Life Is a Lesson, Not a Test

Here’s to the girl who made me the man I am today.

The first time I saw her, I was 10 years old in the fifth grade. I didn’t know how to talk to her; she was just … just too beautiful to talk to. (Translation: I was too scared to talk to her.)

A year passed without saying a single word, but I glanced her way with every chance. I stared and would catch her staring back.

I was too young and naive to understand love yet I did; I was in love for the first time in my life or at least I was sure I was for the next ten years.

But that winter, after the last paper of our final exams, she left school and never came back.

She got pregnant in the ninth grade, divorced while I was in my fourth year of college studying law.

After almost 12 years, I still can’t help but feel nostalgic about my first love and wonder, “What if?”

What if I carried forth all my practicing in front of the mirror telling you the truth about how I felt, that deep down I feel responsible for you leaving? Would I have affected destiny had I told you I loved you and asked you to stay?

♦◊♦

I remember being depressed and hopeless for the next two years after you had left.

Anticipating you’re imminent return to school, I hoped against hope with every passing year that you would just reappear one day, telling me you had to leave for the silliest reason.

No one knows where you are or how to reach you now but today, as I write this, I hope you’re happy.

I wanted you to know, that you were instrumental in shaping my life when I was a just a boy.

I found joy in going to school because you were present in our classroom. I stopped being an introvert; I found love, but most of all I found hope.

You’ve taught me heartbreak at such a young age, I feel I can handle it better now. You’re leaving me taught me to grow beyond my peers; it’s taught me to pick up the guitar and throw my emotions in music to express every indescribable thing I felt in words; it’s taught me to mature, to be sensible with other hearts.

It’s taught me to love, but most of all, it’s taught me to fight.

Thank you, M.

Life is indeed a lesson, not a test.

 

Image credit:  Big Al/Flickr

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About Boduve Peter Resu

Boduve Peter Resu is a law student, musician and writer for his blog strikingsheep.wordpress.com. He is a self proclaimed late bloomer, believes in the power of positive thinking, grew up with three sisters, fun fact, even if you did not care, because he is not sexist in that way, dreams of living in the Alps and settling down with the most beautiful girl he can afford with his money. But evidently and most importantly, he's got heart.

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