Natalie Vartanian, on why she decided to let go of online dating.
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How long would you say is a good amount of time to give something a go before you let it go?
1? 5? 10 years?
How about 15?
Well that is how long I have been online dating. 15 years. On and off of course, but it has been almost half of my life.
Picture it … It is the year 1999, the internet is beginning to pick up its pace as a powerhouse in the world. Folks still do not know its full capabilities, but all of a sudden we are chatting with folks (in chat ROOMS even) half way across the world.
Only people fully admitting they are online dating are the gays because that is the easiest way for them to know if others are of their persuasion.
I know this because not only is my brother gay but a number of my good friends.
So me being the early adopter that I am, jumped on the bandwagon to see what all this fuss was about.
Mind you, this was back when folks lied about how they met if it was online. Heaven forbid people find out you met on the internet. They would look at you as if you had something growing out of your forehead …
“Couldn’t you meet someone in person like the rest of the world?”
“What is wrong with you that you have to look for someone on the internet?”
Yup, THAT is when I started online dating.
I like most have had my fair share of interesting stories, horror (ish) stories, funny stories and love stories. It IS dating after all – online or not.
My last relationship started because we met on OKCupid and I am so grateful to have met him as he was definitely one of the deep loves of my life.
But after 15 years of mainly looking to a website as my means of meeting folks in the hopes of a romantic connection, I am done.
You heard me. DONE!
As of October 2013, after 15 years of blood, sweat and tears (blood part totally metaphorical) I have officially retired from Online Dating.
And you know what? It feels fucking good!
Not going to lie … every so often I get the urge to check out the latest thing (Tinder anyone). It’s as if I am going through withdrawals!
As strong as the urge might be, especially when almost all of my girlfriends are comparing notes, I stop myself from jumping back on that damn bandwagon.
When I sit with it for a moment, I know that urge is coming more from a fear place of missing out than a genuine desire to peruse and pursue.
It’s not that I don’t think online dating works. Hell, more and more people meet their future partners on the Internet every day because the face of dating has changed so dramatically due to us fully being in the Technological Age.
As a friend said to me recently, “It seems to others like you are not taking your love life seriously these days UNLESS you are online dating.”
Yet that’s not what it is about for me. It’s about how I want to FEEL and how I want to GO ABOUT dating.
I want to live my life less in front of a computer screen and more in nature. I want to be out in the world, doing cool shit and experiencing cool people.
Call me traditional but I want to meet and connect with people the ‘old fashioned way’.
I found that the times I was really into online dating I was literally blind to the people around me on the day to day! It was that all consuming. Like freaking crack … and that’s how so many people act when they are online dating, like crackheads!
That is definitely NOT how I want to live my life.
I am not alone either. There are folks out there who want to bring back the in-person connection piece to starting relationships. Chris Feliciano of Scenergy-Dating is one of those folks on that mission: Take dating back offline!
So good riddance online dating. It was (sorta) nice knowing you, but don’t let the door hit you on your way out!
Photo Credit: Flickr/Ashley Bishop
Originally posted at NatalieTheCoach.com
Archy, you only emailed five women and gave up. That’s not nearly enough when it comes to online dating. Women are hit on by so many men. I write dating profiles for a living and I can reassure you that you did everything right. You read the profiles and you reached out by actually addressing what you read in them. I’m so impressed! I’m also so sorry that you’re given up so quickly. It’s very possible that the women just didn’t want to bother responding to someone so far away (sometimes women have to be ruthless with their time). It’s… Read more »
Plenty of guys are giving up now too. I regularly see guys say they write decent messages only to get completely ignored. I wrote 5 women, only 1 replied so far. I read their profiles, talked about stuff on the profile and was very polite but no bueno. I do live 100km + away from them though but the surprising thing is they had stuff on their profile saying they were sick of guys who message just for sex and how they reply to all the good messages, yadda yadda but they didn’t. Checkout the okcupid forums and this is… Read more »
I so hear you Archy … when we go based on physical attraction as the primary way to filter out prospective partners, it is hard to get anywhere, really. Not to say that I am not guilty of that. I know we are visual creatures and do that offline as much as online, but I found that at least when it is offline, I am way more open to get to know someone on various levels. The guys I was in relationship that I met when I was out and about were not ‘my type’ but were awesome guys and… Read more »
Yeah we miss out on attractive features like voice, quirks a person has, even perfume and maybe pheremones. I’ve had my attraction greatly increase for a woman based off her smile + voice and the way she acts in the first few seconds, to me I think of it as a “sweet” personality. Text and a picture is very dull compared to face to face.
I would love to, but sadly Online Dating is the only way to make sure the person you’re talking to is actually worth talking to. In person, well she may be attractive, but she could also have 2 kids at home, and be an ignorant yokel who thinks god’s the most important thing in her life. Not that OLD is a savior or anything where I live.. 90% of the people on the site of your choice are still either 22 year old single moms who dropped out of highschool and now work as CNA’s or Retail.. or they are… Read more »
That is why it is tricky … whether it is online or not does not increase or decrease the ‘quality’ of person you are interacting with. Dating is tricky period. For the longest time I would wish that online dating would at least give you the option to keep address open so that you could explore relationships with folks outside of where you live (especially if you are open to getting the ‘hell outta dodge’). Hard to go fishing when it’s a pond and not the sea that you are working with! I empathize with you J. Which is why… Read more »
Eh it happens, and partly my own standards and values are what gets in the way of it. I could have endless dates if I was less choosy in my partners.. but when you live near a major university, you see all these amazing looking and incredibly smart people all the time.. but they are always so much younger than me that I can’t consider them as options… meanwhile the townies are all ignorant mouthbreathers who wouldn’t crack open a book if it came up and bit them.