HeatherN offers a “Queer Dictionary” to help understand the terminology surrounding sexuality and gender.
Have you seen people using the acronym “LGBTIQ” and wondered what all those letters mean? Are you wondering whether someone calling you “cis-gendered” is supposed to be an insult or just a description? Are you interested in brushing up on your gender-non-conformity and sexual-non-conformity terminology? If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, then this series of articles is for you.
Over the next few days, I will present to you a dictionary of queer terms, not in alphabetical order. Today we will be focusing on sexual orientation and relationship orientation. So hold onto your butts (or someone else’s if that’s your thing):
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Sexual Orientation/Identity: Describes a person’s pattern of sexual attraction and the biological sexes and genders of the people they are attracted to.
Lesbian: In the words of Sean Penn in the movie Milk: “Gentlemen, Anne Kronenberg—a woman. A woman who likes women, isn’t that unusual?” That pretty much sums it up.
Gay: Aka homosexual; generally used to describe men who like men, but is also used as a synonym for lesbian. Though, to be honest, using this as an umbrella terms often makes lesbians feel excluded. So don’t call a lesbian ‘gay’ unless you know she won’t mind. Also, contrary to popular belief, a love of Judy Garland and show tunes is not required.
Bisexual: Someone who is sexually and/or romantically interested in both males and females. No, this doesn’t mean they are necessarily willing to have sex with you and your boyfriend/girlfriend (though there’s nothing wrong with that).
Asexual: From AVEN, “Someone who does not experience sexual attraction.” Before you ask, no, asexual people aren’t just frustrated that they can’t get laid. They legitimately do not experience sexual attraction. Also, some asexual people do have romantic relationships, just without the sex.
Pansexual: Aka omnisexual: If you’re a fan of Torchwood, then I can best explain this with three words – Captain Jack Harkness. For the rest of you, it’s still a pretty simple definition. It’s a sexual and romantic attraction to all biological sexes and gender identities, not just male and female.
Polysexual: A lot like pansexual, only not quite all-inclusive. It’s a sexual and romantic attraction to multiple biological sexes and gender identities, but not necessarily all sexes and genders.
Androphilia: A term not commonly used to describe anyone (of any gender) who is sexually attracted to men. Basically, gay men and straight women fit into this. Bisexual, polysexual and pansexual people could also fit into this along with being gynephilic.
Gynephilia: A term not commonly used to describe anyone (of any gender) who is sexually attracted to women. Basically, lesbians and straight men fit into this. Bisexual, polysexual and pansexual people could also fit into this along with being androphilic. The point of androphilia and gynephilia is to create a sexual identity that isn’t dependent on the gender of the person it describes. This is particularly useful when describing people from non-western cultures or who do not fit into the west’s gender system.
Questioning: A term generally used to describe someone who is questioning their sexual orientation. Personally, I think Katy Perry’s song is a totally stereotypical representation of this. Jill Sobule’s song from the ‘90s captures this much better and much less stereotypically.
Straight: Aka heterosexual. Now you might be wondering why I’m including this at all. Basically it’s to point out that straight people are no more (or less) special than the rest of us. Heterosexuality is a sexual orientation just like all the rest of these are.
Relationship Orientation: A very uncommon term used to describe different types of sexual and romantic relationships
Polyamory: It is something of an umbrella term used to describe romantic and sexual relationships in which there are more than two people involved, and everyone is knowledgeable and consents. It’s also referred to as “consensual non-monogamy.” No this doesn’t mean that they have orgies every night, though they might (and there’s nothing wrong with that).
Monogamy: A term that describes sexual and romantic relationships that involve only two people. I’m including this for basically the same reason I included ‘straight.’
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Thus our examination of human sexual identity ends, and we’ve only barely dipped our toe into the diversity of sexuality. I could write an entire essay discussing all of the different sexual and relationship identities that exist, but lucky for you I won’t. I have, however, provided you with some basics. Good night and good luck.
Tune in tomorrow for a look at biological sex and gender identity in Part 2. I’ll explain, once and for all, what the ‘I’ in LGBTIQ means. You don’t want to miss it!
Read Part 2 of the Queer Dictionary
Read Part 3 of the Queer Dictionary
Vector of “together” courtesy of Shutterstock
About HeatherN
I had never heard the terms androphilia and gynephilia before, but they’re great words. The fact that there are no common specific words for “attracted to men” or “attracted to women” says a lot about our language.
I’ve argued before that one challenge that hetero men and hetero women face in understanding each other’s views about sex, ideas of beauty, body image, etc., is that if you are not attracted to women then it will be difficult to fully understand someone who is. If you are not attracted to men, then it is harder to understand the experience of someone who is. If you are not attracted to breasts, then it can seem really silly that someone else is attracted to them. (I don’t get how Orlando Bloom is particularly sexy, but I’m [so far] not attracted to men, so I have to just sort of shrug and know that some people find him so.)
At the risk of indulging in stereotypes, I think the high fashion industry creates some very extreme views of feminine beauty because it is heavily (disproportionately?) influenced by people who are not personally gynephilic. Perhaps that liberates their “gaze” from the sexual realm and allows high art, I don’t know.
Now I can use one obscure word instead of a bunch of smaller words.
Your mention of potentially indulging in stereotypes brings up something interesting, I think. It is entirely possible that the fashion industry is heavily influenced by people who aren’t gynephilic (i.e. gay men and straight women). That, in itself, isn’t necessarily a stereotype if it’s true. Where the stereotype enters into it is when people take something like that, and then assume that all/most non-gynephilic people (i.e. gay men and straight women) are interested in fashion. Or to say it simpler:
A lot of fashion designers might be gay men, but a lot of gay men aren’t fashion designers.
So you stayed out of stereotypes.
I think high fashion has a higher than average percentage of gay men working in it. Honestly I can’t tell if I think that because I’ve just accepted that popular impression of gay men and fashion, or if I’m just noticing something that is statistically true. (Or maybe I’m guilty of some sort of confirmation bias when I draw conclusions from TV shows. Besides, why do I assume that Miss J and Heidi Klum are not attracted to women? Do I even know enough about them to make that conclusion?) So, I wanted to be cautious about how I went about saying it and put it out there as a hypothesis.
It’s just odd to me, and seems really unfair to me as a hetero guy, that women would ever draw conclusions about what men want in a woman by using an aesthetic created by people who are not even attracted to women in the first place. That’s like McDonald’s hiring vegans to write commercials for the Big Mac. (I know, I know, the ongoing deconstruction of the links between misogyny and commercialized meat production.)
Weeeeellllll, the difference, from what I understand as a non-fashion person, is that anyone who goes into the fashion business is about trying to enhance the physical body. Like, these are people who appreciate beauty without having it be sexual, ya know? I mean, I have no interest in having sex or a relationship with a man, but I can tell you that George Clooney actually looks better now than he did 30 years ago. Being able to recognize and appreciate physical beauty is not necessarily connected to being “turned on” by that beauty.
I think a lot of people in the fashion industry see the body as a hanger for the clothes. That is, they want models who enhance the clothes, not visa versa!
@Sarah: “I think a lot of people in the fashion industry see the body as a hanger for the clothes”
Exactly!
I have been thinking that for a long time.
Many women think fashion tastes reflect men’s tastes… but that’s untrue; as long as most fashion designers are gay!
As a matter of fact, most men like women’s curves, while fashion designers do NOT – curves get in the way of their clothes!
“I’ve argued before that one challenge that hetero men and hetero women face in understanding each other’s views about sex, ideas of beauty, body image, etc., is that if you are not attracted to women then it will be difficult to fully understand someone who is.”
I think you are right on. I think that’s a big reason why it’s taken a lot of people so long to accept LGBT culture: they wouldn’t do it, so they can’t comprehend why anyone would. Hence the argument “But it’s just not *natural*!” But really they only say that because it’s not natural for them.
I think, especially with college, I’ve found even more beauty in women’s bodies, so while I am happily married to a man, I can certainly see and understand why a woman would be attracted to another woman. It’s helped me understand other people’s perspectives better.
I remember in college some women making fun of, even dismissing, the idea of me or any man finding a woman’s breasts attractive. That made absolutely no sense to them, and that was clearly some sort of pathological objectification that cannot be normal in any way, so really men need to totally get over it. They’re just bags of flesh, you idiot, how dare you.
Thanks
I was wondering what A was for ages, despite having several asexual friends. XD
Sometimes the “A” is for Allies…which I will be explaining more in part 3.
Thank you Heather!
I’m fairly new to the gender issues, so a bit of vocabulary helps.
I’m looking forward to the next parts, especially LGBTIQ: LG I knew, I just recently got the meaning of BT, and now there’s even more…!
PS: I find your comments always interesting, and I agree with most of them.
You’re one of my favourite GMP commenters.
Thanks, and thanks.
I’m telling you, Gender/Sexual Minorities or GSM is the way t go, that way nobody can get pissed off if your order of “lgbtqaqqi-m-o-u-s-e” is wrong or you accidentally leave someone out.
I’ll be addressing the problem with overarching terms like GSM in part 3. Don’t miss it.
Everyone is a member of sexual minority. Even heterosexuals are in minorities, because they can be separated into heteros attracted to men and heteros attracted to women. I wonder how much ALL heterosexuals really have in common, if they’re not all attracted to the same sex. Is being hetero all that unitary of an identity?