Uzi Peretz shares another experience of fighting with his ego, and doing his best not to let it win.
The ego tricks us into believing we are right; although technically we are just doing what we think is right. The ego always tries to assert, judge and feel superior to other people. This puts us out of balance and creates unnecessary conflict in our lives; often with the people we love the most.
Have you ever noticed someone doing something you would never do? For example: texting during a movie. The bright screen is distracting and you think to yourself, “I never text during movies”. You may even mutter something to the person next to you, “Some people are just so inconsiderate”. Maybe you’ve seen someone let their ego forcefully assert itself; “Hey! Turn off your f-ing cell phone – asshole!” And perhaps you might even be that person. If you are one of the many people who are not aware of the ego and how it operates in your life, it is because your ego is huge. When this concept was first presented to me, I was just happy to have something huge.
The ego is like a needy child; it always wants more. It wants more alcohol, more ice cream, more sex and more judgement of others. However, if we can become aware of it and how it leads us to judge everything around us, we can work on consciously changing our behaviors. If you’ve ever seen Pink Floyd’s The Wall you may remember the scene where actor Bob Geldof (Pink) arrives at the theatre to the cheers of a roaring crowd. When he’s finally done kissing babies and shaking hands he takes his place at the podium where he immediately starts judging everyone.“There’s one in the spotlight, he don’t look right to me – get’em up against the wall!”
The ego is like a needy child; it always wants more. It wants more alcohol, more ice cream, more sex and more judgement of others. However, if we can become aware of it and how it leads us to judge everything around us, we can work on consciously changing our behaviors.
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If we allow the ego to operate, it will make constantly make judgments about others. “You shouldn’t do that, say that or act like that” are common thought patterns. When I first started noticing how the ego was operating, I assumed I could fight it. I figured eventually, with enough effort, I could win the battle against it (note: the ego loves winning too). What I found was a lot of disappointment and anger. I’d try to change, fail, get mad and try again. I wasn’t making much progress. While sharing this experience with my brother, he showed me a video on ego by Eckhart Tolle. Tolle suggests we don’t try to battle the ego but simply recognize how it operates in our lives. When I put my energy into becoming aware of my “egoic patterns” instead of fighting them, I was able to see the behaviors more clearly and begin to accept them as part of me.
I’m driving to work. It’s early and still dark outside. I set the cruise to 65 (give or take a few mph). I’m not in a rush these days but it still feels strange. I scan the open freeway lanes ahead. I’m completely alone when a random thought pops in my head; “This is like the goldilocks lane because it feels just right”. I chuckle at the possibility of writing a short film starring Goldilocks as a soccer mom. She’s yelling at three little piglets arguing over a toy in the backseat of a minivan. She adopted them after The Wolf ate their parents. She wishes they’d been killed too – the needy little bastards. She hates kids. The ego interrupts; “Well that’s stupid. No one would read it anyway and you should probably stop writing because you suck. And why are you driving so slow?”
People tend to drive together in two groups; faster groups and slower groups. As I approach a slower group, I move left to go around them. I click the cruise up a few notches until I’m going about 7 mph over the limit. I plan to move back over and slow down when I pass the slower group. The ego slips in another gem; “You’re such a considerate driver”. It loves to use bullshit flattery like this to sneak its way in and control behavior. I ignore it and turn the radio louder. I focus my attention to the events that led me away from being a road-raging maniac. Several key moments flash by in my mind. I recall the math that led me here too. I was saving only 3 minutes by being in a rush and trying to drive everywhere at 80 mph so I decided to make up the difference with the alarm clock instead.
Several cars begin stacking up behind me. The ego takes another pot shot; “Look at them all in such a hurry. If only there was some way you could explain it to them. You’re such a good member of society for driving so “safe”. I laugh out loud at its futile attempts to derail me. The car tailgating me is swerving and flashing its lights. The ego wants me to brakecheck it. There are still slower cars to my right so I don’t move over. I am now fully aware of the ego trying to intervene and I feel like anything I do is going to be “wrong”. I take a deep breath and decide to turn the music off. The car behind me is still swerving in the lane. I wonder why they don’t go around since the fast lane is wide open. The ego sneaks in again and I blurt out, “Just go around already”. I chuckle at the outburst. They finally do.
I feel good, but I am mindful not to feel too good as the ego will always try to slip in another way. And right on cue; it does. I start to feel superior for recognizing the process, for not reacting and for not being in a hurry. I remind myself that I am the same as the speeding sports car driver, the crazy soccer mom and the old man driving unbearably slow.
—Photo Brandy Jordan/Flickr
Ego Part 1: How the Ego Tricks Us Into Feeling Superior Part 1 – I Bag My Own Groceries