10 Tips: Divorce For Grownups

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  1. Great piece Kate.

    #10 is what I struggle with daily.

    Thanks for this piece.

  2. Kate, thanks for the article. It is nice to have a reminder to keep things in perspective. While divorce can be an awful, heart wrenching, and challenging experience, it is also a new beginning and an opportunity for growth.

  3. Loved all the positives in your article. I, also, try to help folks in relationship struggles–but before they divorce each other.

  4. While I find some good tips here, there are also a number of built-in assumptions, in particular around items 1 and 10, in my experience.

    Divorces are often unilateral until one caves. A contentious divorce may produce a contentious aftermath that can drag on for years, especially when children are used as pawns. It isn’t about letting go; it’s about day by day survival.

  5. “Get a therapist…”

    Such great advice…! I would stew and get ignored…and stew some more…There is nothing like going to support group and telling everyone your most intimate problems…and just having someone validate what you are feeling and saying….that helped to dissipate a lot of sheer anger….and my peers helped me to take steps to communicate better without putting him on the defensive…

  6. Valter Viglietti says:

    This article is one of the finest example of “emotional intelligence” I’ve read lately.
    It merges the emotional and the rational; something that we aren’t usually able to do when we’re hurt.

  7. Excellent tips, Kate. I’ll be sharing this one.

    Agreed. Ongoing anger can be destructive and be a long-term road block to healing and personal development.

    When angry divorced people start dating again, they often wonder where all the good men/women are.

  8. I could write a novel about divorce. My tips are different. 1. When you show your attorney how much money you both have in the initial disclosures assume that is ho much your legal fees will cost you. 2. Don’t be tempted to call the attorney with personal counseling. This is a business relationship. 3. The legal system is not there to help you or your children. 4.Be reasonable, steadfast, honest and keep your job you will need more income now with two households. 5. This will pass. 6. Do not leave burned earth behind you. 7. Count to ten and maybe to one hundred. 8. Build new family, make new traditions and hold on to happy memories for your children.

  9. These are great tips to an easier divorce.


  1. [...] I read Kate Bartolotta’s 10 Tips on Divorce for Grownups, I noted some practical bits of advice. I see the good intentions in her tips, and consider some to [...]

  2. [...] 10 Tips: Divorce For Grownups Since I believe a big part of getting divorced “like a grown up” includes not airing all of the ups and downs in public, my own divorce is something I haven't written about much at all. There is a temptation when we get to the point of a break-up to re … Read more on The Good Men Project [...]

  3. […] goodmenproject.com, “10 Tips: Divorce For Grownups,” Kate Bartolotta, July 22, […]

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