Ten Embarrassing Things I’ve Done in Public

No pants

Josh Bowman lists some of the more embarrassing moments he has had.
There are sure to be many more.

Note: there are lots more. These are just some highlights.

  1. In kindergarten, I was pulling down my snow pants in the hallway, along with the rest of my class. I pulled down my real pants. And underpants.
  2. In Grade 5, I found out from a mutual friend that my “girlfriend” (our relationship was formed on the basis of our mutual appreciation of the rap group “The Dream Warriors”) had broken up with me. I yelled at her when I saw her next, in front of our octogenarian crossing guard. I used a lot of swears. Our crossing guard never looked at me the same way.
  3. On my Bar Mitzvah day, I went up to the Bimah in front of my family and friends. I messed up my portion so often that the rabbi we had at the time (he wasn’t technically a rabbi, but close enough) interrupted me to finish sentences I was having trouble with. That only made it worse.
  4. In junior high school, I got caught in a water fight, which resulted in me getting sprayed in the crotch. I wore sweatpants a lot in those days. The rumour was that I had peed my pants (a rumour which I fervently denied).
  5. In junior high school, I was working in a group. I drifted off and began singing “Even Flow” by Pearl Jam softly to myself. I looked up, and everybody had stopped working and was just staring at me.
  6. In high school, I ran for student government against this guy who was way cooler than me. My friend Chris convinced me to give a rhyming speech which I did in front of the whole school. Little did I know that my opponent rapped his speech, for real.
  7. On several occasions I have gone to networking events with food clearly in my teeth.
  8. I went to school and lived briefly in London, Ontario. I was feeling very sick one day, and decided to take the bus to a pharmacy where I could pick up some medication (Advil or something). I felt so sick that I had to pull the bell, get off in the middle of nowhere, and vomit on the side of the road. In broad daylight in front of the passengers as the bus drove away.
  9. I fell asleep in a meeting at work a couple of years ago. Head down on the table. I was asked a question and I woke up. All of the managers were at that meeting. I have also fallen asleep during training sessions. One-on-one training sessions.
  10. I wrote this list.

—Photo jing2vlz/Flickr

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About Josh Bowman

Josh Bowman is a professional fundraiser, story-teller, comedian, and blogger. He has worked and consulted in Vancouver, New York, and now Toronto for almost a decade. Josh improvises around Toronto, including regular shows with Opening Night Theatre, and also blogs for the Huffington Post. You can email Josh or follow him on Twitter. If you want to submit a guestpost or know more about Josh, check this post and this post out first.

Comments

  1. Sabrina Bowman says:

    It runs in the family. Remember that time I was on the national news with MP Pat Martin, walking up the steps of Parliament Hill, and right at the end of the shot, when we went up the stairs, my pants were hanging down and my pink underwear was peeking out? That was pretty sweet.

    • Joanna Schroeder says:

      That’s pretty awesome. Nothing like underpants at Parliament Hill.

      Once I got this clever idea that I wanted to dye my blonde hair WHITE and have little orange streaks in it (brilliant). I went to a salon and what I got instead was yellow hair with big orange chunks in it.

      That day I had to return to work after my styling appointment, and it happened to be one of the days that the now-infamous show “Nick and Jessica Newlyweds” was shooting in our store in LA. So there I am, helping Jessica Simpson and her mom, three cameras on us, not realizing that my hair looked exactly like a tropical fish.

      That night my friends had a hair-tervention with me and I had the color fixed the next day. I sort of forgot about the tropical fish day, until I started getting calls from every relative and friend that they just saw me on Newlyweds! I turned on the TV and there I was. With orange and yellow striped hair.

  2. Joanna Schroeder says:

    I’m with you on the snow pants.

    In high school, my locker was right next to the main hallway where everyone filed in all at once and pushed and shoved like salmon going upstream at Yellowstone.

    At this point in the 90s, I was very into the whole Grunge thing, and instead of a winter jacket I wore a GIANT, thick oiled wool Scottish sweater with a turtleneck. So I’m standing in the hallway at prime traffic hour talking to a boy and I pull off my giant sweater and fail to notice that not only that sweeter, but the shirt underneath had come off too. So there I stood in a lace undershirt and nothing else. Totally see-through. And I’m just talking talking talking, probably about Courtney Love and Hole or Eddie Vedder or Jane Magazine and my guy friend looks at me and goes, “Dude, is that like, a shirt? Because I can see your boobs.”

    That’s when I realized that in what was probably only about ten seconds of nudity at least 20% of each grade level had seen my winter-white flesh.

  3. Glad none of these confessions are as abhorrent as “I wore sandals with socks” or “I started arranging flowers.”

  4. Jeepers…l woke up with a woman whose name I couldn’t remember- we met in a bar. Joe Chivalry, thinking fast & when she was in the toilet I creeped her purse looking for a driver’s license- she caught me….

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