When Men Are Caretakers

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About Tamara Greenberg

Tamara McClintock Greenberg, Psy.D. is a clinical psychologist who specializes in treating individuals with chronic illness and their families. Her new book, When Someone You Love Has A Chronic Illness: Hope and Help For Those Providing Support (Cedar Fort Books) shows readers how to provide the best care and support for their loved ones, without losing themselves.


  1. I took care of my mother when she was recovering and it wasn’t overly hard but the constant need for my attention was extremely draining and stressful, especially as I have been ill for the first decade of my adult life. Call me selfish but I doubt I could ever do that again. It’s not fair on the younger people as they need to find their own life, how are they going to go have their own family n juggle all that stress? Not everyone can handle that care-taker role and I know I can’t as I am too busy trying to care for myself.

    The problem with modern medicine is that we are extending the survival rate of humans well past their ability to be independent, what good is it to have people live for 20+ years if they are invalid past 70? I’ve seen my uncles who are now in wheelchairs because their bodies are so frail they can’t support themselves, they’re suicidal, they’re negative, they were hard working men who can’t handle the life without independence. Hell I had 4 weeks where I was unable to move much with extreme back spasms and that loss of mobility caused me so much pain n stress, if it were permanent I would NOT want to live.

    We face a problem with an aging population and whilst some are happy to live till they are older, others are not. I only hope that medicine can restore strength to those who need it but there are some serious consequences of this issue such as a massively growing pension cost. People in Australia for instance are living well beyond their superannuation can handle so we’re going to run into an issue of who is paying, who will be caring for those who can’t care for themselves. We’re living far beyond the retirement age compared to previous years, but is it really fair to have the parent come to live with the child again in the prime of the childs life where it truly hinders their ability to have their own life? I myself would rather die than subject my kids to dealing with me. It use to be that the parent had kids, those kids left the nest n had their own kids, n so on, but if more n more parents are coming back to their kids life there is gonna be a hell of a lot more stress on those middle age adults, it’s hard enough providing for your wife/husband and kids let alone your parents who may need a fulltime carer.

    Call me a monster for my views if you want but delaying death and reducing people to a shitty quality of life for much longer to me is a bit sickening, I really hope I die before I am stuck in a nursing home shitting myself for 10 years of misery. What kind of life is that? I may be selfish but I’m sorry but I don’t want my life crippled when I want to raise my own family, especially as I’ve already lost 10 years due to my own illness.

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