On a beach vacation, Jay Palter learns to accept his body by finding himself comfortably in the middle of average.
Originally appeared at Homemade Dad
It always takes me the first few days of a beach vacation just to get comfortable in the attire, or lack thereof.
The wardrobe of the cold wintry north is much more forgiving when it comes to those of us with body image issues. Bulky layers make everyone look a bit bigger and rounder. But around the pool during vacation, it all comes down to the trunks.
When I first arrive at the pool for my winter vacation, I am very self-conscious of my body, all soft and pasty from too much time sitting in front of computers indoors. But body consciousness is not limited to mine only – I’m checking out everyone else’s too, as we all get comfortable without most of our clothes.
Now, I’m a bit heavier these days than I’ve ever been, so I’m not feeling all that buff. On top of that, I have this little bump on my tummy, just above my belly button – some kind of hernia that just won’t go away. So not only do I have to suck it in, but I have to push it in too. I know, too much information.
Then, of course, there’s the question of body hair and what to do with it? It seems that hair is out these days, certainly in the metrosexual circles. I guess it’s ultimately a matter of opinion and taste, but to the person who matters most in my life (certainly when it comes to matters of body hair), there is a strong preference is for the groomed look. The less hair the better. I can’t quite get comfortable with the completely hairless me, but I’m getting close. Truth is, I kinda like it. But, that’s quite a different article.
Back to body image and pool attire. What I’ve found sitting around the pool and walking on the beach for a few days is that people come in all shapes and sizes. (No shit, Sherlock.) Yet this comes as quite a revelation. Any self-consciousness I experience standing in front of the mirror is always in relation to a body image ideal that, relatively speaking, just isn’t that common. I mean, there are guys out there with sculpted hard bodies and nice tans, but they are the minority. The majority of guys are overweight, the worst with bellies that look like they are carrying their offspring and large man boobs to go with it. And then there’s the pasty white skin and the guys with hair everywhere. And I mean e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e. As far as I can tell, when it comes to the average body, I land somewhere in the middle, decidedly 50th percentile. Maybe even slightly better than average if I suck it (and push it) in.
This revelation is rather freeing. I don’t feel quite as self-conscious walking around with my shirt off and my extra 25 pounds hanging over my bathing suit waistline and my hernia poking through my abdominal wall. And as the tan starts to set in, I feel almost confident in my 50th percentile-ness. Fat, I observe, in people and in food, is much more appealing when it’s rendered to golden brown.
So, I’m settling into the vacation very well, thank you very much. Just in time to head back to the frozen arctic in a few more days.
Photo courtesy of AN HONORABLE GERMAN
About Jay Palter
Jay, your observation is spot on: most of us really are in the average (or majority).
After all, “normal” means something that’s in the “norm”, i.e. the average.
I obsessed over my body image for a long time, until I realized what you said: it felt bad because I was comparing it to an idealized, perfect, “the-way-it-should-be” body.
In that moment, I realized I wasn’t ugly: I was just “normal”, average. Like most people.
Wow. What a relief.
). When I notice my imperfections, I remind myself I’m like most people.
Since then, I’m much less critic when I look at myself (ok, sometimes I’m less critic
And, in my best days, I think I could even be slightly better than average.
That’s not to say that we shouldn’t strive to buff up our middling mid-sections — just that we shouldn’t beat up ourselves over it. Thanks for the feedback, VV.
I loved this! Men admitting that they have body image issues. Your honesty is refreshing Jay, thanks. I’ve felt self-conscious about my body as well and still work on it. Society has created a standard for what a man’s body should look like just as much as they have for a woman’s. I’ve learned that the media should never be your guide for what is acceptable. They always have an agenda. Next time I take off my shirt in public I will think about this article and feel a little better. Thanks!
Media gets old, telling us what to think accept, act. Plus I dont like the message its send my children. The more people realize that the world isnt as perfect as it is on TV, maybe the more TV will try or attempt to mirror real life? Better to enjoy life and have fun, then to worry during the little bit of time you can have fun. Because then what is the point of evening trying to have fun to begin with? The other thing people need to think, who do I know or who knows me. I think kids have it worse with their simple minds developing and the ones who get sucked into media and constantly want to judge their peers, this needs to be dealt with, no reason kids should have to worry, especially when they have their whole lives in front of them to change and become who they want to become. Today, my wife was telling me about a grown women picking on a pregnant mother for being overweight, a mom blogger for Procter & Gamble, seriously, what did she gain from it. It happens all to often, and online is not good becusae when no one is willing to counter it, it in some sick way becomes alomost legitimized to some. Honestly with weight issues, being insecure adds to it weight problems, and weight is something you shouldn’t worry about due to self image, but to health. If adults have problems accepting themselves and being burdened with their consciousness, imagine what children go through these days. Great site!