If you are always worried that she will be socially inappropriate or that she will act out, then you need to get out. You need to be sure that she won’t start yelling in an art gallery or telling dead baby jokes to your mother.
Note: this post is inspired by a similar piece on idatedthatdouche. I am fortunate to be dating someone terrific now, but I’ve certainly dated a lot of ‘not the one’s. I’d also like to take this opportunity to say that this piece is meant to be light-hearted, and the reality is that while we often assume gender binaries, there are lots of men who are too clingy just as there are lots of women who tomcat around. Ok, mini rant done. Here goes!
- She Never Talks – If you are dating somebody who is content to sit and never say a word, it is boring as hell. Maybe some guys like that, but for me it is impossible to relate to somebody who never has an opinion on anything.
- She Calls Five Times A Day - Five times a day is too many times. You should be comfortable enough in your relationship to not have to check up on your partner after every trip to the bathroom.
- She Wants To Get Married…To Anybody – This is a common theme, and I blame the patriarchy. Nonetheless, you should be careful dating somebody who hears wedding bells after the first date with any man, or who already owns a wedding dress. They might be more into the idea of marriage than actually marrying you.
- She Never Introduces You - Have you ever been in a situation where you are with somebody, and they start talking to a friend in a bar, finish the conversation, and you realize that you were just standing there saying nothing the whole time, and they never bothered to make an introduction? I’ve been there, and heck…I’ve done it myself! It’s a jerk move, and it’s a particularly jerk move if you do it to your boy/girl friend. Don’t.
- She Never Pays -Ok, I am happy to pay for meals from time to time, and I think men should pay on the first date because chivalry or whatever. Once you are in a relationship, however, things change. If you are both making money, you should both be willing to chip in. Dating somebody who never pays for drinks, food, tickets, clothes, or taxis gets old super fast. If you make your own money, contribute.
- You Don’t Want Her To Meet Your Family - I rarely introduce my family to people I’m dating. Very rarely. I just don’t see the point unless it is going somewhere. If you don’t want her to meet your family, ever, then that is a good signal that this relationship has a definitive and short time span.
- You Are Constantly Annoyed/Frustrated/Depressed - If you feel like Al Bundy (classic TV reference), you are in the wrong relationship. You should love your partner. If you dread seeing her, or hearing her attack you, or listening to a horrifically boring story about cats, or having bad sex (or no sex), DTMF.
- She Is Unpredictable, Quick To Anger/Sadness/Exuberance -Ok, this is not always the worst, as it could be a sign of passion. At the same time, somebody who is truly unpredictable can be very difficult to be in a relationship with, as you never know what’s going to happen next. The fantasy is the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, but the reality is spending hours on the phone listening to sobbing, alternated with screaming.
- She Embarrasses You Constantly -You should want to hang with your friends and your girlfriend. You should want to be able to go to networking events or social functions with her. If you are always worried that she will be socially inappropriate or that she will act out, then you need to get out. You need to be sure that she won’t start yelling in an art gallery or telling dead baby jokes to your mother.
- She Would Make a Terrible Mom - Well, not everybody wants kids, and if you don’t want kids maybe this doesn’t matter to you. I would argue that the qualities of a good mom apply to a good partner as well. Qualities like being loving, caring, thoughtful, funny, open-minded, and direct.
I am going to add a final thought…the right person for you really loves who you really are. More than anything else, they get what you are about, and that does it for them. You both just really like spending time together. You have a similar sense of humour. You are in the same place in your lives. You argue because you give a shit about each other. You are willing to make an investment. You have good sexual chemistry. Love is difficult to find or understand, and a string of bad relationships can leave you feeling pretty jaded. All I can say is that these experiences, hopefully, teach us more specifically what we want and what we don’t want in a relationship. They teach us to be able to spot something special, and how to play it cool. They teach us not to repeat our mistakes. They also teach us to be self-aware, and to work on our own anxieties and issues.
Image of crazy housewife courtesy of Shutterstock