The Self-Affirmation Safety Net

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About Cale Helmer

A devoted yet exhausted father to a beautiful daughter and an amazing boy with Asperger's Syndrome. Married to the most tolerant woman in the world who just so happens to be my best friend and my secret crush. I talk a lot and usually eat even more than I talk. Deep down though, I'm a gentle giant


  1. Making excuses instead of owning your shortcoming is not honorable, nor is it effective; in that we agree. But the psychology and neurology of human risk/failure behavior is very complex. Just for one fundamental example: you seem to be demonizing failure, suggesting it’s something that should trigger shame. However, humans learn by testing, failure, testing again a little differently, maybe another failure followed by another adjustment… we are hard wired to fail. That’s how science progresses, how the arts evolve, how technological innovations advance.

    • Hi Scott and thanks for taking time to read and reply. I appreciate your perspective. To clarify though, my opinion was not to demonize failure, but rather point out the behaviour people engage in to booster their ego after they fail. To fail is fundamentally accepted. We are all inherently flawed in some way and; as you suggest, hardwired to fail.

      Failure should not be considered shameful. Rather it should be looked upon as a teaching tool to push us beyond the status quo. Pre-padding yourself with the notion that it’s ok to fail provided you seek out the reasons as to why the failure occurred is ok in my books. But pre-padding as a measure to not try your hardest; to not learn from your experience and simply shrug and say “Ah well…better luck next time”….to me…’s unforgivable.

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