Enough is enough, writes Ken Solin.
When I was ten years old, I got my first job. On Saturdays, I made deliveries for a jeweler in Boston. I was a tough, street-smart kid, and I didn’t frighten easily. My father was violent and unpredictable, and I had learned to protect myself. My personal radar was already well developed.
An elevator operator in the building where I worked tried to sexually assault me one day. He stopped the elevator between floors and tried to kiss me. He showed me some porno playing cards and put his arm around my shoulder. My heart nearly exploded through my t-shirt. The bile that rose in my throat burned. I felt a kind of primordial fear.
But I was a tough kid who was accustomed to taking care of himself, and I stood toe to toe with that fucking monster. I warned him in my loudest, toughest voice that I would tell the police and my boss if he didn’t start the elevator immediately. I can still picture that scrawny, little, tough kid standing up to this predator in the confines of an elevator. I was lucky. He backed off, but the terror I felt that day is forever etched in my memory.
When I was raising my sons I was vigilant about any contact they had with adult men, especially men I didn’t know personally. While I had escaped being sexually assaulted, I feared for my boys. I vowed to myself that I would take a baseball bat to any son of a bitch who even tried to touch my sons inappropriately.
To read that men in positions of authority knew about the sexual abuse that was occurring at Penn State, and that none came to the rescue of the young boys whose souls were being destroyed isn’t just shocking, it’s criminal. Anyone who knew about this and said nothing deserves to be put on trial for aiding and abetting a sexual predator. They absolutely share his guilt.
The notion that this was ignored for a long period of time just to preserve a football program is beyond contemptible. Is raping young boys a perk for being involved in college sports at Penn State? It must have been because it went on without interruption or interference. No one who even suspected what was transpiring gets a pass.
How could a college put its sports program above the moral imperative that exists to protect our children? It’s simple; they just did. It’s no wonder that nationally, one in four children is sexually abused, and that few abusers are prosecuted.
Not only should we prosecute every single man who knew about this and allowed it to continue unchallenged, we should do so publicly, on television, and with a lot of noise. And, once these men who helped this sexual predator are convicted, they will never, ever forget that terror as long as they live. They have earned that horror.
I don’t feel there’s any punishment too severe for men who turned their backs on someone else’s raped son for the sake of a fucking football program. They don’t deserve compassion since they showed none. Turn the other cheek? Absolutely not.
I doubt there is a father in America who feels differently. It’s time we put every sexual predator on notice. If you’re caught sexually abusing a young boy, your life as you knew it is over, and if you knew about someone who was perpetrating this most heinous crime and said nothing, your life should be over, too.
Enough is enough.
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The GMP on Penn State:
We Are?
Paterno and Pedestals, Julie Gillis
When the Game Becomes Religion, Gary Percesepe
Male Lust Arrives in Happy Valley, Tom Matlack
Power Is at the Core of Sexual Harassment, Mervyn Kaufman
The Tragic Lionization of Joe Paterno, Tom Ley
Men, Monsters, and the Media, Nicole Johnson
Loyalty and Responsibility at Penn State, Andrew Smiler
Jerry Sandusky and Penn State: A Familiar Story, Sophia Sadinsky
Beware the Legacy You Are Protecting: Winning Isn’t Everything, Eli Kaplan
Institutional Injustice: Why Rooting For Universities Breeds Immorality, Aaron Gordon
I Failed, Rick Morris
Sandusky-ed, Tim Green
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—Photo shidairyproduct/Flickr
About Ken Solin
I’ve heard allegations that some of the boys were offered out to donors. I don’t want to believe that’s true, but at this point nothing would surprise me. The entire system is toxic top to bottom.
Males beware – your anger and righteous indignation can be placing children at risk.
It’s worth considering that children who are abused just want it to stop and as far as possible get back to a normal life. Righteous indignation by adults, particularly males, can be one hell of a disincentive for abuse victims to speak up and get help.
Actually – the sexual abuse involved disregarding the emotions of the child. Angry male parents and males in the child’s life who react with anger just make that disregard worse.
I wish I could say I was shocked by the Penn State Revelations. I am not.
I am very happy that they are coming out, because for far too long such events HAVE been hidden by organizations – and this time “One” has been caught red handed.
That is ONE! There are many more. It raises the age old question of who watches those who are supposed to watch and protect.
I am aware that many men feel strongly about these revelations because they are linked to sports. Well not all men are sports fans – I’m not – and not all Child Victims of Abuse are abused by a coach. It is more likely that the abuser is a Family Member – which makes it even harder for the child to speak out and deal with supposed Righteous Indignation.
Written by a man – abuse survivor – 30 years of experience supporting others. One lesson I learned is that the child is often angry at what has happened to them – an it’s their anger first, with supposed adult males anger taking a very clear second place.
Beautifully said, MediaHound…
I “get” the anger and even wanting blood… but if the victim/child (even if they’re an adult at the time of disclosure) isn’t FIRST listened to (REALLY listened to… what do THEY need in order to heal??)… then the same victimization dynamic (starting with disempowerment) may well reinforce the trauma and avoidance of the healing process. Anger… fine. But go out to the woods and scream, go to a therapist, break shit if you have to… but not AT the perpetrator and/or in front of the survivor…. co-opting his/her experience, and making it about you (the bystander).
Nice piece.
I was so appalled when I heard about the student protests on NPR this morning! They were protesting in favor of the people who let these horrible crimes continue. The first thing that I read about this story that made any sense was from the Onion. They are not poking fun at the crime or victims, but at the public and media responses. Although, it may still be offensive to some (Trigger Warning-discusses child sexual abuse).
http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/sports-media-asks-molestation-victims-what-this-me,26609/
that is BRILLIANT. Another example in which we look to humorous sites to get the most accurate coverage.
I think the Onion puts it very clearly:
“At press time, the victims of years and years of psyche-destroying sexual abuse released a joint statement saying they were not concerned about Joe Paterno’s legacy.”
http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/sports-media-asks-molestation-victims-what-this-me,26609/
Bingo! This isn’t about how angry you feel. Through all of this Penn State coverage, the problem is what people AREN’T talking about. Just like Paterno. He avoided the needs of those boys.
It’s on display everywhere. What about the boys??????????????? We’re just throwing them away like damaged goods.
It’s about damned time that boys get the same protection from sexual assault as girls. The women’s movement broke the secret society of those who sexually abuse young girls. The 1970′s and 80′s saw scads of books and TV movies on the subject, bringing it to light, promoting campaigns in favor of rescuing girls from predators.
It took a couple more decades for boys to get this same treatment. I am glad that it’s in the news, I’m glad that this sick agreement of silence is revealed. I know that men who are rape victims have yet to break society’s twisted view of their pain, but maybe this will help us get there too.
“Anyone who knew about this and said nothing deserves to be put on trial for aiding and abetting a sexual predator…. Not only should we prosecute every single man who knew about this and allowed it to continue unchallenged, we should do so publicly, on television, and with a lot of noise.”
Unfortunately, in most instances, it’s neither aiding or abetting, nor a crime of any sort, to know about an ongoing crime and not report it, IF one is not actually doing something affirmative to aid, abet, or cover it up. There’s a problem of the absence of “actus reus,” the necessity in criminal law that there be some affirmative “guilty act” committed in order for a crime to occur. There can be some sort of mandatory duty imposed by law on certain parties to report such offenses, such as on therapists or medical professionals to report suspected child- or elder-abuse, but such duties have to be imposed specifically and before the fact. The US Department of Education is investigating Penn State for Clery Act violations arising out of this case. The Clery Act imposes such a duty on federally-funded colleges and universities to publicly report crimes of which its administration is aware of occurring on campus, but its enforcement mechanisms are limited to civil penalties against the school or suspension from federal student aid programs, not actual criminal sanctions.
Unfortunately, criminal law is rarely ever a panacea or provides full satisfaction to either victims or an outraged public. We’ll have to look elsewhere for satisfaction.