Help! My Neighbor Is My Wife’s Ob/Gyn

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About John Simpson,

John is a middle-aged family man from Providence. If you learn from your mistakes, he’s brilliant. His column runs regularly on


  1. I would not buy Girl Scout Cookies to save my own life. The Girl Scouts have become another tentacle arm of the supremacist feminists, teaching our daughters that they are better than men, not equal at all…

    Besides, Keebler seems to put their comparable or better cookies on sale at that same time each year – maybe Keebler doesn’t like femifascism either? And I bake better cookies than both.

    • I was once a girl scout, and I admit to finding the whole experience to be a little over-rated, but I never encountered any of this supremacist feminist business you speak of.

      In my opinion, it was just the opposite. Not only were we never advised that girls were/are better than boys (in fact, we rarely spoke of the other sex), but it seemed like boy scouts had it better off than girls scouts. 1) boy scouts did sell things, but not to the same degree as girls scouts. In fact, in my troop, if you didn’t sell many cookies you would be chastised. It seemed like the whole point of girl scouts was to sell cookies. Like it was our civic duty, as ridiculous as that sounds. 2) boy scouts got to go camping all the time and learn about cool “out-doorsy stuff”. In girl scouts, we sang songs, did arts and crafts, and once in awhile, we went camping (usually in someones backyard, but very rarely we went “real” camping, even then most amenities were brought along with us, the only real “roughing it” factor was sleeping on the ground).

      Unless they really wanted to, I would never put my daughters in girls scouts because I think it’s a waste of their time. Anyway.. Perhaps you had a bad experience with girl scouts? I know I did, but supremacist feminists? No, definitely not.

  2. wellokaythen says:

    To the neighbor of the doctor:

    If you decide to go with a referral instead of the neighbor, I’m sure the doctor will completely understand, if he is at all professional and has appropriate boundaries. I doubt he would even ask why. If the next-door doc does act offended, he was definitely NOT the right one to go to. You are not required to explain any reason why you would rather go with someone else. I hope you are not making a decision out of fear of what the neighbor might think.

    You have every right to choose the doctor that’s right for you, and your husband has the right to express some concerns about your choice. I don’t know the details of the argument, but it may be that your husband just finds the situation a little awkward, not that he’s afraid you’re going to have an affair with the neighbor. It could make running into your neighbor kind of awkward, just in one of those unclear boundaries kind of way. If you are hanging out with your neighbors all the time, then I can see it being especially weird. Maybe we should be able to treat all body parts the same, but it’s not like he’ll be your podiatrist or your optometrist. He won’t be setting a broken finger.

    Fair is fair, though. If hubby ever finds a strange bump on his scrotum, he should be able to ask the doctor’s wife to take a look.

  3. mythago says:

    Husband might be uncomfortable because one of the things women discuss with their OB/gyn (I prefer the term “groino”) is their sex lives. So it may be less a territorial husband than a husband who doesn’t want his neighbor knowing their intimate business.

  4. Henry Vandenburgh says:

    1. Small town. We frequently see our FP at social events. He does my wife’s pelvics. I was an LPN once and could care less about this.

    2. I love Girl Scout cookies, and buy them. The new flavors are great. Don’t buy Boy Scout popcorn. It’s horrible.

  5. I can’t stand the cookie/gift wrap/coupon pushing that goes on in offices. It’s unfair, especially if it’s being peddled by a superior.

  6. I strongly think or feel that no woman should be “electively” trying to seek out and to receive any intimate care and treatment from a male unless it is absolutely life savingly necessary. I believe that is improper and disrespectful toward’s one’s spouse to “electively” expose one’s self in this fashion. Way too many male doctors and caregivers have crossed lines in the past, so why take the chance. It was just this year that a male doctor admitted that he couldn’t “control himself” while performing a pelvic exam on a female and violated that patient. Who cares that a male doctor may have a female nurse of chaperone present, or that he may see 20 women a day, it still doesn’t make it right or proper in my opinion. To me, it just seems unnatural why any woman would feel right doing this. There are just as many competent female doctors in the World that a lady can go to. Women who say that they attend a ‘rotating’ practice can insist to only see the female doctors of that practice if they want to. I also find it interesting that women are generally raised being taught that they shouldn’t let men see them naked (including their father’s), then to think that it is proper to “electively” submit to some strange male. This is not to say for women not to get the proper prenatal care they need, but to seek out the right moral care for both her and her spouse. What good is having good health when your spouse resents you, or starts to lose interests in the process, or wants a divorce because he feels you didn’t do everything on your part to try to protect the intimacy of the marriage. In what better way can a woman show her man compassion then to say “I go to females for all of my intimate care and treatment.”

  7. I agree, I can’t handle the idea of another man doing these kinds of intimate exams to my wife, and I’m as mature as you can get!
    It’s not about maturity, there are many deeper psychological dynamics at play here, and I’d rather not mess with them!!

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