Josh Bowman is spending the next couple of weeks offering tips on how to do basic activities (you’re welcome). Today: eating in public.
- Throw away your waste. If you have the option to recycle or compost…do it.
- Order of food to consume during a picnic: cheese, milk, soup, fruits, veggies, orange juice, bread, beer, trail mix, chips. I know you want to eat the chips first, but you are going to end up with a lot of sweaty cheese if you aren’t careful.
- Are you in a confined space? Does your food smell horrible? Will you die if you don’t eat it? Think about it. Please.
- A picnic on a beach might end up a picnic on a nude beach, and might result in a naked gay dance party in the water while a latin band plays “Tequila” over and over again. So…be prepared.
- Pizza is a good food to eat and walk. Sushi can work too. Soup…no.
- Find a bench and wolf that sub. Just be aware that the people on the other bench are quietly laughing about you going to town on that sub.
- People think you’re weird if you eat during business meetings. Even if the meetings are during lunch. Even if there is food available. Personally, I don’t care. I like free food, and when I’m hungry, I eat. But I understand that it’s frowned upon.
- Don’t talk with your mouth full. Don’t sneeze with your mouth full.
- Keep your conversation to a respectable level. If you are worried about being heard over the sound of forks clinking against plates, just try articulating your consonants. You might not have to yell.
- Enjoy your food. Nobody likes a sad eater.