How are dads portrayed in the media? Jim Higley looks at the trailer for “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and doesn’t know quite what to expect.
As a bald guy, I learned – a long time ago – the importance of being able to laugh at myself. It’s always better to beat people to the punch. So when it’s a chilly, windy Chicago day, I’m always prepared for someone volleying me a joke about how cold my dome must be. “Mr. Clean” look-a-like jokes? Sure, toss them my way. Smooth-as-a-baby’s butt? Got it. Folks, I’ll not only smile at your “you-think-you’re-funny-jokes”, I’ll outdo you with mine.
I may be bald. But I still have a slick sense of humor.
Which leads me to pause at the recent rise of a lot of dad voices over how their parenting role has been portrayed in the media. I was one of the first to toss out one of the challenging cries to Huggies over their recent “Dad Test” campaign where they portrayed fathers – at least in one of their commercials – as stereotypical doofuses. You know, Homer Simpson clueless morons whose fathering skills are about as developed as those of cavemen. (And a side note: I don’t consider my initial comments about the Huggies ad as the voice of a whiney dad who couldn’t take a joke. I just felt they missed the mark in their attempt to feature dads. And guess what? Huggies did a lot of listening and responding to plenty of dads who had thoughts on the matter. As far as I’m concerned, the Huggies dirty diaper debacle is now in the proverbial diaper genie.)
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There’s something different to talk about, however.
During the last couple of weeks, I’ve noticed a huge range of comments on the subject of how dads are portrayed in media. I’ve heard plenty of guys speak up about their frustration and concern. And they don’t seem like cry-babies to me. They’re not organizing sit-ins or burning jock straps. They’re saying, “Please, just show us for who we are!”
That seems reasonable to me.
On the other hand, I’ve heard plenty of guys (and women) speak up and say, “Quit being a baby! It’s a joke! Grow up!” And to some extent (probably thanks to my follicly challenged head experiences), I understand that, too. Laughing’s great.
So what’s going on?
Why has this touched off such a storm of emotions?
Is part of it that there are few examples of positive fathering in media? Is that the problem?
If there were more positive “dad” images out there – would we be more able to either laugh (or just ignore) what many feel is stupid stereotypes?
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I’m not seeing the conversation stopping anytime in the near future. Last night at the movies, I saw a trailer for a soon-to-be released movie, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” It’s certainly loaded with a ton of A-List actors who saw something in the script. I mean – come on – Jennifer Lopez, Dennis Quaid, Cameron Diaz, Chris Rock, Chace Crawford and Elizabeth Banks aren’t a bunch of rookies. Actually, the IMBd site for this makes the movie look downright dandy:
A look at love through the eyes of five interconnected couples experiencing the thrills and surprises of having a baby, and ultimately coming to understand the universal truth that no matter what you plan for, life doesn’t always deliver what’s expected.
Unfortunately, for me, the trailer didn’t deliver what I expected, either.
Looks like a lot of good old-fashioned slaps at dads. But it looks like they also take their shots at moms, as well.
Which brings me to my question:
Why is it so hard – for some of us (myself included) – to see the humor in these slapstick dad portrayals?
I recently heard Shawn Bean, editor of Parenting Magazine, speak at the Dad 2.0 Summit. Sean’s a pretty smart guy. And he mentioned that (and I paraphrase) “…something changes for a lot of guys when they become a dad. It changes how they see things. They become very passionate.”
I tend to agree with Shawn. You can make fun of my baldness, my lack of athletic skills or how I tend to burn burgers on a grill. You can tell me my driving sucks, that I have bad breath or take on any number of my easy-target traits. I can deal with losing a job, having my retirement savings dwindle down to nothing and feel scorned by a loved one. Put me face-to-face with any of those things and you’ll see that I have extremely thick skin. And a fine sense of humor.
But when you even remotely suggest that my fathering and parenting skills are limited, I take offense. Great offense. I’m not going to cry about it. But it bugs me. My kids are a central theme of who I am as a man and I’m quite proud of the fathering and parenting I give them. And sure, as a dad, there are plenty of funny experiences. They’re around us 24/7. I laugh and write about it daily.
But it seems there’s some fine line – at least for many of us – that make the humor fail.
What are your thoughts?
When is it funny? And when is it not?
Hey Jim, we talked about your article at 41:45 http://www.8bitdad.com/2012/04/03/episode-024-balls-to-the-face-13504/
I see absolutely nothing wrong with that trailer. It showed a bunch of dads involved with their kids. To the point they have a “Dude’s Group.” Is it a bit douchey? Sure. But they’re a bunch of guys getting together with their kids. And that’s not a bad thing. Also, I liked that the mom in the clip told Jennifer Lopez to get her husband involved early. I think that’s great. So they take a few swipes at dads? Big deal. I’ve said all those things to my buddies about parenting at some point. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows,… Read more »
I’ve always seen comedy as a form that takes current traits, trends, ideas, types of people, and expands them to the point of lunacy. It also can cleverly point out how the stereotype is actually wrong. Most comedies require a “platform/tilt” mechanism that first shows the stereotypes (the men as buffoons) but then tilts the script/characters so that the ending is opposite the beginning. I’ve not seen the film, but I’d assume he and his wife end up happy and he’s a good dad. Comedy is not designed to show human beings at their best. It never has been. It’s… Read more »
The movie trailer irks me for many of the same reasons that both female and male posters have already mentioned in the comments. Someone brought up the “Homer Simpson” dad model and I was wondering if anyone had caught another newer animated sitcom, “Bob’s Burgers” which – for the most part – features the father figure as the straight-guy (which is unique compared to all the other animated sitcoms on Fox – Homer, Peter, Stan and Cleveland are all the “hilarious” idiots of their families.) Bob’s wife is not at all incompetent, but she’s definitely quirky, and the kids are… Read more »
For some reason the trailer doesn’t bother me in the same way the Huggies ad did. I think it’s because this movie looks like a wacky romp where all the characters, male and female, are clueless caricatures; whereas the Huggies thing was showing “real dads” presumably doing their best, and the voice-over was mocking them. The movie doesn’t look very funny to me, not because it’s offensive, but just because the humor seems pretty tired and predictable.
Andy – I think you’ve hit on something really important. I’m much like you….when characters (male or female) are so far over the top acting stupid, I don’t like it but I can ignore it. I think you’re point about when they show something more “real life” and seemingly mock it, that’s where the offense is. Great point.
I have often wondered how much of this is true , btw, just substitute Canada, UK for America for those living in those countries. This is from a dialog from Bill Maher feminine values are now america’s values sensitivity is more important than truth feelings are more important than facts commitment is more important than individuality children are more important than people safety is more important than fun its sort of politically incorrect just to be male & you have to pretend to concur with the womens point of view. Women are protrayed on TV as smart, intelligent and all… Read more »
There are a couple of problems with what you’re saying. Firstly, there is nothing inherently feminine about any of the traits/value you mentioned. Though, yes those things are culturally associated with women. Secondly, I’ve actually had the exact opposite experience with regards to whether traditionally masculine or feminine traits are desired. Perhaps it is more accurate to say that traditionally masculine men and traditionally feminine women are both undervalued in our society.
Good points all around, Jim. Not to turn this into a Modern Family debate, but I’ve heard others find the character of Phil to be a negative one as well, and I’m with you, I don’t. The character is goofy and many of the things that we get angry about in other media, but he’s not stupid and he’s not a bad father. If anything, he tries too hard at being a good father (is that possible?) and is a victim of his own shortcomings and insecurities. You know what, forget this. I’m going to go write a post called… Read more »
Whit – Yeah Phil! But in all seriousness, I agree. Sure, he’s got faults. But he always seems to be coming from the right place. Send the link when you have it!
I don’t understand why only dads being portrayed as morons is a problem? Why is is acceptable for men to have been portrayed as morons on TV and in the movies for the last 30 years in virtually every area of life? Why not complain about how men are portrayed in general? That would cover this and all the other situations as well.
Eric, that is a great observation. I definitely talk more about “Dads” versus “men”…..your point is well taken. So why are all men, in general, portrayed like dopes? Are we really that bad?
All men aren’t portrayed as morons in movies. Dads are, yes, and that is extremely problematic. One of the reasons I won’t watch Modern Family is because the character of Phil pisses me off. Also, men in comedies are often portrayed as bumbling fools, because for some reason people think it’s funny.
However, that’s a specific genre and a specific character type, not virtually all tv shows and movies.
You are the first one to use the word “all.” However, it is a fact that in comedies, men not women, and not just fathers, have commonly/usually featured featured/starred dumb, idiotic, and/or bumbling male characters for the last 2-3 decades, not just Modern Family.
Correction: Jim used the word “all” first, which isn’t correct. Just the majority in comedies.
Jim, no we’re not that bad but we are different, and I think that’s the thing. The differences get exaggerated and caricatured.
“Why is is acceptable for men to have been portrayed as morons on TV and in the movies for the last 30 years in virtually every area of life?”
That’s what I was responding to. You said ‘virtually every’ I said ‘virtually all.’ I was just pointing out that, really, what you’re talking about is specifically to do with comedies. And, I would argue, non-Dad’s aren’t as likely to be depicted as morons…or at least aren’t depicted as quite as big of morons.
Do you truly not see the difference in meaning between “virtually every area of life” (the expression I used) and “all men” (the expression you used in response)? “I was just pointing out that, really, what you’re talking about is specifically to do with comedies. And, I would argue, non-Dad’s aren’t as likely to be depicted as morons…or at least aren’t depicted as quite as big of morons.” Of course they have to do with comedies. That’s the whole point: being the butt of jokes, which, if either a male or a female are chosen to be the butt of… Read more »
So what bothers you about Phil in Modern Family. For some reason he doesn’t get on my nerves. I wouldn’t want him as a neighbor….but he doesn’t bother me in the show. That’s one of the things that I can’t wrap my arms around. When does something become offensive and when is it not?
Heather, I agree with you so often, but…Phil from Modern Family is one of my favorite characters on TV right now. 🙂 Like you, Jim, I like all the dads on that show. They definitely have their flaws (which good characters must), but all four leading men are dads, and I don’t think any of them are portrayed as moronic, incompetent fathers. I’m also a fan of the dad portrayed by Will Arnett in the sitcom, “Up All Night”. For a show about a couple with an infant, it’s not the most realistic depiction of what that’s like (but that… Read more »
I’m so with you, Marcus, about them being “characters” … I still think they need to be up for examination, because they do represent something happening within our society’s psyche. I like Phil a lot, and he’s certainly no less of a failure as a parent than his wife, but they fail in different ways. She is clueless about her kids’ emotional states, for instance.
My favorite man on TV is Brad Williams from Happy Endings, played by Damon Wayans Jr. Talk about redefining masculinity.
Joanna – interesting you mention “Happy Endings”…..my 22-year-old son LOVES that show. As do all of his friends. They clearly relate to the characters in one way or another. I have to admit that I didn’t like it at all at first….but now actually like it. Sure – most of the characters are super-charged versions of reality at times. But there’s also some level of relatable truth to the characters they are portraying. Interesting…
I really like Happy Endings, actually. Mostly though it’s becaus the slightly feminine guy is actually straight and the frumpy, slobbiest, laziest guy is the gay one.
Eh I do like the fact that he is challenging the norms of masculinity however I wonder how much of a challenge is it when nearly all of those challenges are played up at jokes. But I do agree that the show is simply A-mah-zing.
Yeah and yet, the crazy comedic bits of his character aren’t just that he’s not traditionally masculine. Like…most of the comedy stems from his relationship with his perfectionist wife…not from the fact that he’s into spa treatments and such.
Hmm…maybe I should give Phil another chance then. I only ever saw the first couple episodes and it turned me right off. I also agree that Ray’s stupidity didn’t bug me and also for the reasons you mentioned, Marcus. Plus, Everybody Loves Raymond was all about using stereotypes for humor…I didn’t find it that funny, but I also didn’t find it offensive.
Heather – You’ve got a lot of good comments on here. Thanks. And yes, go back and check out “Phil” again!
“I didn’t find it that funny, but I also didn’t find it offensive.” <——– that's a really great comments and perspective. And to me, the root of so much of this. I agree so much with your comment. So many times, I may not find something funny….but it isn't offensive to me either. It's that fine line it crosses where it becomes offensive/ stupid/ frustrating / ….. to me that's what this conversations all about. Thanks!
@Jim: Phil struck me as the stereotypical man-child who was always just trying to be his kid’s best friend. Like I said, I only watched the first couple of episodes…maybe I should give him another chance. When it comes to thinking about when something is offensive or not, I think it’s important to remember the entire context of the character. (Which, I guess, is something I haven’t done with Phil. lol). So like, for me, some of the most offensive characters I can think of are gay characters who are villains and/or get killed. And yet, that being said, one… Read more »
“What I really think needs to happen is that people who write this kind of film think about what intelligent humor is and write that film. We can handle it. We’ll come see those movies. I won’t, however, go see this one.” – Buffy, I couldn’t agree more! So well said! “Finally, please, don’t blame this all on what women want to see. A good portion of us–at least the ones that I know–are much, much deeper than that, and we don’t see men as a group of idiots who can’t be left outside for more than 10 minutes by… Read more »
She will. I guarantee it! You have more influence than you can ever possibly imagine. 🙂
Actually, speaking as a woman, I don’t see how this movie will even be funny. Mostly, it just looks dumb, and the women that I know aren’t likely to see it. What I really think this is is Hollywood telling us what we are based on its assumptions rather than real life observations, because films like that actually encourage the development of true characters and not stereotypes. This is NOT how I see men nor is it something I want to try and laugh at. It’s insulting to both men and women in my opinion. I personally had a GREAT… Read more »
Finally, please, don’t blame this all on what women want to see. A good portion of us–at least the ones that I know–are much, much deeper than that, and we don’t see men as a group of idiots who can’t be left outside for more than 10 minutes by themselves. The few that do are no different than men who see women as less than competent–a vocal few who don’t represent the rest. An important distinction to be noted. This “men are terrible parents” thing cannot 100% be laid at the feet of one gender or the other. And its… Read more »
Thank you! Me, too! He was a great person and helped me to become a great person. And I do think it’s important to point out that I don’t feel that my dad–or any dad for that matter–can be a great one without being a great person first. It is the person that creates the value and makes the decisions about what it means to be a dad. I’m not sure you can separate the person from the role. Not really in a genuine person anyway. I think that films like these are equally damaging for women as well. They… Read more »
Just to take this further – I find it interesting that often a lot of the gender issues are laid completely at the feet of the ‘opposite’ gender. Like – women are less likely to go into politics and it’s the fault of men. Or dads are often depicted as morons in comedies and it’s the fault of women.
I think it’s easier to find someone to blame rather than look at the real societal issues that create these problems.
You know, if you are concerned about the way men are portrayed (by other men, as usual), maybe you can also boycott the rapist vodka ad, or report rape pages and jokes. Those make men look worse than just being a dork. This stuff has been around since dagwood at least. Maybe tell other men to stop acting incompetent just to get out of cleaning and childcare as well as objecting to the shows. My dad acted/acts a fool to ‘trick’ women into doing his work in the home. Or maybe stop buying porn that portrays men as rapists (most… Read more »
Or maybe you shouldn’t be hijacking this conversation and trying to make it about rape.
ah, nope…if you believe women have agency, then you believe they also have responsibility for the world around them. Bottom line, women bear equal responsibility for maintaining a gender construct, that in the this context, denies the assertion that fathers can be active and competent care-givers to their children.
And by the way, the book and movie screenplay in question were written 100% by women.
And by the way, the book and movie screenplay in question were written 100% by women.
Really? I wonder how well known this is in comparison to the fact that something was by 100% men (or mostly men) is usually one of the first things to come up when something is called on about being anit-woman. I guess they’ll go to the usual fall back of how women have no power or something.
“…usual fall back of how women have no power or something.”
…and that’s what really irks me. Feminists try to have it both ways. On the one hand, they’ll state that women are independent thinkers, actors and agents in society. But on the other hand, they’ll argue that women bear no responsibility for society’s gender construct. Its like they have power until its inconvenient, and then they’re all of sudden helpless victims.
BS, if you have power, you have responsibility. Period.
Oi oi oi, now…let’s not pretend that’s a uniquely feminist trait. It’s always easier to blame someone than actually try to fix things…which is why every group ends up doing it at some point.
Great thoughts Danny. I’m in your camp about just telling someone – on almost any subject -just to “grow up and deal with it.” Even if I disagree, I have a hard time just dismissing someone’s perspective. So I agree – it’s a bigger societal issue.
I’m curious what you think about the dads portrayed on “Modern Family.” I actually like everyone of them – faults, warts and all. I find them real, a little goofy (like all of us!) and – yes, even humorous. What do you think?
I haven’t seen Suburgatory – I’ll check it out.
Ah yeah forgot about Modern Family as I’ve only seen like 1 episode of it. I’ll have to check it out. I’m curious what you think about the dads portrayed on “Modern Family.” I actually like everyone of them – faults, warts and all. I find them real, a little goofy (like all of us!) and – yes, even humorous. I do think that they have to be real. I’m not asking that fathers become paragons of perfection or anything. Its just that being incompetent has become a defining feature of dads on tv, like on the list of traits… Read more »
Loved Huxtable! I think he was pretty cool, believable dad!
He is my dad…down to the love of jazz and the crazy sweaters. lol.
There is something to be said about laughing at yourself. Taking care of the kids the other day I got distracted and forgot to feed my 2.5 year old supper. She never asked, just went bed fine, woke up fine and ate breakfast fine. But that was one eff up compared to the 999 things I did right that weekend. Warts are good for characters, comedic characters need lots of warts. Huxtable was the perfect example Danny, I agree. I hope I can find that balance of being real, but a good dad. Not a raging moron like Homer. I… Read more »
Joel – I couldn’t agree more. I think you’re point of “scale” is important. On any day – you could certainly find me doing 1 (or more) really stupid parenting things. But they don’t capture the totality of who I am. At least I hope not!
I think the issue is scale. On TV, they’re (nearly) all morons, don’t care, incompetent, selfish and clueless. One example you may have to conced there are dads like that and that cemedy requires exagerration, but on a whole I think media has overwhelmed us with an avalanche of inferior fathers.
Oh yeah there are certainly moronic dads out there. But as you say at the end the problem is that the vast majority of dads are portrayed as idiots.
This is exactly the issue I have with a lot of the tv and movie tropes used when depicting gay and lesbian characters. Like, for example, I couldn’t enjoy The Kids Are All Right because I knew that Julianne Moore’s character was going to sleep with Ruffalo’s. It’s not that it doesn’t happen, and it’s not that it’s that offensive in of itself. The problem is that it’s such a tired cliche…the lesbian who has sex with a man. Ugh. To me this (and the problem of dads in comedies) speaks to a lack of creativity and originality in a… Read more »
On the other hand, I’ve heard plenty of guys (and women) speak up and say, “Quit being a baby! It’s a joke! Grow up!” And to some extent (probably thanks to my follicly challenged head experiences), I understand that, too. Laughing’s great. I have a bit of a problem with this because it can quickly leave the person being told to “grow up” feeling that their grievances are not as valid as some else’s. It comes off sounding like, “Yeah I know you feel offended by it but would you just get over it and yourself already? Its not that… Read more »
Its hard to find the humour because the same joke over and over on every channel ceases to be joke.
They are selling products to women by appealing to their misandry and making them feel superiour.
Women are 80% of consumption.
I totally agree with you that the repetitiveness of the “joke” just makes it fall flat. I’ve never thought about it (the way they portray men) as being meant to appeal to women – – – – kind of a sad commentary on our society if that’s true, isn’t it! What’s everyone else think? Thanks for your thoughts. Interesting stuff!
One of the first large scale consumer propaganda operations directed at women was the one to encourage them to break the smoking taboo. Smoking was marketed to women as a suffragette thing to go and a challenge to male power.
Fueuds uncle was the owner of the PR company that ran the marketing campaign, he theorized that cigs. symbolize a penis and that’s why men created a taboo around women smoking and why smoking should be marketed as female empowerment – women were getting penises of their own!
That’s incredible! I feel like I’m reading a script from Mad Men!
Oh Freud…never ceasing to inject ridiculousness into any discourse he entered.
…sometimes a cigar, is just a cigar
I think some of it has to do with the underlying belief of a lot of people out there that men actually deserve to be portrayed this way based on the idea that only a tiny minority of dads are actually not horribly incompetent or outright deadbeats. And yes I do agree that a lot of it to appeal to women.
This has bugged me for years. With rare exceptions (Full House, The Cosby Show?), parents (particularly Homer Simpson-type fathers) are depicted as clueless morons who are constantly being outwitted by their clever offspring. What’s the point of this? And where is the “comedy,” such as it is, to be found in something like “What to Expect When You’re Expecting?” As you note, it appears to consist of a bunch of rather clichéd slaps at fathers and mothers. If this were a different movie–a bunch of conscientious men who aren’t in a state of arrested bro-hood prepare for life with children–would… Read more »
Oliver – you raise some good question. I’m not sure who would watch if it was a bunch of conscientious men just being dads. Clearly, it probably wouldn’t be a comedy anymore. That said, there’s plenty (at least to me) of funny things about dad-hood that don’t require stupid-ignorant portrayals of men. Raising kids is downright funny sometimes…I’m good laughing at that. But, personally, I don’t think it needs to be any the expense of putting anyone in an old, dated, stereotype. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hey Oliver, we mentioned you and your comment on this article at 45:20 http://www.8bitdad.com/2012/04/03/episode-024-balls-to-the-face-13504/