Guestposter Nancy Parker talks about her difficult times talking, and how she has learned to open up.
Josh’s Note: I received two posts out of the blue, so I’m putting them up today and tomorrow. I’m always looking for interesting guest posts.
Note: I’ve always had a hard time telling people what I was thinking. Not to say I had a hard time talking, that’s a whole other ball of wax, but truly sharing myself was something I just didn’t do. No matter how close I got to people, I never really let anyone in. Now, what that did to my life was create a wall; a wall that left me lonely, confused, and unsatisfied. Through much effort and a lot of time, I’ve slowly began to tear down the wall. As I did, I learned a few things:
- Tell people what you need – I always had a hard time getting my needs met in relationships. I always felt like I gave everything and got nothing. Well, of course I did! I never told anyone what I needed. The more clear you are with people about your needs, the more needs you will get met. After all, they are not mind readers.
- Tell people what you don’t like – Another aspect of this is telling people when you don’t like things. I am not talking about getting your feelings hurt, that’s another umber but just general yucky things to you. People will keep doing what they do if you don’t make them realize you don’t like it.
- Tell people how much they mean to you – No one knows what they mean to you if you don’t tell them. You can love someone a whole lot and they won’t know it if you never say anything. Yes, actions speak, but words are important too. Let people know how you feel about them.
- Tell people when they hurt you – I walked around for many years getting my feelings hurt over and over again and never saying a word. That doesn’t make me a martyr- that makes me stupid. You can’t expect people to know why you are hurt if you don’t tell them.
- Don’t get mad, use words – A lot of times I would get hurt and then get angry. No one knew why I was mad at them because I never told them that they hurt me. Do you want people to think you are just an angry person? Of course not! Use your words instead.
- It doesn’t have to make sense – I used to beat myself up if my thoughts and feelings didn’t make sense. If I ‘shouldn’t’ be hurt by what they said or did. I never gave myself permission to be upset, even when I was, because it didn’t make sense. Poppycock. If you are hurt then you are hurt, sense or no. Tell people and maybe they can help you find the reasoning behind it. Even if they don’t at least you will deal with it and not sweep it under the rug to blow up later.
- You don’t have to like everyone – You won’t like everyone you meet, and that is okay. You don’t have to like people to talk to them. You don’t even have to talk to them if you don’t want to. You don’t owe anyone anything and they don’t owe you anything. Chill.
- You don’t have to tell everything – Even if you do talk, you don’t have to tell everything you know. It is okay to hold back a little, especially if you don’t know them well.
- If you never say, they never change – No one will change their habits if you don’t tell them what you like and don’t like. If you don’t speak up they will assume what they are doing is okay. Don’t be constantly hurt or offended. Speak up for yourself. All they can say is no and then you can deal with that.
- Say no – I love this one! You can say no to people. If you don’t want to do something or go somewhere, just say no. No one will die. No one will stop loving you. You can stand up for yourself and your needs and desires. Shocking!
I know most of these may seem like common sense, but these are things that have taken me a long time to learn. I know there are other people like me out there, so just remember to use your words, say what’s on your mind, and don’t be scared to say no.
Author Bio: Nancy Parker was a professional nanny and she loves to write about wide range of subjects like health, Parenting, Child Care, Babysitting, nanny, etc. You can reach her @ nancy.parker015 @ gmail.com