She’s the One

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About Tom Matlack

Tom Matlack is the co-founder of The Good Men Project. He has a 18-year-old daughter and 16- and 7-year-old sons. His wife, Elena, is the love of his life. Follow him on Twitter @TMatlack.


  1. One day while we were going out, she asked me “what’s going on here.” Time stood still for me. I thought if I responded with, “we’re just dating,” that I’d probably never go out with her again. If I responded with, “I think you’re the one,” then I would not be with another woman for the rest of my life. I realized that I couldn’t be without her and no other woman mattered.

  2. Chris Mooney says:

    I met my wife in Nürnberg, Germany and at that time I loved to travel. I asked her if she would like to go to Austria and Italy for the weekend leaving that evening. She said of course and was ready at the train that evening, lightly packed. Then I knew she was the one and have never once doubted it in 32 wonderful years.

  3. I think many would also be interested in knowing when one realizes – oops, she wasn’t the One…, but is it too late to do anything about it?

    • My thoughts exactly. I would love to read a similar article on the equivally frequent – oopsies… nope, wrong call, she wasn’t the one; I knew she wasn’t the one, but married her because it seemed to be the right thing to do at the time….
      When does that thought occur and how long before you stop denying you had it?

  4. For the last time:

    There is no ONE. The soulmate is a myth. There are good ONES and there are bad ONES and amazing ONES and abusive ONES, but there is no ONE.

    Rollo Tomassi nails it here:

    Oneitis is a virulent, poisonous disease.

    • Floppy Puppy says:

      Oh ye, rejector of faith.

      If it works for you, that’s ok too. The fact that you don’t have faith doesn’t mean that the faith of others isn’t going to be realized.

      Faith is not something to be cured.

  5. Floppy Puppy says:

    Wow, reading this set of thoughts made me realize something that I never did before. I never knew when I knew.

    But now I do. Thank you.

  6. I met my wife in culinary school. Each of us thought the other was pretty odd at first, and she had to hit me over the head with a hammer to get my attention at first, as I was completely oblivious. I never had a moment when I just knew she was the one, we just came to it gradually. Looking back I think it was our third date. We went on a ferry ride, (I later proposed on that same ferry route) locked the keys in her car, got pulled over, and still had a great time. Symbolizes all the struggles we’ve had, and the fact that we still hold hands, still steal kisses at stoplights, still feel the thrill of romance ten years later.

  7. Disgruntled says:

    So… your liberal website about men does a Special Marriage Edition exclusively about opposite-gender marriages? Is there a reason this article had to be so heterosexist? Are there no gay men on this website?

    Not to mention that Queer men in most states are still fighting for the right to marry their same-gender partners, making this exclusion from a discussion about what marriage means to men even more hurtful.

  8. My wife just wrote a blog post called “How to Know You’re found the Right Person to Marry”. I thought some of you would appreciate reading it:

  9. Hah! I’ve always eaten tuna out of a can. Love it! Does it mean I was his The One, too?? :P

  10. She was my manager at a video store, I asked her out a couple times and she was too busy, but I was persistent. Then a movie that everyone had wanted to see was finally coming to video and everyone was coming to my house to watch. Everyone else bailed on showing up, I think because they knew how big my crush was.

    Fast forward six months. I had to move to another state and she followed a month later, then I screwed up and lost my job and she was very upset, but we had an apartment together and she let me stay and eventually forgave me for losing my job. I then got a better job than the one I’d had and we’ve been together 15 year, married thirteen with two awesome kids!

  11. Tom, thanks a lot for working this out and posting it.
    It is helping me redefine what I want with my lovelife!

  12. Michael Rowe says:

    I miss Tom’s writing.

  13. Jack Crevalle says:

    Day #1: She made lasagna for friends and I was invited along. That night, we stayed up all night talking and eventually covered ourselves with a blanket on the couch. Her cats came over and lay down on top of us.
    Day #2: No one could reach either of us on the phone and got worried. We were talking to each other all day, so the lines were busy.
    Day #3: “Well, that’s it” “What?” “You’re the one, I love you.” “You’re crazy and infatuated.” By that evening, as we just lay there talking and talking, she agreed that I was right. We bought (cheap!) rings the next day. That was 32 years ago tomorrow. Here’s to our next 32 years together!

  14. Some beautiful tales here, heart-warming. But there’s a danger too. There isn’t The One. We may like to think so, and may do for many years, but many men have found total happiness with The Second or The Third or The Other One. There is one person who can make you complete, as many philosophies agree, and that person is you. Only you can make you truly happy, and to give that to someone else is actually a bit crazy. But not as crazy as those who put their happiness in the maw of material goods.
    A great marriage is a marvellous mystical thing, just don’t believe there’s only The One. One day you may find the one has become none – gone for whatever reason – and then what do you do with the rest of your life?


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