Is it a way to include a great new person into the picture? Or is it a trap created out of insecurity?
This week, a question comes from the TrèsSugar community. A woman and her husband spend a lot of time with one of his good friends. Her husband broached the topic of opening their marriage to this friend. While her pro list is longer than her con list, she wonders if her husband will get jealous and if there is any way this won’t end in a disaster.
My husband has a friend “John Doe,” who hasn’t had sex in many years. He is handsome—I think he looks kind of like a young Tom Hanks—and super sweet. He likes seeing romantic movies and miniseries and sometimes watches them with me. He is the most intelligent person I know and has an IQ of something like 180. His problem is that he was abused as a child and has depression. He was 9 the first time he attempted suicide and eventually turned to burning—he calls it “branding”—himself as a coping mechanism to avoid suicide. He doesn’t do this stuff anymore, but he still has issues with depression. My husband has asked me if I would be willing to open our marriage to this friend of his. I am so conflicted about this. Here are my pros and cons.
- “John” is the nicest man I know, and I would love to be with him. If my husband ever dies or leaves me, I would marry him.
- I really think that I can help him with his problems with intimacy and women.
- My husband has talked about doing this for a long time and insists he is OK with the idea of me making love to his friend. He even says that if John and I fall in love he will be OK with it as long as I don’t leave him or fall out of love with him—which would never happen.
- The idea of being with two men at the same time who both love me and accept each other is awesome.
- We don’t have children, and even though it would tear me to pieces to lose my marriage if things go terribly wrong, everyone that would be involved is a consenting adult.
- I am really worried that John will be upset with my husband and I if we offer him this—he refuses to even go to strip clubs. I worry about ruining our friendship with him. I know he likes me a lot, but he still might refuse.
- It seems impossible that my husband won’t eventually get jealous even if he promises he won’t.
- Will I be jealous if John eventually gets another girlfriend? I don’t think so, but I might change my mind if I fall in love with him.
I need some advice. What do you think?
More TrèsSugar Links:
You may also enjoy: “Did I Sleep with Him Too Soon?”
Photo credit: Flickr / Mr. Guy F. Wicke