Rodney Lacroix, dad, sucker (ahem!) soccer coach shares the truth in advertising about the games kids play on the field…and it’s not soccer.
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I coach my son’s soccer team.
Primarily because no one else would and also because I enjoy swearing.
More for the latter, actually.
That being said, I have to check in on our town’s soccer website all the time to find out what time my weekends will be ruined with games I have to travel to. Please keep in mind, I barely know how to play the game which is probably where that “If you can’t do, teach” thing comes from. In hindsight. I should probably teach a lot more because I can’t really do much of anything.
Or want to, really.
(takes 4-hour break after typing the above to prove this point)
This morning I was on the website and realized that pretty much every button and category is mislabeled.
This is how it looks:
Since I believe in truth in advertising, I’ve gone ahead and translated each of these for you so—in the event you were considering signing your kid up for soccer you sucker. You should know what you’re in for.
Here’s the first section of how it should look:
See? My updated website is also very informational. You’re welcome.
Okay. Now that you have that under your belt, here is the second grouping, “Team Information.”
In a nutshell, the “U” means “Under” and the number is the age group. So “U6” means “Under 6 years old” or “OMG WHY ARE CHILDREN SO FRIGGING ANNOYING.”
Here you go:
SO. ANNOYING.
I’ve been coaching for, like, four years and I can tell you right now it sucks every bit as much as you think it does. However, in the event we actually win, I get pretty pumped and excited until I realize I have to do it all over again for another six weeks.
Someone recently suggested my son try out for the travel team for our town to which I replied, “No thank you. I don’t even like driving them to GameStop down the street.”
Plus, they’ve started to play in the rain.
IN THE RAIN.
I thought this was soccer and we got to cancel for everything so if you’re in, like, Seattle and you think “I’ll register my kid for soccer because 98 percent of the games will be canceled, THINK AGAIN MOM AND DAD YOU ARE SITTING OUTSIDE IN A CRAPSTORM WATCHING KIDS WHILE SCREAMING “KICK THE BALL JUST KICK IT.””
I hope you enjoyed the tutorial. Please stay tuned for my next informative post on how to mix post-game margaritas.
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Original article appeared at Rodney Lacroix. Reprinted with permission.
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Photo credit: Getty Images