Originally appeared at Ten Things I’ve Learned
Note: in university, I was taught that the word “queer” has been re-appropriated as a sort of catch-all for any sexuality that is not “heteronormative”. But since normal doesn’t really exist (it has to do with Derrida, or something), then we’re all a bit queer! I guess you can also use LGBTTTQ, if you want to include certain groups of people specifically, but they keep adding letters and honestly, it doesn’t roll off the tongue like “queer”.
- I don’t believe you choose who you are attracted to. The heart wants what the heart wants, you know?
- If I could choose my sexuality, I would have chosen “bi”. It really opens up your options.
- You should not make assumptions based on stereotypes…but there is a reason that they exist. When I lived in Vancouver…it wasn’t that every Commercial Drive lesbian wore red baseball caps, hoodies, and cargo pants. But if I did meet a woman who wore a red baseball cap, a hoodie, and cargo pants, 9 out of 10 times she was a lesbian.
- Sexuality is fluid. Most straight people I know have had some kind of gay or lesbian experience at some point in their lives. Lots of gay guys have had girlfriends. I’ve fooled around with the occasional lesbian, and the occasional gay man. Most people are “mostly” something; very few people are 100% straight/gay/lesbian/whatever….and people who insist that they are, are lying.
- One of the funniest things I’ve ever heard in my life was at the Pride parade in Vancouver. I was hanging out in this huge crowd with my friend David, who is hilarious and SUPER gay. I think at the time he was shirtless and had sparkles all over his body? Anyway, I don’t know if he had allergies or what, but he was sneezing a lot. After one particularly loud sneeze, he shouts “Ah!! I think I’m allergic to f****ts!!”
- I don’t know why straight dudes are so petrified that every gay man is trying to hit on them. Just…think about yourself. Are you attracted to every woman you see, even if they are balding and old and have potbellies and smell bad? Ok then. Get over yourselves.
- Even though television and movies tell us otherwise, gays and lesbians are actually just like you and me! Amazing! Not every gay man is a design whiz, relationship expert, incorrigible flirt, or fashionista. Not every lesbian is grumpy, sarcastic, or works in construction.
- We straight guys like to point out that gay men often have a particular speech pattern, and it’s like…how come so many gay men have this speech pattern? But, you know…we do too. We learn how to act, dress, and talk like dudes in the same way. There is a very specific code…and honestly, it is one I still don’t fully understand. But when I’m playing basketball with jocky guys, I do my best to man up and be all like “yo, man…sup?” and do the hand slap thing.
- One of the best compliments I ever received was from a drag queen who told me I was “straight, but not narrow”.
- Humour is the best way to break down prejudice and build bridges. I believe Ellen and Dan Savage have done so much to break down hate and ignorance, and it’s because they are funny and charming and people want to watch Ellen and read Dan Savage. I understand that we need to talk about these issues academically too, but really…unless it’s understandable and well written, 99.99999% of the world could care less about what Foucault had to say about power and sexuality.
Image of Two Young Men Kissing courtesy of Shutterstock
It’s the war of the lgbt acronyms! lolz
LGBTTQQIGATSA: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Transexual, Queer, Question, Intersex, Genderqueer, Asexual, Two-Spirit and Allies. 🙂 (I win.)
Mind, it’s got the word ‘queer’ in it anyway so might as well use it. Though, I do know a few people who dislike the term, even when trying to take it back, because it’s got so much negative baggage. And that’s understandable. I actually like it though as a good inclusive, yet simple term.
How about “Queer, et al”?
Maybe too academic sounding….
Oo, or how about “Queer and Friends,” like a sit-com? 🙂
Honestly I’ve taken to using GSM- Gender and Sexual Minorities
Oo, I like it.
“and people who insist that they are, are lying.”
Oooo, all kinds of issues there…
I liked the rest of the article though 🙂
Dan Savage is terribly transphobic.
…and monosexist, and fat-shaming, and sexist, and racist….
You know, pretty much unless you’re a white, affluent, gay man like he is… he really doesn’t give a shit about you. I really wish people would stop treating the guy like he’s some kind of “queer messiah”
He’s not as transphobic as he used to. I think he’s learning.
“2.If I could choose my sexuality, I would have chosen “bi”. It really opens up your options.”
Not as much as you might think. Thanks to the stereotypes that bisexual people aren’t capable of “commiting,” that we’re really lying about our sexuality (or as in the case of bisexual men, that we don’t actually exist) and the not insignificant streak of monosexism that runs through the queer and non-queer communities alike, often you’re limited to other bisexual people.
That is so the truth. Bisexual in the straight community also signals to some people that you’re just a sexual toy too there to fulfill the kinky fantasy of multiple partners in bed at once. For for me in the gay community as a bi woman I don’t even exist either. Shunned for not being lesbian enough. One of the best discussions I was listening to once was the fact that in the LGBT commmunity the B’s and T’s are there only to create mass for the L and the G agendas. When it comes to a B or more… Read more »
Oh yeah. I’ve noticed that too. Although for bi guys, it’s not so much that we’re “fantasy fulfilling sex toys” (because most straight guys aren’t down with a MMF threesome) rather we’re disease spreading sexual predators.
And, I dunno, I’m still not sure how comfortable I feel in so-called “queer spaces” especially if I happen to be dating a woman at the time. So I definitely get what you mean about us just being there for “critical mass”
It’s rather irritating.
Why do pics of gay guts always have to portray them as eccentric and odd? Most gay guys I know don’t where mesh or shave their heads in weird ways.
I can see that. I chose the pic, and I chose it because it was composed so well and made you want to click on it because it seemed exciting.
But truly, no gay guy I know in real life shaves his head funny… At least not after the age of 25.
Actually, I completely take that back. A few do. But not most.