Sh*t Guys Do

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About Tom Matlack

Tom Matlack is the co-founder of The Good Men Project. He has a 18-year-old daughter and 16- and 7-year-old sons. His wife, Elena, is the love of his life. Follow him on Twitter @TMatlack.


  1. Konstantin Selivanov, Russian KickBoxer says:

    I like work counters, especially if someone throws jab. I block it turning the opponent and counter with a low kick (roundhouse) to the front leg. Also I like to fake to make my opponent get a little off balance and then explode with a combination breaking his defense and overpowering him.

  2. Andrew Sugg
Executive Producer
FOX 25 Morning News says:

    Playing soccer with my buddies every spring and fall weekend in the over-40 league.

  3. Victoria Medgyesi, Author of “The Bad-Man Hype” says:

    I love it when a guy playfully tosses a little kid up in the air (Wheeeeee,”
    the guy almost always says) and then the kid squeals and laughs and says
    “more, daddy, more!” or “more, uncle john, more!”

    Usually the man/teenager calls it quits before the kid, and–almost
    always–the kid wraps his arms tight around the guy’s neck and snuggles in.

  4. David Atchison, writer, producer, and journalist says:

    Manual labor stuff: yard work and home repair.

  5. Marie Tillman, widow of Pat Tillman says:

    I would say for me, a sort of a guy ritual is college football.

  6. DWayne M. Levine, M.A., founder and director of in Agoura Hills, California says:

    Scratching my balls at will.

  7. i have a lot of rituals – pulling the al bundy as Dwayne mentions, farting whenever i want in the house (women are just jealous that they “can’t”), and going to the man cave in the basement to watch tv or play guitar

  8. Rob Villegas says:

    Many years ago, the early morning crew at my YMCA was a regular group of guys. After working out we would sit in the steam room and shoot the shit while shaving. It was a great way to start the day.

  9. Watching sports with a few cold beers. It could be either Cardinals baseball or Razorback football.

  10. masturbate, trim my beard and read the Times on the tiolet on Sunday mornings. And for some reason, I like smelling my balls.

  11. David Josiah Harris says:

    figuring out ways to climb up to the roofs of buildings and peeing off the top. with my buds…

  12. Picking my nose, farting, traveling to ghost towns, and arguing with the Ohio state fans who I casually meet on my cross country travels. The manly man IMO is dying in this country. More men are acting “limp writsted” because of shitty music trends, skilled trades dying and what media projects men as being nowdays. Don’t believe the hype. You’re a man. You need to know how to change a tire if the problem arises, or your wife or girl will think you’re a bitch. Your farts will always be louder and stinkier, your pits will always reek and your balls will always hang low. Embrace it.

  13. Shalom Y’all,

    Fixing anything.

    My grandfather could fix anything he could touch, even though his formal education stopped around the 8th grade.

    He and my father are amazing men.



  14. As a female to male transsexual, I think about stuff like this all the time: I’m literally going through my teenage years as an adult (acne and squeaky voice at the age of 25!), and I have to figure out things more on my own than a biological male. I have two favorite rituals that come to mind.

    1. I love practicing my Maury-style ‘You’re Not the Father’ victory dance.
    2. Using the excuse ‘I’m gay’ to my female friends’ significant others to prevent them from getting jealous when my friends hang out with me. Though I’m not technically what they think of when they hear this, it’s not a lie, either. (I’m primarily attracted to men, with some exceptions, but I’m still not after my friends.)

  15. James Franco goes to the bathroom?

  16. Mowing the lawn.
    And when it’s done, take a deep breath of air that smells of grass clippings, survey the results, mop my brow and enjoy a large glass of iced tea.

    Shaving, too. Hate beards.

  17. During the Jewish high holidays, before the person playing the Shofar blows each note, the congregation calls out the name of the sound (it’s not a jazzy call-and-response; the requested sounds are in a specific sequence). Throughout the year, when I’m alone and let out a truly excellent burp, I honor it by calling out the name of a nearly corresponding Shofar sound.

  18. You should check out Excellent reading material for trips to the can.

  19. I really enjoy the visceral , the sensual and the cerebral in equal measure. Riding my bike hard enough to crash but not hard enought to keep me off it. Fixing or building something with tools powerful enought to maim you. Spending a few sweaty naked hours with an enthusiastic and beloved woman. The smell of my children and the strength of their hugs. A David Lynch or Christopher Nolan film or a Neil Stephenson book. I also really love being doted on by women in very small ways by women who are not my wife making me a plate of dinner or making me a drink. Crying because I don’t have a father. It’s all part of being a man.

  20. I’d have to say that my fav. guy ritual is definately masturbation. No matter if you’re gay, str8, bi or anything in between, we all know that every dude does it and only dudes do it the way dudes do, so I feel a connection and bong with all other guys, knowing its what we all do, even if some of us don’t talk about it or want to admit it. And, what the hell, it’s a pretty fun thing to do…so go rub one out and enjoy yourself! Peace out, bros…

  21. Mowing the grass and then drinking a beer when its done.

  22. I guess a guy thing I do and it bothers my wife is that I still tuck a paper napkin in my shirt collar during most meals. I am a good looking, athletic 32 year old guy and I am not a nerd. I grew up in a household where our strict military dad required us kids (4 boys) to protect our clothing during meal times by tucking a paper napkin around our necks. This was not optional and I guess I don’t trust myself eating spaghetti or other messy stuff without wearing a napkin bib. I don’t see what the big deal is. I would rather have any sauce or stains landing on the paper and not my shirt or my tie as I tend to buy expensive clothing.

  23. the top first image is very funny i think that should be winner.

  24. I must be a terrible person. I read on the toilet too. I don’t understand the big deal, I don’t use the paper/book “for anything else” and I wash my hands.

    These girls sound like they never got over kooties.

  25. Funny. I was just thinking of writing an article about my “dude moment” every Sunday.

    It involves ripping down the hill from Santa Teresa on my bike and barreling out to Ipanema and back, as fast as I can go, listening to ’70s crap pop and ’80s punk rock on my MP3. No helmet.

    This really scares all the women in my life to no end, but it makes me feel terribly free.

  26. I really enjoyed reading this.

    I come from a family that has more males then females in it. And whenever we get together, I love how my male cousins, brother, dad and uncles all razz each other on any number of subjects. From things that happened as we were kids (or when my uncles where kids) to just being the poor guy that was the last one to arrive late with his family. It’s an awesome thing to see. The heartfelt male bonding, the hearty laughs that inevitably follow and the playfull comebacks that get batted around throughout the day. My one Uncle use always go tell all the boys in the family to “go take a nap” in a kidding way. Even today as adults, the guys will banter with each other to “go take a nap”. Among some other fun catch phrases that stuck with our family.

  27. The wet shave, with a single-bladed safety razor and proper shaving soap, before work in the morning, immediately after the morning shower and before getting dressed.

    “Talking shop” with my old man, it drives the female members of the household around the bend.

    But the absolute favourite is putting “Gumtree Canoe” on the stereo when going off on a fishing trip with the old man, the pair of us singing along.


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