Writing in today’s Guardian, Ally Fogg appeals for fair play for male sexual desire:
Male sexuality is no less diverse, complex and wonderful than women’s or, for that matter, no more base, coarse and animalistic…
If we can begin to openly and joyously celebrate the positives to male sexuality, it might become easier for men to be happy and confident sexual partners, and in turn become better lovers, and sometimes better people.
He’s right, of course. But the pathologizing of male desire isn’t the fault of feminism, or of the media. It’s the fault of the dishearteningly high number of men who abuse, harass, and cheat. This bad male behavior is excused by a culture that teaches us that most men (if not all) lack the capacity to control their libidos. Shame is an understandable (if costly) strategy for keeping male sexuality in check.
So let’s openly and joyously celebrate the positives of male sexuality. But we first need to liberate all of us from the “myth of male weakness,” a myth which insists that the average man has little or no self-control over his sexual desires.
Fogg thinks we need to celebrate positive male sexuality in order to make men into better people. Great idea, but it’s a bit back to front. First we need to show a rightly suspicious world that men are capable of being safe. Once men stop blaming women for enticing or inviting infidelity and rape—once we stop believing the myth of uncontrollable male desire—then and only then can we ask to have our sexuality celebrated in all its hot and powerful wonder.
—photo by Newtown Grafitti on Flickr
About Hugo Schwyzer
Vocalyze
“… we first need to liberate all of us from the “myth of male weakness,” a myth which insists that the average man has little or no self-control over his sexual desires…. once we stop believing the myth of uncontrollable male desire—then and only then can we ask to have our sexuality celebrated in all its hot and powerful wonder….”
The Christian church has got you beat by a couple of millenia. Christianity LONG AGO — and Judaism, even longer — condemned the myth that men “can’t control” themselves. Christianity has ALWAYS required it of men, preached it to men, and believed that it was possible for men — in defiance of the old pagan double standard, which restricted women only. (Recent clerical scandals do not represent a “failure” of self control, but rather an infiltration of the clergy by men who never had any intention of controlling themselves — quite another thing.)
Rape has never been tolerated, adultery has never been tolerated, fornication has never been tolerated, since the dawn of the church. Indeed, the only reference in the entire scripture to a man’s alleged “uncontrollable” sex drive, is where the Apostle Paul alludes to people (of both sexes) who struggle to resist the temptation of fornication, and admonishes them to marry as a remedy.
Oh, and yes, in Christian marriage, male sexuality is indeed celebrated in all its “hot and powerful wonder”. Just ask my wife…
Pasadena City College is a third-tier school. Anything Hugo says should be read with this in mind.
that’s right, attack the man, not the argument.
Retarded as always. I’m sure you think it is wonderful to celebrate gay men’s sexual desire. You’re probably at the front of the gay pride parade. It is just straight men who should be ashamed of their sexuality. Perfect.
Well, Mr Schwyzer is, to the best of my knowledge, a heterosexual man, so one would wonder why he wouldn’t celebrate his own sexuality.
But the pathologizing of male desire isn’t the fault of feminism, or of the media. It’s the fault of the dishearteningly high number of men who abuse, harass, and cheat. This bad male behavior is excused by a culture that teaches us that most men (if not all) lack the capacity to control their libidos.(Hugo)
Taken from a Heterosexual perspective, wouldnt this be mathematically impossible, being that there is one women usually involved in cheating. Or do women’s libidos not count?
Every week, Hugo Schwyzer becomes more demented in his misandry. What the hell is he doing on a blog about “good men”?
How is affirming that men are mentally strong, ‘misandry’? The misandry is in the idea that men cannot control ourselves.
“But the pathologizing of male desire isn’t the fault of feminism, or of the media. It’s the fault of the dishearteningly high number of men who abuse, harass, and cheat.”
I honestly cannot believe that you put “cheating” on the same level as abuse and harrassment… Please, get your priorities straight!
Why is Hugo still allowed to post articles here? He doesn’t know the first thing about being a “good man” unless one considers “good” to be synonymous with “self-flagellating.”
Praytell Hugo, how do you plan to bring about this glorious rebuilding of trust? Certainly not by oh I dunno, showing men that their sexuality might actually be good, that there’s another way to go about it besides “creepy asshole” method. No, no. That wouldn’t blame men enough for you.
Your proposal would instead become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you bombard boys with RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! all the time, they will never realize that there is, in fact, another way.
Also, just because YOU were a pretnetious entitled asshole (heh. were. my bad) doesn’t mean that the rest of us are. Stop projecting your flaws onto the rest of us, I know it makes you feel better, but stop. it’s sick.
GMP, please stop printing articles from this clown. He has no authority to be telling ANYBODY what a “good man” should be.
There is a myth of male weakness. From cheating all the way to rape. Cheating is not as bad as rape, but it is bad, and some men, not all, use their biology as an excuse. It’s my libido. It’s my sex drive. Men want sex more than women…etc. I see this article as a call to stop using these excusee and for men to use their brains and will power instead. Why all the defensive positions?
Also in these comments I see a lot of attacks on the writer. Less attacks on the argument. Come on!
Is cheating a weakness? Does it make you a strong individual to hold your urine indefinitely? At some level affirming men’s sexuality is accepting and recognizing that there is a biological imperative for their sex drive. Had men’s sexuality been recognized and accounted for, I wager there would be less “cheating” throughout history. Perhaps less monogamy too, but certainly less deceit or emotional trauma. Our need for sex is as strong as a woman’s need to bear offspring. The difference is our biological imperative is much less likely to vanish once the expression of our sexuality is fully realized. The solution has always been to keep it in your pants. Ergo, cheating. Hungry people eat. Why is that so hard to understand?