Listen, we don’t always rock with Steve Harvey’s brand of homespun, downhome, sometimes sexist wisdom, but this time Brother Harvey is onto something.
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On a recent show titled, “I love my man but…” Love, a newlywed, contacted Harvey to get some advice on how to deal with her husband’s chilly reception to her natural hair. Although the pair had been together for nine years, Love’s husband had never seen her without her weave until recently.
“I understand natural hair takes time to grow out, [but] it wasn’t something I was used to,” Love’s husband told Harvey when the talk show host asked why he had such an extreme reaction to his wife’s hair. “I just wish there was more things she could do with it so that it could be more appealing.”
Love said her husband’s comments make her feel bad about herself and admitted she’d wear her natural hair out more often if she had her husband’s support.
Harvey had a word for Love’s husband, telling him, “You can’t be any more wrong with your approach. You cannot, at no point in a relationship with a woman, say or make them feel unattractive.”
Harvey continued: “You gotta be just a little more understanding, this is who you married. And the bottom line is, they have a choice. It’s theirs. It ain’t yo damn head! All you did was put a ring on her finger, this ain’t yours.”
C’mon Steve! Tell it!
This post originally appeared at Clutch Magazine. Reprinted with permission.
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She just have to accept that he doesn’t like her hair and he has to accept that she is not willing to put chemicals and fake hair to please him. Do not ask for his permission (opinion); it is her hair and her decision how to carry it.
Now if women could just be told the same thing about men’s hair…….. Had a beard ever since could grow one at 18….. most of the last 37 years I had long hair also. Hell, my younger sister (35) put a $1000 bounty on my ponytail once….. Men’s hair is policed just as much, if not more than Women’s. Yet here again is an article that is rather “one sided”.
For me, if the only acceptable answer I am allowed to give a woman is yes and “of course I like it.. I don’t just like it I love it” then it is impossible for me to feel like it is safe for me to share my honest truth or feel if who I am and what I feel matters to the person I am with. This is not the way to have a truly equal and honest relationship between men and women. And if men are expected to get in line with seeing women as strong, independent and capable… Read more »
Ugh. So, the husband isn’t entitled to his opinion? She makes a dramatic change and he’s supposed to pretend he’s not startled? And since when are we teaching men that it’s okay to lie to a woman that you love to “make her attractive”? Guys, you are NOT responsible for her self-esteem. You are not in charge of coddling her and protecting her from differing opinions. You are certainly not supposed to internalise your opinions for the sake of marital happiness. What woman would want to be with a guy who feels compelled to lie to her about little things… Read more »