A Gay Man’s Sex With Women

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About Dennis Milam Bensie

Dennis Milam Bensie grew up in Robinson, Illinois where his interest in the arts began in high school participating in various community theatre productions. Bensie’s first book, Shorn: Toys to Men was nominated for the Stonewall Book Award, sponsored by the American Library Association. It was also a pick in the International gay magazine The Advocate as “One of the Best Overlooked Books of 2011″. The author’s short stories have been published by Bay Laurel, Everyday Fiction, and This Zine Will Change Your Life and his essays have been seen in The Huffington Post and The Good Men Project. One Gay American is his second book with Coffeetown Press, which was chosen as a finalist in the Next Generation Indie Book Awards and the Indie Excellence Book Awards. He was a presenter at the 2013 Saints and Sinners Literary Festival in New Orleans and at the Montana Gay Pride Festival. Dennis lives in Seattle with his three dogs.


  1. Poor Jessica!!!!!!!! This is so sad. You didn’t have to come out as a full on homosexual, but you would have at least broken up with her. Knowing the whole time you hated sex with her? I can’t imagine the hurt of giving head to a guy who secretly hated it the whole time. She did it FOR you. I’m sorry you struggled so much, but sad you left a trail of pain in your wake. You’re like the general Sherman of love dude.

  2. People are afraid, deathly afraid, of bisexual feelings, and the social pressure within the gay community is conducive to that fear, just like the straight majority.

    • I don’t really consider myself bisexual. I guess technically I am. It is interesting that you mention that the gay community fears bisexuality. Perhaps that is because I don’t know very many people who are practicing bisexuals who admit it: someone who frequently flips back and forth between interest in both sexes.

      I think my friends would all be shocked it I started having sex with women again. I would be shocked but I guess it is not out of the question.

  3. Scott K says:

    Thank you, Dennis, for sharing your thoughts. I am presently married, and I’ve known I am bisexual for quite some time. It wasn’t until I moved to a larger city where I could explore same sex experiences, so I thought I would have the best of both. Mostly all I feel is shame for cheating on my wife to fulfill myself sexually. My biggest mistake was not being truthful with her about my identity from the get-go.

    • Dennis Milam Bensie says:

      You are very welcome. You have to be truthful with yourself or it will come back to haunt you.

    • Do you still do this? Do you have unprotected sex with other men and bring that home to your wife? I’ve had to get HIV tested before because my man couldn’t keep it in his pants, and i’ts a terrible thing to do to a person. It’s not okay just because you are having a hard time.

      • Terry, you ask:

        Do you still do this? Do you have unprotected sex with other men and bring that home to your wife?

        Perhaps you’d find answers to your question if you read the article rather than projecting:

        When you are gay, it feels like you have two virginities: one for each gender. I lost my second virginity with a guy a few months after Mary and I stopped sleeping together.

        That was twenty-five years ago. I never had sex with a woman again, but I’ve had plenty of fun with guys in the last twenty-five years.

  4. Oh being just one year divorced and finding out my ex was gay, this tears at my heart. As a straight spouse we question everything and it hurts to think my last 19 yrs were like Jessica’s. It’s unfair what you did. Just say it out loud, we deserve the truth.

  5. As former wife of a closeted gay man, I lost all respect for him as a person for his lack of honesty. Our daughter, lives her life openly as a lesbian. I am so very proud of her.

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