As parents our ultimate goal should be to produce self-sufficient humans who will make good choices in life.
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Close your eyes and imagine this scenario: A man meets a woman and falls in love. With stars in his eyes, he decides to take her to meet his family.
As he gleefully introduces her to everyone, her mood shifts because there’s a vibe in the air. Since she can’t quite put her fingers on what it is, she smiles, answers all their questions and pretends to not see the furtive eye glances between family members.
Months go by, and she feels like maybe the family is welcoming her. She soon learns her man is the backbone of the family and everyone… EVERYONE calls on him for everything. This causes her to raise an eyebrow, because it seems all it takes for her man to drop everything, including her, is a phone call from the family.
As time goes on, he becomes more involved with his girlfriend. And while he’s still available for his family, he’s no longer just a phone call away, as he is trying to build a life and a family of his own. Things are going great… and then it happens: His mother begins to make snide comments about him being a stranger.
She goes on to say that every woman he ever had took him away from the family and his girlfriend may be too strong of a personality for him, especially since he’s easily “manipulated “when he’s in love.” The smiles and hugs they had for his lady friend becomes side-mouth hellos, and the once warm embraces are now so cold she needs a blanket to recover.
Try as they might, the family cannot “rid” themselves of this woman, who by all accounts, has made their son very happy. It’s a few years into the relationship and the son decides he wants to marry his girlfriend. This sparks the family to become downright hostile, even spreading accusations and rumors.
The man stands up to his family and let’s them know he sees what they are doing, he’s grown and is capable of making good sound decisions without their input. The family backs off because they don’t want to lose him, but his poor finance was never treated the same … and spends years trying to prove herself.
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Sounds familiar to anyone? That scenario has played out a thousand times in households where mothers feel no one is good enough for their child.
It is a self-destructive habit that must cease if you want to have peace in your families. We all have choices to make and we all make mistakes—and hopefully we all learn from them—but life cannot be handled for us by meddling family members.
To me, it makes no earthly sense that a grown man still has to report to his mother daily or she will be upset. Something is very unhealthy with that and it all begins when our children are small. As parents, we have a tiny window to raise our kids, and our ultimate goal should be to produce self-sufficient humans who will make good choices in life.
Do your job by raising your children and then stand down.
This article appears as part of a series by Techbook Online entitled “Are You Raising Leaders or Losers?”
Thanks for reading the thoughtful musings of a DIVA!™
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Photo: 2ose/Flickr
I could see that as a problem. Sadly, the stage has been set and I don’t see how the young man can easily change things. Mom and son have a mental contract together. I had a similar situation where my MIL lived with my wife and I for 18 years. Early years, the situation evolved to where I felt that I was living with my MIL and her daughter.It took time but things changed. The scenario is something that I would imagine being more common these days where so many moms don’t have husbands where the young men of the… Read more »