Jamie Reidy imagines what Woody Allen and Lindsay Lohan talked about at their recent dinner, with help from some of the writer/director’s famous quotes.

WOODY: If I could just see a miracle, just one miracle. If I could see a burning bush… or… Or my Uncle Sasha pick up a check.

LINDSAY: A ‘burning bush’? Is that some kind of ‘fire crotch’ joke?

WOODY (nearly knocks over his sparkling water): W-W-WHAT? No!  Of course not! I was just–

LINDSAY: –because I’ve been shaved for a longtime down there. Which you probably saw in ‘Playboy.” Or when I got out of the car.

WOODY: Last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

LINDSAY: I’d love to play her.  (Off Woody’s confusion.)  It’d be all facial expressions. Except now my face doesn’t move. WTF, Botox?

WOODY: I don’t want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.

LINDSAY: Pfft. Not all of them, apparently.

WOODY: The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it’s done right.

LINDSAY: Speaking of prison, would you mind peeing in this cup for me?