the situation] is they wanted first to make sure the other kid wasn’t hurt. Then, my father the social worker would go in to talk to the authorities involved. Ultimately, the bully ended up hating that a great deal more as it almost always brought the weight of several bureaucracies down on his head.
I now think that was a bad plan for a number of reasons, but mainly these two:
1. Bullies like an easy victim. I don’t know if they back off someone who fights back, but there’s nothing more rewarding than a victim who confirms that the bully is bigger, stronger, and frightening.
2. I developed an unconscious habit of expecting a savior, rather than taking responsibility for myself. I think that spread past the simple bullying problem of physical violence into a lot of other areas.
I want my sons and daughter to value themselves–and others–enough to never allow bullying to go on unchecked. I worry about ‘escalating force to a considerably higher level’ at ‘any age level.’ I have a hard time thinking about telling my 8yo to “throw the other kid into the wall and give [him/her] a concussion,” but I do think standing up for oneself, including fighting back, is going to be a part of how I counsel my kids.
At the moment, it looks like my boys will both be quite large, having inherited height from both of us and solid shoulders from their mother’s side, and while I hope that will mean they never get picked on, I also hope they won’t shrink from sticking up for other kids. I don’t think we need to do real medical damage to children-. But we should be making sure bullies know that they won’t just get away with that kind of behavior.
unfortunately, i agree with Collin. it’s sad to say but you have to speak to bullies in their own language. how will they know how it feels to get beat up unless it happens to them? i whole heartily believe parents should give their kids the tools they need to deal with bullies (sound reasoning and martial arts) and instill the values and ethics of when, why and how to use them.
Equip your child with the tools to self defend and protect. These tools include self respect, critical thinking and the ability to discern if this is a situation that requires a response or will walking away achieve the desired result. Bullying is at it’s base disrespect for another person and that is not acceptable.
Teach your child to assert their right not to be disrespected and how to defend that right if a non-violent approach fails. Sometimes standing up to a bully is enough other times it is not. When standing up is not and walking away fail respond in kind with emphasis. The only thing bullies respect is a hard firm unyielding response in order to get the message that actions have consequences. That being said – teach your child that actions have consequences which is why they need to be able to think critically and decide the best course of action and know that the administration may respond negatively. It may not be fair but then life is not always fair and that doing the right thing (refusing to be disrespected) may not always be easy and then let them know that if they are defending themselves you as a parent will have their back. The question focuses on teaching boys how to deal with bullies but girls need to know how to deal with bullies mean girls are just a real and just as toxic. The question is how to teach children to deal with mixed gender bullying i.e. girls bullying boys – it happens and boys bullying girls. I think teaching self respect and treating themselves with respect just as they are thought to respect others. Do not do for others what you are not prepared to do for yourself. Teach them to treat themselves with respect and courtesy and refuse to accept anything less from others especially since we teach child to respect others.
Critical thinking is a crucial life skill, but it has no place in the 6th grade unless you want your child to make enemies on the administration as well as the student body.
Taught properly critical thinking equips a child even in the sixth grade to know when to voice an opinion or ask questions and when to follow authority and less likely to blindly follow the leading of other children who may want to cause trouble. Knowing when to keep an opinion to themselves and when to voice it.
I worry about my son getting bullied all the time …he is in 6th grade…but there is a strict “NO BULLYING” policy at his school which is rigorously enforced….plus he is best friends with the town wrestling champ, and Tae Kwon Do black belts! Still, he is the sweetest, most good-hearted kid, and I drive him to and from school (and we only live a few blocks away!) because I want to make sure no one accosts him….We’ll see what happens next year though….
I was bullied terribly on a summer camp school bus when I was around his age…racist and sexist epithets (imagine hearing all that when you are 10 years old!) every day until I made friends on the bus who became really close to me and protected me and showed me how to fight back….and showed me how easy it is to fight back against a bunch of stupid kids who would pick on girls (the bullies picked on everyone!)….It was some of the worst and even the best of times for me….and it made me tougher….(I think when you get older, the bullies are more subtle and hide their hostility better)….
All I can say is that my husband, my babysitter, and I talk to my son everyday and try to talk about various scenarios and people and stories from our own lives….he also has peer group counseling once a week in school to help him navigate this somewhat confusing world that is middle school….Still, I bite my nails everyday just thinking about all the horrible people and things that could happen to him….
I was also bullied- I was also a teacher.
1) Schools can do little legally to help the bully or the bullied.
2) Enders Game was so about child empowerment and showed little use for parents; that fact alone bothers me beyond reason.
3) The bullied needs to trump the bully, be it through violence or humiliation.
4) Bullies are getting their frustration out on the weak. Once a bullied is toppled, the bully needs to be kept on a short leash; keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
5) All of this is great; but with kids bringing guns to school, it all scares the shit out of me. My son, who is not yet four, will be taking martial arts- not to hurt anyone, but to know how to smartly avoid the situation.
I agree with Collin. Turning the other cheek never worked for me growing up so I just said screw it. When the red headed boy riding by on his bike passed me up and said “Hey Fatso…” That was the last time he did…I had selected the largest rock I could find and told my younger sister who I walked home with everyday that I was waiting for him to ride by. It had been weeks that this jerk would ride his bike by me and say something rude about my hair, ethnicity or weight. So the day came when he rode by thinking out loud he said…”Hey fat….” BLAM! I threw a rock so large at his back it knocked him off his bike. Crying like the wimp he really was he got back on his bike screaming at his friends to wait for him (those cowards saw what happened and took off leaving a trail of dust and their so called “buddy” behind). He never said a word to me ever since. If I didn’t stand up for myself I’m sure he would have thought it was ok to continue his name calling. I stopped it. I had the longest lecture from my mom later about Jesus and that I should have thought of him suffering on a cross…and I said…”Well, if that kids parents would like to come by and hang me from a tree, they can…I’ll have more rocks waiting for them too.”
If you don’t get respect, you must command it, demand it. Bullies thrive on fear and intimidation. The last thing to ever do is back down to a bully. They get a high when they are feared, when they cause terror. Never back down.
My kids are taught to respect themselves and others, and require/demand that they be accorded the same respect they give. Anything else is absolutely unacceptable. They are to never start a fight, and never hurt anybody but they know to absolutely defend themselves.
Exactly! Disrespect is not acceptable – do not suffer it in silence or at all well. Do not start/pick a fight but if one comes to you – command respect and put down the disrespect hard and with a quickness. Your children are fortunate to have a supportive Dad.
I have trouble answering this prompt because I completely disagree with this statement:
“It doesn’t matter if it’s verbal taunts, social media harassment, or physical assault, it is all damaging to a child.”
To me personally there’s a HUGE difference to the response to verbal or “social media” harassment and the response to physical assault.
If there’s physical assault, go to the authorities. File police reports, get the system working. The system is perfectly capable of handling physical assault: this is the system’s strong point.
Furthermore, I believe it is important to show children that the system can, and does, work with respect to physical assault. A great deal of societal break down in “at risk” communities occurs because the population has stopped believing in the system and started taking matters into their own hands.
As for taunting and social networking, I’d teach my children the same things my parents taught me: why is this a problem?
I remember coming home in tears because I was repeatedly made fun of for being short. For reasons that are, frankly, mysterious to me now, it really tore at me then. I remember my parents pointing out that they themselves were short, but that it’s never held them back from anything they wanted to do. More importantly, they pointed out that it had never held me back from anything I wanted to do. I was successful in a whole range of areas in my life that had nothing to do with my height.
At the end of the day, my parents showed me that there was simply no reason to tie my self worth to the taunts of my peers. Instead, my self worth should be grounded in my own accomplishments.
To this day, this remains one of the most powerful lessons I’ve ever learned, and I will endeavor to teach it to my own children.
To those who advocate violence, the fact remains that your children will ultimately face bullies against whom violence is simply not an option. A boss at work, a professor in college, even a police officer, can all be bullies. Yet you will never achieve your goals if you employ violence against such individuals; indeed, you’ll probably ruin your own life if you try.
Ultimately, the only solution is to realize that your self worth has nothing to do with the bully. Once you make this realization, you render them powerless. Threats only work if you feel threatened; insults only work if you feel insulted; harassment only works if you feel harassed. When you stop feeling threatened, insulted, and harassed, then you will no longer be threatened, insulted, and harassed. You have rendered yourself bully proof.
“As for taunting and social networking, I’d teach my children the same things my parents taught me: why is this a problem?”
We are a social species. Being bulled on an emotional level is no less damaging than physical. There’s a reason that emotional abuse is illegal, and bullying comes from a similar place as abuse does. It’s similar to my comment about shaming on the facebook article…sometimes it’s the act itself, the act of bullying that can cause such harm. On some level, it doesn’t always matter what horrible thing the other kids are saying about you; the fact that you are being ostracised and made-fun-of is enough of a problem.
And telling a kid to suck it up and just magically stop feeling his/her emotions is absolutely detrimental. you can’t control how you feel. Like I pointed out, we already have a problem in our society of asking men and boys to deny their emotions; let’s not ask them to deny their emotions when they’re the victims of bullying.
“And telling a kid to suck it up and just magically stop feeling his/her emotions is absolutely detrimental.”
Thank you for putting these words in my mouth. Next time please read my actual post before responding.
I never said anyone should just “suck it up.” However, if online taunting is detrimental to your self-worth, maybe you need to consider what the basis of your self worth is in the first place. Why does being called fat, short, girly, polka-dotted, or whatever even harm your self esteem?
One of the best things my parents ever did for me was help me to put my self esteem in perspective. Once I realized that my positive attributes would always outweigh my flaws, then I never had a problem with bullying ever again.
Sure, people continued to call me names, that’s part of middle and high school, but it no longer mattered: the taunting could no longer hurt me.
This has nothing to do with “denying emotions” and everything to do with asking yourself why your self worth is so tied up in whatever you are being taunted about.
Online bullying is not merely about humiliation and taunting. It is usually about making being around the bullied so toxic to everyone else’s reputation that they are truly singled out and alone. This can be done with rumor, situational humiliation, lies, false avatars (online). If successful with enough people the bullied will wonder “why do people treat me this way” or “why doesn’t anyone want to be my friend.” They might also get the parents to ask the bullied if/why they had done something (rumor/lie), possibly rifting that relationship. Since there is no specific thing/flaw being touted these interactions can easily turn into introspective self destruction as to reasons for their treatment and loneliness.
As to your post. Most people can get over the short, acne, fill in the blank, etc. stuff. But its much harder for people to get over the being treated with a certain disgust or loathing by groups of people for apparently no reason and the loneliness that can accompany it if enough people follow suit.
Add: Think Scarlet Letter without the reason behind it.
Look, I’m in my 20s, I don’t know why people always assume I don’t know what Cyber Bullying is.
This doesn’t change the fact that cyber bullying only works if the people involved are open to attacks on their self esteem based on the rumors being circulated, the fake messages being posted, or whatever.
The dynamic is the same: it only works if you actually take issue with it.
You’re putting adult confidence, self-esteem and emotional security expectations onto children. YOU may have had that self-esteem when you were a boy, but almost no one I know did when they were kids. Not even me, and imagine the self-esteem I must have. I’m known publicly as a feminist, as an ally, colleague and friend of Hugo Schwyzer. But I do things like the article about Stetten/Presley where I speak out publicly against what most mainstream feminists are saying. I get blasted for working for this site all the time by my own community, and I don’t give a shit. I know who I am and what I’m doing.
But until I was about 16 this was certainly not the case. Cyber-bullying, or any real bullying, would’ve crushed me. I was picked on a little bit, but not to the degree kids are bothered now with just the accessibility you had when you were young. It bothered me. But if I’d been one of the main targets? I can’t say I would’ve fared well.
You simply cannot expect kids to “suck it up and get over it”.
Also, you talk about how it never bothered you being called short… But—and correct me if I’m wrong—haven’t you written on here at least a few times about how bothered you are by the perception that women won’t date short guys?
Joanna,
Frankly I’m tired of the constant mischaracterization of my point of view as:
“You simply cannot expect kids to “suck it up and get over it”.”
I do not expect kids to simply “suck it up and get over it.” I expect their parents to help them build up self-esteem that is tied to accomplishments instead of outside perceptions. This is what my parents did for me, and it is possibly the greatest gift my parents have ever given to me.
The prompt here was “What would you do if your son was being bullied?” That is my answer: I would teach him the same life skills that my parents taught me.
Look at what I actually wrote above:
“I remember my parents pointing out that they themselves were short, but that it’s never held them back from anything they wanted to do. More importantly, they pointed out that it had never held me back from anything I wanted to do. I was successful in a whole range of areas in my life that had nothing to do with my height.”
What part of that sounds like “shut up and get over it”? I can assure you that no phrase even remotely like that was ever uttered.
Instead we had a wide-ranging conversation over my accomplishments in life (up until 7th grade, when the conversation took place), and what I had done to achieve them. My parents pointed out that at no point was there a sign which read “you must be this tall to do X” anywhere near any of my goals, both in the short and the long term. They shared personal stories about their own lives, and about difficulties that they had to deal with to achieve their own goals (my father told a funny story about having to get a part time job to pay for a professional typist because his handwriting was so terrible that his dissertation adviser would only look at his work if it was typed up). Then they asked me if being taller was really more important than the other things I dreamed about, all of which they had shown me to be within my reach.
This is what I have, and always have advocated. Teaching children to tie their self esteem to their actual dreams, goals, and accomplishments, rather than the ultimately inconsequential features that bullies usually pick on.
But no, you would rather believe that my answer is, and always has been “shut up and take it.”
I am tired of this.
Finally, as to the “women won’t date short guys” it does not bother me personally, and frankly it never has. What does bother me is the constant claim that in our society only women have to face up to unrealistic physical ideals, and somehow bear a greater burden as a result.
However, there is a big difference between “in general my gender has to bear burden X” and “I feel crushed by burden X.” I agree with the first statement, but I do not feel the second, mostly because of the lessons my parents taught me. I’m very happy with my life, despite being short, and I hope that in time others will learn the same lessons I have. In my opinion, a great place to start would be with how we respond to bullying.
They way you write here, fwiw, seems completely different than your shorter responses. It feels more intimate, shares more emotionality around your experiences with your parents, and is easier to relate to.
Various tactics may work. I was bullied all through my schooling and the school itself pretty much did sweet fuck all, I don’t think they really had much power to do anything at the time since suspension n expulsion were frowned upon. Mediation didn’t work, but one thing did work. I was a large kid and shoulder-barged one of the football jocks into the wall of a building, shook the whole building (it was old) and he learned I wouldn’t take it anymore. A bit of fear and knowing the bullied kid will fight back can often stop them bullying. A good ass whooping will also help in many cases if the other methods fail, the childs safety is of the utmost importance so I would teach them that if there is no other way then take things physical, hit quick, hit hard, hit smart (the right areas), overwhelm them with a flurry of well placed attacks if possible, draw some blood from busting their nose if you have to but show them you won’t take it lying down, do so ONLY in self-defense. That is usually the one thing other kids respect, it’s basic instincts to avoid messing with someone who will bust your face open if you push them too far. It’s harsh, it’s violent, but until schools start protecting our kids better it’s often the only choice left. Better a broken nose than the kid feeling totally scared and coming to school armed with weapons and believe me I was so afraid n taunted so much that I was extremely tempted to take a cricket bat and permanently injure my bullies knee caps just to get people to LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
At times school appears more like prison rules than a more civilized institution and when people are down to defending themselves with no support then ANYTHING GOES to ensure their survival and well being. I do not fault people that lay the smack-down on their bullies, I fault society for allowing our schools to turn into an unchecked area of such violence that kids seriously contemplate bringing weapons to school just for their own safety. Most of us don’t even do that when we walk out in public, kids are literally safer I believe at the mall than they are at school.
When bullied you have the following options:
1. Tell a teacher or authority figure
(that just changes the type of bullying from benign, for fun, to malicious and resentful. it wont stop it)
2. act the fool
(turning the situation into comedy might stop the bullys from abusing the kid, but then the kid becomes the clown and is never taken seriously or given respect)
3. ignore them
(they will just try harder and harder until they get a response)
4. fight back
(giving a kid a concussion is far-fetched. but even if the fight is a loss or a stalemate, if the kid fights back, EVERY TIME, he was bullied, even if he ends up getting his ass kicked, the bully will move on and find an easier target)
Fighting back is the only option. and the most healthy in the long term.
Teach them to handle it like an adult: If someone’s bothering me I’d ask them to stop, if they refused I’d ignore them, if they still kept going I’d approach the police (or my boss in work). The same things can work for kids, especially if they do it themselves and discover they have the power to stop these things themselves.
Good in theory but far too many adults do not respond or say brush it off and say they are just teasing etc., and do nothing. Then the person being bullied feels powerless especially if they are a child. Therefore there comes a point where the child then needs to be equipped to handle it directly. Especially since many mean girls are good at playing adults and appearing innocent when the adults are around and the victim then is made to look like the trouble maker. Sometimes it is best for children to deal child to child.
My Mother was bullied as a kid, the turning point was when my Grandmother witnessed her running towards the house.
She asked her why she was running and my Mother said that a girl was beating her up and chasing her from school, my Grandmother said the next time she was going to fight the Bully.
The next day my Mother was running towards the door when my Grandmother stopped her and told her to fight, with no where to go my mother not only fought back but beat the Bully badly infront of her friends.
While my Mother taught my older sibilings to fight back, i don’t think she saw me as capable of doing the same.
In a conversation with a teacher in JR High my mother heard about my problems with a Bullies but also how i quickly took care of it, learning about a nickname (“Killah”) she heard before when a classmate greeted me with it.
i don’t want a bully to be afraid of someone else, i want them to be afraid of me.
My son, who is 7 and very sensitive and introspective – the kid who likes to read or endlessly look for bugs (or the elusive weasel who is said to live in our neighborhood) – is being bothered by some older boys at school. 2nd and 4th graders, mostly from one family of over-spawners (if you ask me).
One chucked rice in his face in the cafeteria, at other times they’ve teased him. I talked to the mom and just said, “My son said your son threw rice in his face and it really scared him.” and she said, “MY son would never do that. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
Sure.
We put him in karate and practiced tactics like saying, “Dude, mind your own business” or “Leave me alone” or “Get out of my face” and talking to teachers… Nothing working. They are in a gang. And bigger.
So the other day I was driving up to school and actually witnessed it with my own eyes, they were following him, about six of them, all bigger. He was scared, eyes full of tears, and trying to get away, had abandoned his lunchbox and school work. I parked, jumped out and VERY sternly told them that if they EVER said a mean thing to him, touched him, teased him or even LOOKED at him wrong, I would make life very hard for them. I told them, “I know your mom and I will call her now, and go straight to the principal” and they would be in a world of hurt and also said, that regardless, I would know if they got near him and that it would be VERY VERY bad for them.
I’m sort of a scary mom. I was in their faces and made each and every one of them look straight at me. I’m certain no adult other than a parent has ever spoken to them like that. Kids just don’t fuck around when I’m working in the classroom, or at my house, etc.
I didn’t want my son to feel like he couldn’t defend himself or like his mom had to help him, or whatever, but he’s SEVEN, and he’s small for his age.
***I want him to know that I believe he’s worth standing up for. ***
Last, I talked to a writer here at GMP who works with and knows a lot about boys who’ve been abused/victimized/bullied and works with male survivors. He said basically that if the boys ever touch him, that my son is to go straight to the office and tell them to call me. Then I call the police.
And that’s what I’ll do. The moment the police are called, the school has to do something about the problem kids.
Luckily, I emailed the principal (who was in a meeting when I marched into the office), and he said he knows this is a major problem with these individuals and that they’re working on it, etc. He’s on our side, but I know that keeping my kid safe is my job and I’ll make it happen until he’s big enough to do it for himself.
Also, we’re teaching him the power of an elbow to the face, though frankly when you’re dealing with a bunch of them and they’re all much bigger, I think that’s a bad idea. You don’t want five big kids on your 48 lb kid pounding him.
What do you all think??
USE ONLY IN DEFENSE, NEVER AGGRESSION as they can do A LOT of damage. All physical attacks range in severity but even attacks that appear simple in the movies can kill. Knocking out your opponent cold can cause damage and death via falling if they hit their head, and other issues such as broken bones, cut skin/busted open skin, etc. BE very careful and don’t use unless you’re in danger.
A punch to the solar plexus: Can knock the wind out of an opponent.
Palm strike to nose: Attacks to nose usually make the eyes water n the whole area swells, vision is diminished giving time to escape hopefully or more of an edge in the fight.
Swift shin/knee to the nuts, (probably not a foot as you can sprain easily) Pretty easy to understand how this works, it generally puts even grown men into fetal position.
Elbow to face: Pretty heavy hitting, lots of force and can easily bust open the eyebrow area, bust a nose, lip, etc.
Shin kick from the side coming into the thigh region, slightly below mid thigh: There is a nerve/magic button that will give them a dead leg and inhibit them walking for a lil bit, I’ve done this to someone that fucked with me and they couldn’t get up for a few minutes and surprise surprise, they never bothered me again.
Another dangerous one is grab their hand, push very hard with your other hand or even your body on their elbow and try hyper-extend it. Only use in severe situations since it’ll most likely break/dislocate/do some nasty damage.
Punch the cheek/jaw from the side: Can knock people out so becareful, people have fallen when knocked out, hit their head and died from the injury, 1 hit that can kill.
If it’s really serious you can kick their knee with full force front on with the bottom of your foot, but that’ll probably do some very nasty damage. A hit to the knee from the side will also do some nasty stuff.
In severe threats to your life, a bottom edge of hand/knife hand strike to the throat can kill, it’s the sorta thing you use as a last resort if you’re life is in imminent danger.
Lastly the strongest attack force-wise is the knee strike, lock your fingers around their head, pull their head down whilst “kneeing” and forcing your knee upward, lots of power, lots of damage. You can watch Muay Thai fights and see how devastating that attack is, your son may appear small but that would still hurt like hell from even a small kid.
I’d probably suggest being careful where you punch, if you punch a sharp bone you can focus that energy into a small area and break your hand quite easily. Punching the skull too can break your hand depending on how much force you use. Teaching how to throw punchs properly and effectively will help his defense skill especially if you combine kick boxing/muay thai, stuff from jiu jistu, normal boxing, aikido, etc. The MMA fighters mix it up good and from what I see that is a pretty effective self-defense style as you take what is needed from each school of martial art. The bullies may not have any training and throw wide punchs which could be blocked, deflected, or give your son a chance to grab the hand, twist/grapple n control the opponent.
Failing that, grab a weapon, a bat, anything, in self-defense situations anything goes and if he is getting mobbed then a bat might help, be careful as it can be taken from you and used against you though like all weapons.
I believe it’s Aikido that can teach certain hand grapples which can even smaller people can use against bigger people since when you have your wrist twisted you generally twist with it so it doesn’t get broken.
Now that said, try the peaceful routes first, try call the police or talk to the school office, yell out for help/kick up a ruckus (attracts attention from others who may hear and help). But if they fail then you might have to go physical to defend yourself. Doing the shin to the thigh with an elbow strike will probably incapacitate a target for a bit, giving time to run. This all may sound extreme to teach kids but I’ll be teaching my kid how to defend themselves however I can. Schools fail to protect kids, I think prisons have more punishment for bullying and assault than schools do even.
Being bullied by multiple kids is hard to deal with but if you mess one of them up, you may cop a beating but you’ll probably cop some damn respect. If the bullies are after easy targets, make it dangerous for them to mess with you, give them a reason to believe they may end up in hospital if they mess with you. In my experience most people respond well to fear of being messed up.
Any physical violence can escalate and result in potential temporary, permanent injury and even death. Defend yourself but don’t use it to attack others unwarranted.