Does everybody stay pretty much the same as we age? Or does it just seem this way to those closest to us?
I’ve hung out with the same core group of guys since grade school, a few of them for over 35 years now—which absolutely blows my mind.
Also makes me feel old as hell.
I know how rare it is to have any friendship this long, not to mention more than 10 of them. My buddy Frenchie (we all have nicknames, some shouldn’t be shared) joked that he dates women much younger than our friendship. Puts it into perspective.
We know insanely embarrassing things about each other, where the “bodies are buried,” and hold each other’s secrets—well, the ones we haven’t told. We’ve been through graduations, marriages, divorces, births, deaths, job losses, health issues, insane girlfriends, bad haircuts, terrible clothes, crazy wives, funny glasses, and everything else you could imagine … and we still plug along (although a little slower now).
You’d think when you’ve known someone forever, you’d be able to give this long, drawn out story about how everyone has changed and evolved. But the opposite is true. Or at least it seems that way. Everybody is pretty much the same—the good and the bad.
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Most of the stuff that irritated us about each other in ninth grade still irritates us now. The ones that bitched, still bitch. The ones that were flaky are still flaky, the ones who can’t commit to plans, still can’t commit, and the ones that hurt everyone’s feelings … still do it.
We’re now into our 40s and have planned our 16th annual Guys’ Weekend. It’s great because we just hang and get away from the responsibilities of life that can burn you out.
You’d think everyone would be bending over backward to make it happen and excited … well, you’d be wrong.
We go through the same arguments as we did when we were in high school and college. It blows my mind. I wonder if we act this way just toward each other, or are we pretty much the same in other circles?
As you read this we’re probably in a heated argument over who was the hottest chick in high school or what singer is the greatest heavy metal voice of our time. I wonder though, do any of us ever really grow up? Or does it just seem that we don’t to the people closest to us? Maybe it’s neither; maybe we just morph into whatever personality those closest to us expect.
Or maybe we’re exactly same as we have always been, with less hair, more responsibilities, and nicer cars.
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—Photo CarbonNYC/Flickr
The reason you’re all still hanging out together is precisely because you haven’t fundamentally changed in a way that would alter your group dynamics. That doesn’t mean no one ever fundamentally changes, but when people do, they often grow apart from former friendships as a result.
Craig, I’ve got a group of guys I’ve known for a long time too, and like your group, we all seem to have remained pretty much the same at the core. The peripherals have changed, but we’re the same guys we were years ago. I don’t know about you, but I find some comfort in that. Thanks for your article.