Cambridge University has some bad (or maybe good?) news for you…
Men who do more household chores are happier!
This seems impossible, but apparently there is some pretty good research to back up this claim. The Telegraph explains:
A study of men across seven countries found that those who shouldered a bigger share of domestic responsibilities had a better sense of wellbeing and enjoyed a better work-life balance.
But experts suggested that, while this may be partly because they felt less guilty, the main reason could be that they had simply learnt the secret of a quiet life.
They asked a bunch of men standard questions about their happiness and welling, including feeling “fulfilled” (ahh, the ever-elusive sensation of fulfillment!).
The researchers expected to find that where men shouldered more of the burden, women’s happiness levels were higher.
In fact they found that it was the men who were happier while their wives and girlfriends appeared to be largely unmoved.
Those men who did more housework generally reported less work-life conflict and were scored slightly higher for wellbeing overall.
What do you think contributes to this? Is it correlational (i.e. men who are already happy and fulfilled are the ones who tend to do more housework)? Or is it causational (i.e. the chores actually make the man happier)?
Image of man doing laundry courtesy of Shutterstock
I think it’s the joint teamwork that aids the perception of connection. People who tackle a problem together or work together to complete a task or overcome an obstacle feel a sense of bonding. I’m sure there would be a positive effect on the relationship if they cleared a section of brush together or split some wood. The main thing is “teamwork”…your partner should be your teammate, as in “on your side” and you should work together not in opposition. That’s what I perceive as the larger picture in this situation….and the way my parents structured their relationship (and they… Read more »
I do not “help around the house”. Just as I do not babysit my own children.
It’s my house. My children. My (shared) responsibility.
And, yes – choice of words matter. Saying them men should “help” implies that housework is women’s responsibility, something women understand and plan, and that the task of men is to do manual, unthinking labour when asked.
Also reminds me about a study a couple of years back, where people were asked to estimate how much of a given number of household chores they performed themselves. The result came out on average as men estimating themselves of doing 40-50%, while women estimating 70-80%.
Of course, the study were published under titles like “Men THINK they do half of the housework, when they relly do only 1/4!”.
Because, you know, obviously it’s the MEN who are overrating their own contribution, while what women says on the subject must be taken at face value…
Well I’ve heard that some women value individual amount of gestures vs size of gestures so doing 2 chores that take 5 hours isn’t seen as valuable as doing 3 chores that take 2 hours.
I do the majority of the housework in my home. I cook 4-5 nights a week for me and my wife and 2 kids, usually clean up the kitchen afterwards, do dishes, floors, bathrooms and handle the outside maintenance, mow grass, weed/water plants, and clean the pool. My motivation in that is not specifically to please my wife, though I do know that she appreciates it and that does give me a sense of satisfaction. The reason why I do that stuff is because I enjoy maintaining my living space so that is is clean, comfortable and presentable. I also… Read more »
Depends if your partner is working as many hours as you are though. I’d be annoyed if my partner worked halftime, I worked fulltime and then had to do most of the housework. Sharing is caring! 😛
3 points: 1) For Fracks Sake, stop calling it “help” when taking care of shit you yourself are responsible for! 2) Correlational. People are different, you know? And I’d venture to guess that people who want to have a clean and tidy house themselves, and actually makes it so, should on average be happier than people who sees it as a chore and/or are pressed and constantly nagged into doing the same chores. 3) If wives and girlfriends were largely unmoved by men shouldering more of the burdens, shouldn’t that negate the “age-old” notion that people would be prone to… Read more »
On number 3 I think that depends more on energy levels, they might be the same mood but if they do housework alone they might be burning up energy to get the house “in order” and when it’s sexytimes they’re more desiring sleepytimes. Babysteps are good, that’s how I started to learn how to do more housework. Do a bit here n there and before I knew it I was enjoying it and doing a heap more, but much of my increase in housework was me overcoming my depression. When I was depressed or stressed I just didn’t care about… Read more »
Maybe we’re talking about the same thing here, I’m not really sure. But what I mean is that if you really want to have sexy-time with your partner, you’ll make sure to set aside some spare time and energy to do it. Maybe not every day, but at least on a somewhat regular basis. Barring medical or clinical conditions of course, but if you start making regular excuses, like working too much and/or not getting enough “help”, then I guess your libido wasn’t all that high to begin with, or you are not all that satisfied about what you get… Read more »
I haven’t found that doing more around the house made much of a difference in the bedroom. Is trading chores for sexual attention any less insulting than offering money? In either case it pretty clearly shows a lack of interest on the part of the other partner.
I honestly think the needing to clean the house excuse is bullshit.
I think it has a lot to do with expectation level. Men are by nature low maintenance. I know a guy who bought 30 pairs of the same socks. He’d wash them once a month and folding was a snap. Another guy used to eat Ravioli right out of the can. He had one fork to wash. I have no problem with frozen pizza or instant soups. I think men who do more chores simply have a higher expectation level out of life and when they achieve it are happier.
Men are by nature low maintenance Even if we accept that as a truism, children are *not* low maintenance. If you have children, someone has to do the work – unless you’re going to leave it to the kids to cook if they can live on a diet of Ravioli out of a can? In a larger perspective, I really do not understand the “I don’t care about your needs” line of argument. I may have a much higher tolerance for clutter, say, than my partner, but since we’re partners and intend to remain so, we have to find a… Read more »
When I was a kid, I liked ravioli. I wouldn’t eat it out of the can. My mom would always warm it up. I’d warm it up for a kid too. There is a difference in what you expect and what you should provide another. You’re right marriage requires negotiation, but why would that necessarily equate to the person having the lower tolerance for clutter getting their standard adopted? Does the person with the lower sex drive always have to accommodate their partner? If you think a house needs to be cleaned every three months and she feels that it… Read more »
If she wants the house vacuumed more than once a week, she’s doing it herself :P. But seriously, cleaning too much can be a problem and if I had a wife that wanted to vacuum 2-3 times a week then SHE is the one increasing the workload for cleaning to a point I find unnecessary, and no I won’t help vacuum 3x a week when once is perfectly fine. I wouldn’t expect her to help me clean the yard 3x a week if I was super picky about the yard.
I think guys who are willing to help are happier because their wifes are also happier when guys are helping them. Many studies shows that couples who are sharing the housework tend to be more happier, to have more active sex life and so on. As a woman I really love men who are willing to share the housework and can cook!
Except, you know, that it was actually stated
” The researchers expected to find that where men shouldered more of the burden, women’s happiness levels were higher.
In fact they found that it was the men who were happier while their wives and girlfriends appeared to be largely unmoved. ”
(And c’mon, the article wasn’t even THAT long…)
Positive encouragement helps, if he messes it up then thank him for trying and offer advice on how to do it differently. If you chew him out hard for not cleaning decently then he’ll be turned off to the idea. This is a tip that can be applied to many intereactions between men and women, hell even just all of life. I’ve had people get real negative when I have HELPED THEM clean and it’s made me give up, and do something else as I felt unappreciated and annoyed. Those who give me positive encouragement or even just thank me… Read more »
I think it’s more to do with men are happier and help out more. Does it take into account time worked? Because the recent stats I saw from the census had men working more hours in their jobs and women working more in housework, disparity was about 1 hour each, but add both together and it was pretty much equal.
When I am depressed I feel less like cleaning though, when I am happier I am more motivated to clean.