Our biggest mistake is the way we view solitude.
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Solitude. Many of us are familiar with it. I think many people understand the meaning, but they do not go far enough.
Solitude for one person may mean meditating in the early AM hours to be alone in a quiet environment. Solitude for another person may mean staying out of town in a cabin for the weekend.
I will not argue that there are levels of solitude. Typically, people dedicate an hour up to a weekend. Although, some people will go farther by dedicating a week or even longer.
Is that enough solitude for a person? How much is enough?
It is a difficult question indeed. However, it may be better to first observe the effects that solitude has on people of different ages.
If you are a senior citizen, too much solitude could be fatal. Researchers at the National Academy of Sciences discovered that older people with fewer contacts are 26% more likely to die, even if they are happy in their solitude.
If you are a millennial, a lack of solitude can be extremely stressful. In a recent Harvard Business Review article, many of the millennial interviewees expressed that having a 24/7 connection to mobile devices is not only psychologically exhausting, but interrupts their time for solitude.
A 2003 University of Massachusetts survey also found that people felt good about being alone more often than feeling bad about it.
So, there is no doubt that solitude has a place in life.
“There is so much cultural anxiety about isolation in our country that we often fail to appreciate the benefits of solitude.”
-Eric Klinenberg, a sociologist at New York University and author of Going Solo
So, to revisit that difficult question: How much is enough solitude?
I think it would be best to take a practical approach. If you have never been in solitude before, perhaps an hour in the early AM may be a good start for you. However, if you have been solitude before, then a weekend out of town in a cabin may be satisfying for you.
Although, if you have done several weekends already, perhaps a week or even 10 days may be a good goal for you.
If you are introvert, it may be easier to dedicate yourself to solitude. You may be more in tune with your feelings. As an introvert, I care a lot about my emotional wellbeing. So, I am willing to invest the needed time to find and cultivate inner peace.
So, in 3 weeks, I will be attending an 10 day Vipassana meditation retreat in Monterrey, Mexico. Vipassana offers their meditation retreats worldwide and free of charge. There is probably a retreat center near you.
I have spoken with many of the participants and noticed several common benefits shared from their experience.
Patience
Several participants have told me that the retreat experience has humbled them. They are less prone to anger now. They view anger differently. It is their view of anger that enables them to be more patient with people.
Letting Go
I discovered that many participants learned that they should not try to control everything. Their time is better served by focusing on things within their control. This is why the power of “letting go” can greatly improve one’s life.
There are times when our ego can get in the way. It is at those times that it is important to remember to let go. Instead, we should focus our attention elsewhere. Focus on things that bring peace, happiness, and fulfillment.
Self-Awareness
Being in silence for 10 days will not only quiet the mind, but increase your level of self-awareness. Almost all of the participants have stated that they are more self-conscious than ever before.
I believe that being fully present is important for anyone who seeks personal development. It helps us break through the busy routine that we allow to run our lives.
The Final Word on Solitude
Our biggest mistake is the way we view solitude. It is required for the unconscious to process and unravel problems. We need quiet time to figure things out, emerge with new discoveries, and unearth original answers. It is through profound self-awareness that our lives will flower.
-Dr. Ester Buchholz, Author of The Call of Solitude
The benefits of solitude are not just limited to the ones mentioned above. People can benefit from it in other ways too.
Monks can live years in solitude. Some people can do it for months. Others can do it for weeks. The reality is that the majority of us will probably only do it for a few hours or a few days.
There is no right or wrong way. You will decide what is appropriate for you.
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