Could we make a serious relationship work after all this time?
This week TresSugar brings us a woman who terminated her friends with benefits relationship and now, months later, is wondering if it could become something more.
So almost a year ago, the friends with benefits relationship I had for 9 months came to an end. We decided to end our arrangement on the basis that he may still have had feels for his ex and that I wanted to be in a relationship, but didn’t feel that I was ready to be in one at that time so there was nowhere for us to go forward.
Fast forward 6 months and we ran into each other at a concert after not having seen or spoken to each other the whole time. We merged our groups together for the event and spent practically the whole time together. I never inquired, but I had the impression that he was still single as he would take any chance he had to hold my waist or grab my hand. I decided to let things be and I didn’t contact him afterward.
Then about 3 months later, I had this urge to contact him and we met up for dinner. We never really dated when we were FWB a year ago, and this felt like an incredible first date with someone that I got along with and knew quite well. The whole time he was being flirty, and still not knowing what I wanted, I didn’t make any moves, despite the fact that he embraced me as we waited in front of the bar. The next morning I felt horrible for not being more forward, realizing that I did in fact want something with him. I texted him saying that we should do something again soon as I had a great time, and we should not take 6 months to see each other again in an effort to show him that I’m interested. He replied instantly saying that he’ll give me a shout soon.
That was a month ago. I haven’t said a word to him, being preoccupied with my studies, work, friends, etc. But he’s recently, in the last 2 or 3 days, been “liking” all my Facebook statuses and pictures even though he has never, ever done that before. Is that a sign that he wants me to contact him? I’m sure I’m over-analyzing this situation, but I don’t want to get my hopes up for nothing since I already had to get over him once before, even though it wasn’t even serious the first time. This time, I’m in for all or nothing, and I don’t know if I currently have a chance, or if he’s just being an overly friendly friend.
So, should I just be forward and make the move to see him again, even though it’s technically his turn to contact me? Will I not seem too forward if I do that? Any advice would be much appreciated!
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Photo credit: Flickr / Incase.
Hard truth, if he wanted you he’d be chasing you. Move on, and dont waste your time.
“Will I not seem too forward if I do that?”
Could someone explain to me how an individual can set up a let’s-get-together-to-have-sex situation, yet be afraid of being considered “forward” to set up a date?
if its a flower we are talkn about..u better nevertouch her
I know it’s difficult not to, but try not to over-think it too much. While yes, he is checking you out from afar (by clearly stalking your page, all of a sudden, and liking your photos / posts), he does have the capability to call you or text you to ask you out, or even to say ‘hey’, but you havent mentioned that he has done so. Go with your gut on this one. If you feel like he might jut be interested in a fling, then he probably is. Remember, if a guy likes you, he’ll tell you. He… Read more »
Be careful. He may just be interested in the idea of starting up a casual relationship again. I had a FWB relationship that last off and on for 7 years, and there were times I hoped/tried to mske something more out if it, but in the end, I realized that it was 80% about the sex for him and 20% the friendship, whereas for me, it was the opposite. We still get together for lunch once in a blue moon, and he talks about having sex again someday. He does care about me but our relationship was all about sexual… Read more »
You might not want to seem too forward but if you wait around you’ll just be wasting your time wondering. Best to have an honest discussion about what you both want. Then at least you’ll know. You can either move forward together or get on with it apart.
He sounds ambivalent.
Sometimes interested, sometimes lets you wait …for …months.
At the least I’d have a “what’s going on here” conversation.
I agree with Mike, I would go for it. I think there are definitely cases where a person (man or woman) can be too forward, but you guys are beyond that point now. Who knows the reason why he hasn’t given a shout out again like he said he would, he might be unsure what you want and is sort of waiting on you. If he’s into you, you’re not going to ruin anything or scare him away about being the one to contact him again to hangout, let alone have an actual conversation about how you each feel about… Read more »
Men are like women, we all appreciate people who know what they want and go for it. If he wants you, don’t be silly and text him. Call his ass. Go to him. Go for what you want, at all times. Seriously, you had him plugging away at you for 9 months, and your worried he’s not interested in you? Just do it. Or don’t, and wonder what would have happened for the rest of your life. Up to you.