Keith Manning shares the daily struggles facing a man with a drinking problem.
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One drink
I’ll just get one drink
That’s what I always think
It’s been a good day
Or a bad day
Or a rough day or a sad day
or just because
I’ll just have one to relax
But in my head I know that the fact is
I’ll have one more
Maybe meet a stranger and before
I know it ( sound of alarm )
I’ve got three alarms set
15 minutes apart and I bet
I’ll hit my snooze 3 times
Before I wake up to the chimes
( sound of alarm )
I blink a dozen times before the room comes into focus
I sit up in my bed and the room starts to spin and I grab the water bottle that’s the closest
Now I’m late, I’ve got a meeting in an hour
And I’m trying to stave off vomiting from my stomach that’s still sour
From half a dozen double whiskeys that I convinced myself were fine
Because I can always tip toe around at work and not look the boss in the eye
But as I stumble out of the shower and squint from sunshine for the first time
I promise myself last night was the last night but somewhere I know that is a lie
My colleagues tell me I look tired and I wonder if they know
That the glassy eyes and red face only show
The bender I started last night that I’ll finish up tonight
And I wonder if I look productive staring at a screen blurry in my sight
The cigarette I think will help makes me feel even worse than before
And I’m praying that the lunch comes soon as my nausea I try to ignore
The caffeine makes the shaking worse and I’d kill right now for a drink
Really! I ask beginning the inevitable bargaining, are you really not seeing the link
By lunch my vision slowly clears but the headache comes full force
And I stare at my plate of food with my lack of appetite and remorse
I force some down as I know it’s the only way
To try to cure my nights mistake and maybe keep my self loathing at bay
As the afternoon drags on by as if the seconds are afraid to pass
I think about the all the money I didn’t have to spend draining from my glass
I realize or convince myself that the only way this will end
Is to leave early now and go see my barman and maybe my only friend
Security give me a warm handshake and a welcome by name
How do I not see that as a warning that a “regular” I accidentally became
The first glass hurts and I choke it down and for a moment question why
Given the day I just put myself through if it’s worth it for the lie
That I tell myself that it makes me feel better, but by the next drink I forget
And fall into “meaningful” conversation with whomever else is left
Speaking passionately about topics I don’t know
I casually catch a look at the clock, as the lights are no longer low
I’ve got three alarms set
15 minutes apart and I bet
I’ll hit my snooze 3 times
Before I wake up to the chimes
( sound of alarm )
I blink a dozen times before the room comes into focus
I sit up in my bed and the room starts to spin and I grab the water bottle that’s the closest
I slept past the last alarm, and I struggle to think of excuses
Which one will sound real enough that my boss won’t think I’m useless
And if I thought I felt bad yesterday
Nope I beat it with today
Chewing pack after pack of gum and caffeine will hopefully cover
That I’m pretty sure I’m still drunk at work, just try not to knock anything over
And here comes the nausea like a tidal wave and right behind
A hurricane behind my eyes and I wonder what next I will find
Oh yes a list of all the things I didn’t accomplish yesterday
Added to the list of all the things I’m not getting done today
Lunch is a sick joke, no pun intended, i can’t even handle the smell
I just find a nice quiet room to nap and hope this will dispel
Some of the way I feel and I struggle with the fact
That my health and wellness is not the only thing that could be destroyed by the self control I lack
It’s affecting work, I’m broke til I get paid
My friends don’t even ask me out anymore, god knows since when I’ve been laid
I’ve pulled out of the slump before
Made a schedule so tight I could ignore
The anxiety that make me want a drink and another
more more and more and more and more
And I go back and manhandle the rest of the afternoon
I get caught up make the list for tomorrow and soon
Go back home, not even looking at the bar as I pass by
Find something worth reading to distract myself, and fall asleep obviously tired
The next day I’m up before the chimes even ring and I welcome the new day
I’m ready to start my regimented schedule and try hopefully to allay
The whisper in the back of my mind telling me I’ll never get to sleep
Without something to relax a bit, maybe just one drink
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Photo: Flickr/Aurora Tripper
I’m not going to lie , this poem sounds exactly like me