Tom Matlack’s “Have You Seen My Mangina?” inspired this comment from Thomas Miller at YourTango.com:
Tom isn’t advocating the pussification of America. He’s fighting the douchification of the American man. Pop culture (“the media”) manages to portray men as rods, doofuses, and jags. On primetime TV, a number of the comedic characters are hapless men dragged around by their ball-busting wives whom they can’t leave because the husbands have out-punted their coverage in terms of looks. On reality TV, the cool dudes are borderline sociopaths who will do or say anything to drag some club trick back to their smash room. Are all guys really like that?
Esquire is a middle-brow magazine that seeks to appeal to the greatest common factor in men. Apparently, it’s boobs. By that calculus, some of us like hot rods, some of us like politics, some of us like video games, but all of us like the female body (sorry, 95 percent of us). And that’s great to beat off to, but not someone to actually “love.”
I do disagree with a few of Tom’s stances: for instance, I know a few models who are interesting ladies. And his replacement list isn’t my cup of tea either (I’d rather jam honey up my culo and squat on a fire ant hill than hang out with the Millionaire Matchmaker). But I appreciate the sentiment that we’re doing ourselves a disservice by perpetuating the bro-ed out stereotype of being a bunch of walking hard-ons who spend more time chanting “show us your tits” than thinking “how can I leave this shithole a better place?”
We all know that character (or whatever intangible that you personally dig) goes further than a pretty face and great figure, because eventually you get tired of fucking even the sexiest of bodies.
Esquire is a fine magazine, but the question remains, is a “man at his best” just fantasizing about sexing up seemingly vacuous women? Even Playboy interviewed Ayn Rand with the idea that there was more to being a well-rounded man than staring at a broad’s ample front porch.
Let me know if I missed the point.
Nah, you nailed it.
Here’s hoping the Mangina Monologues continue. What does it take to be a well-rounded man? Are building character and reading Esquire mutually exclusive?
—Photo via MTV.com
About the Editors
There are two kids of douches. You’ve only covered one of them.
Right. Male and female.
Thomas Miller, eh? I’m going to click on that link & see what that is all about; that is a good summary.
Yes, I am a woman, and I am probably a feminist… I guess, if labels have to be applied, but I am also a wife and the mother of two great strapping young men.
Like so many other women, I grew tired of the stereotypes (such as the currently appropriate ‘women don’t understand the off-side rule’ – give me a break!) and the sexual harassment in the workplace (‘unfold your arms, you’re blocking the view’ my director used to tell me).
However, I have absolutely no appetite for the current swing of the pendulum which renders it just peachy to slag off men in a way that it is no longer acceptable to do in respect of women.
My sons are left feeling utterly confused: do I hold the door open for her or don’t I? Do I stand aside for her or don’t I? What constitutes good manners and what constitutes sexism? And you know what? I don’t know what to tell them! I have had countless arguments with friends who insist that they wanted to be treated as equals, but they still want to be treated like ladies.
I think it will be a long old time before this one is resolved, and I have every sympathy with the confusion that reigns in the male mind in the meantime.
Karyn Romeis I can see where you’re coming from (to some degree) and I appreciate your position, but I don’t really get it. How can you be confused about what to tell your children? How about telling them to practice civility? That’s just basic and the world is seriously lacking in that area. I hold the door for men and women, young and old. I’ll hold it at a coffee shop, a book store, the post office, a restaurant. And I’m sorry but if someone gets offended that I have somehow mistreated them by taking away their independence, their identity, or their equality, then hell with them. It’s call common sense. Decency. Civility.
And how can you even be confused: “Photo via MTV.com.” Really? You mean the same network that switched from music videos to Real World, Skins, and trash brought us this photo of two guys who find it manly to press their pecks together while wearing over-marketed board shorts, sporting gelled hair (at a BEACH), and flashing smug grins? That’s just shocking.
But what’s more shocking are the men (and women) that buy into it. If you turn to places like MTV to get your definition of man or woman, there’s a problem. And “I appreciate the sentiment that we’re doing ourselves a disservice by perpetuating the bro-ed out stereotype of being a bunch of walking hard-ons who spend more time chanting ‘show us your tits’ than thinking ‘how can I leave this shithole a better place?’. Who’s perpetuating this? I know I’m not. I don’t need to turn on Real World to learn how to stand on a beach with my “bro” and flip a peace sign.
But it’s like anything else: it exists because people let it. I think it’s safe to say that not everyone watching MTV falls into the category of ignorant or “douchbag” (which in itself is a worthless word), but they still watch it. Why? Probably to laugh at what they see, but, if they didn’t, MTV would see ratings drop and they’d need to make a change (perhaps). So I’m not blaming you, Karyn (or Thomas for that matter), but I’m saying that I don’t understand your confusion or your “sympathy with the confusion that reigns in the male mind in the meantime.” If you raise your boys to be respectful, courteous, and civil all around, you’ve done well. If people choose to frown on that then let the issue fall on their shoulders.
I’ve see these ignorant people. I’ve seen the men that shout “show us your tits,” I’ve seen the women that laugh, encourage, and comply, and I’ve known these people as well, but I’m never concerned as to whether I’m doing things that are good or right or respectful, because I am and that is how I raise my son. We teach him to do things out of general respect and if people deny that then it’s sad, but he’ll know he’s doing things right.
It’s civility. And it’s simple.
“in a way that it is no longer acceptable to do in respect of women.”
Where, exactly, is it “no longer acceptable”? Surely not THE INTERNET.
Women should be treated as humans and vice versa. If I get to the door first, I’ll open it. Common courtesy dictates that I hold it open for the person behind me. If I look into his or her eyes and say, “Good morning,” bonus. If a man gets there first, it’s just rude to shut the door in the face of the person behind him, regardless of gender. The “thank you” completes the social contract. Easy peasy.
Manners are always appropriate. Women make things more difficult than they need to be. And men, if women gets her shorts in a twist because she’s offended that you “treated her like a lady,” the insecurity lies within her, not your actions.
Tom is purposely misinterpreting “mangina” as “pussification”. “mangina” refers to a man’s inability to be an honest individual without the undue influence of women affecting their opinions. I’ve encountered plenty of mangina’s who are far more manly than I.
“He’s fighting the douchification of the American man. “
-That’s a noble fight, but Tom ignores many societal factors that have led to this, as well as the participation of women. When men and women are devalued by society, how is this any surprise?
“Pop culture (“the media”) manages to portray men as rods, doofuses, and jags.”
-Why don’t you just come out and say the word “misandry”.? Not femi-PC?
It’s not just douchebags that are portray as rods, doofuses, and jags. What about Bill Cosby, Tim the Fool Man and King of Queens, to name a few? What about the portrayal of men as chivalrous self-sacrificing white knights?
Spreading Misandry: The Teaching of Contempt for Men in Popular Culture
http://www.librarything.com/work/782133
Denis actually I am just interested in having a *conversation* about what it means to be a good man. You and every other human being capable of reading our magazine or book, watching our film, or attending one of our events is invited to share their story and have an opinion in their own lives what it means to be a good father, son, husband, worker and man. That is why I started our book tour inside Sing Sing prison with lifers. Because I wanted to make the point very clearly that *no one* is excluded from this table. We are attempting to get the discussion going but don’t have all the answers. We aren’t attempting to play God by telling others what goodness means. You are welcome to your POV. I just don’t agree that women are at fault to the extent you do. I also don’t appreciate being threatened and called names. But then I just figured I would take my clothes off and come right out and admit that I am a Mangina in hopes we could all laugh about it and move onto the meatier topics without the name calling.
@Tom,
I never called you a mangina, I’m just keeping the record straight on what it actually means when others refer to you as such. Such word play is very disingenuous on your part.
As far as blaming women, IMO, women share blame for where we are as a society.
In your opinion, women can never be blamed.
Why don’t you write an HONEST article about the king of douches Tucker Max.
Are those women just innocent victims or are they feeding the beast?
How about Tucker’s hypothesis that Aholes finish first?
There are a lot of “nice guys” out there that realize they just get ignored and finish last.
Tucker Max is an asshat. No one disputes this.
The douchification taking place applies to all people, regardless of gender, race, religion or nationality. It’s so much more convenient to pigeonhole people by segregating them into groups that can be stereotyped, labeled and turned into buffoons and media chimps. And because we’re so overexposed to it, we all tend to buy in to some extent.
This is the nature of mass media as it exists today—feeding off our fear. Kudos to anyone attempting to reveal our truer selves and our better natures. In the end, when the mission of Good Men is complete, then it will become obsolete. Though I doubt that will be anytime soon.
“…a bunch of walking hard-ons who spend more time chanting “show us your tits” than thinking “how can I leave this shithole a better place?”
Unfortunately in my experience I’ve seen few men who try to do this.
Let me clarify, I’ve seen few men who work at posterity.
Hey Tom, how does one get to become a contributor to The Good Man Project?
I am Derek Dujardin, creator of The MENding Monologues.
I am looking to create connections to groups and individuals interested in raising awareness on issues of gender violence and sexism, through benefit productions of the The MENding Monologues. I was recently honored by The Feminist Press NYC.
Inspired by The Vagina Monologues, we work with colleges to do a complementary male-version of the show, where men write and perform their own stories of about masculinity and violence and how has impacted them and the women the know.
Many women and gender advocates who see the show, say it: “Restores my faith in men.”
As well as the show is received, I need help getting it out to the right people. We’d love to link up with men like you and organizations interested in hosting theatrical productions to raise support, awareness and funds.
Also, please feel free to check out our web site: http://www.TheMENding.org. or do search for The MENding Monologues on YouTube to see recent uploads for men doing personal monologues, slam poetry and sketch comedy.
Thank you!
Derek Dujardin
Creator of The MENding Monologues
602-481-6188
How horrifying…The MENding Monologues,
The Vagina monologues empowered women, gave them pride in being female and gave them a voice.
The MENding monologues is a self deprecating admonishment of manhood. A shaming of men through humor and stereotype.
If you were truly inspired to make a male counterpart to the Vagina Monologues, it would be a celebration of all that is good about masculinity, it would show men that they should be proud of who they are and revel in the wonderful accomplishments of men.
p.s. I would hardly call being honored by The Feminist press an endorsement. See if you get the same accolades from groups like fathers&Families. I doubt even the most moderate of MRAs would find your play as “honor” worthy as the feminist press.