From a lifetime of stupid statements to ladies, Jamie Reidy reveals his most idiotic.
Let me preface this by saying I was 25 when these words escaped my mental filter.
At my girlfriend’s apartment on a Saturday afternoon. I was already showered and dressed for the barbecue we’d be attending later. Lying on her bed, I watched her get ready.
I remember frowning in confusion as she pulled the blue and white sun dress out of the closet. That looks way too big for her. After she put it on, I realized it didn’t look too big, it was too big.
She has to know, right? Apparently not, since she seemed quite happy with her appearance. I simply couldn’t let her leave the house like that. A collegiate swimmer and now marathoner, my gal had a rocking figure. This article of clothing hid that fact; it could’ve also hidden her two marathon training partners.
So I made some subtle suggestions in the vein of, “What happened to that red sun dress? I loved that one.” Alas, she was not picking up on what I was putting down. Glancing at the clock, I realized our ETD was fast approaching. I had to do something to stop this dress disaster!!!
“So, uh, baby, did you get free poles with that tent?”
And that, people, is the dumbest thing I’ve ever said to a woman.
What’s yours?
Photo by: LauraLewis23
About Jamie Reidy
“You look like a Puritan school marm.” That’s pretty up there, recently.
White, frilly blouse under a black blazer with huge, flared lapels. Come on.
Hey, what! I have a blouse like that!!!
“Can I kiss you?” First time I was into a girl. She said that you aren’t supposed to ask.
“I love you.” I’ve had two people break up with me over this.
And on a lighter note:
(After a friend of mine was commenting on loser virgins): “Look, I don’t go around calling you a slut but you’ve had more dicks in you than a Nixon convention.” (Honestly I’m pretty proud of this one)
To a friend of mine who said she needed to make her legs more flexible: “Do leg stretches. Spread your legs more.”
“You calling someone crazy isn’t like the pot calling the kettle black, it’s like a black pot calling a white kettle black.”
When someone said she didn’t know how a guy gets with so many girls: “It’s because he’s fat! Just fucking say it. You were insinuating it and we were all thinking it. Just fucking admit it.”
My male friends love me for my one-liners, but I try not to use the offensive ones around my female friends.
My response to “You’re not supposed to ask”; is to say say, “I Ask … Would you like to kiss me?” with a slight smile, and a look in your eyes that says you’re playing sexy power games. If she wants a kiss, she’s gonna have to say yes.
Asking for consent is totally cool,
Tried that, doesn’t work. Life isn’t hollywood. Ya asking for consent is totally cool, but you conflate sex with kissing. If I lean in for a kiss and she pulls back, fine no harm done. But if you have to ask to kiss someone, the chemistry just isn’t there. The first kiss should be spontaneous, and there’s really no harm in that.
I disagree, respectfully, because most people do it your way, and it is ethically sound; but I still disagree because I think my way is better.
I think a person’s decision that they want a kiss, is made a long time before I try to kiss them, and the way I initiate the kiss isn’t going to change their mind.
As for the woman who said “you’re not supposed to ask” to me, she was playing with me, so I played back. (She wanted a kiss)
Apparently it was ‘I love you’.
Two times and both relating to pregnancies or their absence.
Decades ago I ran into an long time friend I’d not seen for nearly a year. When I asked how long she had to go she looked at me strangely. Turns out that rather than being seven or so months pregnant she had simply put on a bit of weight.
Last month a long term client and her partner had to tell me they were pregnant. Admittedly she was a bit overweight to begin with but I still should have been able to spot it. I normally pride myself on knowing what’s going on in the lives of my clients but I let myself down on that occasion.
I feel a strange sense of balance about it for some reason.
LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL as I wipe the tears from my eyes!
The boy who crushed on me in 8th grade wrote in Latin on the blackboard something like: ” NO AMO TE, TE DESIRUM”…. Since I was fluent in French, not Latin, I asked him what it meant…he said it means: “I don’t love you, but I desire you” ….
The same boy used to also sing to me (to the tune of Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain”): “You’re so vain, you’d think this cat was a person…” [the cat was supposed to be in reference to me!] ….
Guess what happened when he tried to ask me to go steady a month later?
What? No one’s offered up “I do” yet? Where are all my resentful married peeps at?
I do, the first time…..the second time I said “I will” , which is better.
Back in my butcher days: “Why do you take so long to get ready, you’ve already got a girlfriend!”
I was promptly reminded that was something that could change really easily. Whoops.
Course, I’m only 25 now…so hopefully I have a long life of saying stupid things to women ahead of me.
Shouldn’t it be butchier? I was picturing you with a big white apron and a massive meat cleaver chopping meat…
When spoken, it’s pronounced ‘butcher.’ This is the second time that’s happened, so perhaps I just need to spell it differently. Or maybe just use ‘butch’ on it’s own. It’s odd that people think I mean ‘butcher’ the noun, though…because really it’s not exactly a very common profession any more.
Perhaps “more butch” would work better! I mean, I got what you were saying, but some of us DO go to butchers. There are many in NYC, and you can’t get better meat than from a nice old-time butcher who knows what he’s talking about. Now if only I could find a woman to enjoy my excellent cooking!
I lived right at the intersection of Little Italy and Chinatown, I lived for the butchers. Coincidentally, my butch years were while I was there. lol.
Haha. Not too many butchers there anymore, unfortunately.
Really? I was only there four years ago, man. That makes me sad.
A lot of the city you wouldn’t even recognize. Broadway isn’t even a street anymore between 14th and 59th… not really. It’s got 1 lane of traffic and the rest of it is for bikes and pedestrians with tables and chairs and stuff. It’s definitely cool, but the city has changed so much in the past decade.
Not too much Little Italy there either, unfortunately. All that’s left is Mulberry Street, and who knows how long before it’s swallowed up.
Yeah it wasn’t much more than Mulberry Street when I was there…but it was a bit more. Oh well, that’s New York…constantly changing.
If not for Collin, I would have continued to assume you meant that you used to be a butcher. I don’t know why that didn’t seem too weird to mention; I also used to work as a butcher and it worked very well with my life-uniform of jeans and t-shirts. It explained to me well enough why you were not thinking of what motivates femmes to dress up.
Yeah heck…looks like the spelling of that term fails. lol.
Finally! I’ve made a worthwhile contribution!
I actually thought you were a butcher and I was trying to make that make sense in the story! WTF?! How about butch-er? Because I just laughed so hard at picturing you hanging a side of beef from a hook!
That would be weird thing to say to a customer in a butcher’s shop! lol.
Yeah next time I use the term, I’ll try to remember not to spell it that way.
Dumbest thing I have ever said to a woman: Told her the truth
Yup, it was a woman at my work who was dating a guy who IMHO was a complete an utter asshole.
For months she asked me what I thought of him as I had met him a bunch of times over lunches at our office. For months I told her I didn’t feel comfortable getting involved in that conversation. She explained that all her girlfriends kept saying how great this guy was etc etc. But she wanted to hear it from a guy who knew him.
I finally had enough and told her I thought he was an asshole and how I have heard him talk about her ‘flaws’ behind her back. Big Mistakes…..she broke up with him and for a very long time kept telling anyone that would list it was “MY FAULT”.
Never again.
I was wondering when the first “I do” joke would arrive!
I was making out pretty hot and heavy with a woman after our second date and I whispered to her, “Just so you know I always practice safe sex.” and when it came time, I realized I did not bring any condoms with me, so instead of telling her I just forgot, I said ” I wasn’t trying to have sex with you tonight so I didn’t bring any” She was almost completely naked and it was go time for real.
Turns out I didn’t need a condom because I never got a call back after that night ended awkwardly.
As a man who had an extramarital affair many years ago, I can only say that I _wish_ the dumbest thing I have ever said was something about a dress being too big. Consider yourself lucky that’s the worst thing you’ve ever said….
Wellokaythen what did you say? Tell us. I was wondering if it was “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore?” Just wondering.
Thanks Debra
I did confess and admitted my feelings and my actions and took responsibility for them, but that’s not really what I said. That’s not really what I was feeling at the time. Nothing I said when I confessed was anything that I think is stupid. Stupid of me to ever put my marriage into that situation, but what I said then was not the stupidest bit. What was stupid were the pointless, transparent lies I told during the affair. Example: “No, it’s not a date. We’re just friends. It’s work-related. She’s like an older sister to me.”
When I was married, my soon-to-be ex and I were having another pointless argument. We were movin into a new place where having a disagreement on where an object should be place. I shoul it should be a point X, she said point Y. (I should preface this by saying I have a degree in art, hers was in engineering.) I was trying to explain to her, using aesthetics and design theory why the object should be placed at point X.
She said,”Are you saying, because you’ve studied art, that you you better than I do about this sort of thing?” I, very reasonably, tried to counter with “Well, if we were discussing something to do with engineering, I would defer to your greater knowledge on the subject.” Didn’t work.
Then, she set me up and I fell for it.
“Are you saying, because you studied art, you have better taste then I do?!?!?!”
I was a fool, a damn fool.
I said…”Yes.”
She never let me me live it down for the rest of our marriage. “Oh wait, let me ask Mr. Artist, who has better taste than I do.”
A fool, I tell you.
Sorry about typos, grammatical errors, etc.
Nah, I really don’t like to play twister but you go ahead without me.
Hahaha! A+ Tom!
When I was just a kid, I told my mother I’d never ruin my body by having any babies. Fate just loves it when you say stupid crap like that.
A guy I had gone to University with and later worked with a few years ago was skilled at awkward conversations. I always had the impression that since he was akward around me that maybe he liked me in school but nothing ever came of it. I’ve since reworked the theory that he may just be an awkard guy. Upon running into me in a packed elevator at the office for the first time since school the conversation after the usual pleasentries went like this:
Me: Which department are you in?
Him: Specialty parts. You?
Me: Power tools
The last thing he says while leaving the full elevator before the doors close: oh ok, so your a tool.
Everyone in elevator couldn’t help but laugh
so Ive got my house for sale,and im movin stuff around in the garage..and a pretty young blonde, and another older blonde gal and guy walk up ,an the “younger” blonde asks me about it, (the gals looked alot alike.)..So I said, well you can come in an look around, and i motioned two the other 2, saying ”an you can bring your folks in ,too,…the older blonde gives me this DIRTY LOOK…an says, Im NOT HER MOTHER….Im her older sister… and I’m ONLY FIVE YEARS OLDER ! Gee, I said, I guess i wont be asking your sister for a JOB anytime soon, lol,lol…
In the spirit of egalitarianism, I suggest an open thread exploring the obvious counterpart question:
“What’s the stupidest thing that a woman has ever said to you?”
Good to look at an issue from all angles.
In college, my then boyfriend, now ex (thank goodness) said this to me after we’d been dating a few weeks: “If we’re just going to lay around and cuddle and not do anything important like have sex, I really need to do some homework.” At the time, I was still trying to be the cool, easy going girlfriend, so I let him off pretty easily, but in retrospect, it’s probably the stupidest thing anyone has ever said to me.
That’s an interesting thought. I wonder how many men in college would identify with having some sort of priority list along the lines of:
1. Sex
2. Getting homework done
3. Cuddling
4. Doing laundry
5. Meeting with the dean about underage drinking
I can tell you as a college instructor that homework seldom makes it up to #2….
Just out of curiosity:
“In college, my then girlfriend, now ex (thank goodness) said this to me after we’d been dating a few weeks: “If we’re just going to lay around and cuddle and not do anything important like have sex, I really need to do some homework.” At the time, I was still trying to be the cool, easy going boyfriend, so _I let her off pretty easily_, but in retrospect, it’s probably the stupidest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
Haha, just a typo. At least I think. Although, I have to admit, he doesn’t stand out in my mind as a very manly male…There’s a reason he’s my ex.