Divorce, Soul Mates and the Puzzle of Life

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Tasher meditates on healing following divorce, and the big picture of life.

Forrest Gump said “Life is like a box of chocolates.” I prefer Squire Rushnell’s idea that life is like a big jigsaw puzzle. All the pieces have their place, and every single one is important in our life for some reason. I am one piece in the puzzle; there are pieces that connect to mine, one of which is a soul mate. As with any puzzle, when you have the correct piece they fall in place very quickly, and there is no need to try to make them fit.

The puzzle is a blueprint for our lives. I do not believe people come into our lives by coincidence. Every one of them has a purpose, some large and others small. People who spend a short time in our lives often have a profound effect.

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I lived in the Philippines only a few years, but many of the things I learned there influenced the rest of my life.

The Filipinos believe God chooses our parents, siblings, and children. When a Filipino is speaking of an older sister, they do not just refer to her name. The Tagalog word “Ate” prefaces the name. This is because Filipinos believe God also chose the order in which you were born. Respect for God’s grand design extends to the friends of their parents. An adult male friend of your parents has the Tagalog word “Tito” before the name. Ask any Filipino if it’s by coincidence these people are in their lives and they will look at you like you’ve lost your mind.

I happen to agree with them.

Squire Rusnell writes in his book “When God Winks on Love”:

Like a jigsaw puzzle in which you know that all the pieces will fit precisely together, the blueprint for your life was written with an exact-fitting piece just for you and your soul mate. Yes, within that jigsaw puzzle called “Your Life,” there is a perfect love.

We are one piece in our life puzzle, and each person is another piece. We’ve been assigned the task of putting our life puzzle together. We cannot forget about our free will. We can place the people pieces where we want them. Of course, we are human and sometimes will make the wrong choices.

◊♦◊

During the healing time following my divorce, I thought about this over and over. I realized my ex was not my soul mate. So many times during the marriage I was pushing the pieces down trying to make them fit. A piece would fit for a while, but then some corner or curve always popped up. I kept trying to make the wrong piece go in the wrong spot. When I realized this and accepted it, I felt a big weight lift off my shoulders, and I was okay with the divorce. My ex is an important piece in my puzzle called life; he is just not my soul mate, and I am not his.

There will be puzzle pieces that you do not like, but they are there for a reason. Your life puzzle would not be complete without them. The first ones that come to mind are the ones your ex picks to bring into your children’s lives. We’re not required to do anything but understand that everything will make sense to us one day.

While putting your life puzzle together, have confidence in the big picture. Keep your eyes, ears, and heart open.

Photo by craftist collective.

This article originally appeared, in slightly different form, at Divorced and Scared No More.

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About Tasher

Tasher is the owner and president of Divorced and Scared No More

Comments

  1. “I do not believe people come into our lives by coincidence. Every one of them has a purpose, some large and others small.”
    A fascinating theory. Do you have substantial proof, or is it just wishful thinking?
    And, what about bad events: car accidents, shootings, someone killing a child… what the purpose is?

    “The Filipinos believe God chooses our parents, siblings, and children.”
    According to this theory, God chose even those parents who abuse, beat or kill their offspring.
    Why would God choose such parents? What’s the point? And would we still call such God a loving one?

  2. Valter V

    You have brought up interesting points that I do believe proved to me that even things that seem bad are there for a reason. In my life 3 months after my 21st birthday I was in very bad car accident. I went through the windshield and then face went into the dash of the car. That day was my first reconstructive surgery. At first I did not understand why this happened to me. It wasn’t long until I understood it did have a purpose. Many people that see me now cannot believe what I looked like before all the surgeries. I have been fortunate enough to share with people what I went through and gave them hope that they can fix for the most part the disfiguring scars. For me that is proof that bad things can have a reason and in time we will find out what they are.

    My mother was verbally and physically abusive to me. I do believe that we become who we are because of the plusses and minuses in our lives. Did I like it NO but it was part of what made me who I am today.

    Regarding rape I do have a very close friend that went through that and she kept the child. those details are not mine to share until I discuss if she would want me to.

    My friend and I do believe God is a loving God and there is so much more that we do not know just like all the reasons why…

    Here is a link to the about me on my website http://divorcedandscarednomore.com/?page_id=4149

    Tasher

    • Tasher, I admire your resolution to turn your accident into something useful and positive.
      Yet, it seems to me your two examples are the kind that are not purposeful in themselves (because a God decided so), but YOU decided to give those experiences a meaning a a purpose.

      I agree our personal history is part of what makes us who we are; and I, too, decided to use my somehow difficult past to propel me into becoming a better person.
      But, again, this doesn’t mean there was a purpose in the past. It means WE can create meaning and purpose.

      • Part of this you may misunderstand and that is God lets us all have our free will. He did not cause my accident. The man that decided to drink, do drug and drive caused my accident. It was his freewill to do those things and unfortunately I was in his way. God did have a path for me to help others I just believe that it was my freewill and following my faith that helped me accomplish that goal even though it may have gotten there in a different way than Gods original plan. This man was someone I knew and seeing what had happened to me he decided to stop drinking and doing drugs.
        I grew up with an abusive mother. If I had not always looked for the silver lining I think I could have become a very hard person and possibly done the same types of things to my children.
        With our freewill we decide how we will handle the boulders that are put in our lives. There is a purpose for each life. God does not plan out life nor does he have things happen to us. He just wants us to get to our purpose in our own way. I do believe he may keep showing us opportunities to achieve our purpose but we must decide to take action.
        Each person is a piece in my puzzle some are positive and some are negative but which side of that coin they are is their own making.

  3. Wow, a great discussion above. I think that Tasher’s last comments more closely and accurately reflect the character of God than most of the rest of the comments. Of course, it does appear that ValterV might be a bit of, at the very least, an agnostic if not an atheist. I must say, though, that I agree with his comments re God bringing everyone into our life for some purpose, and also in re the Filipino belief that God chooses our birth order. I believe that we assume far too much about God’s role in the world. The first assumption is that God, being God, can and will do anything He pleases. I believe that we only have to look to the Garden of Eden to see that God did not do all that he pleased. Or, if He did, than He is more of a monster than Joseph Stalin, Saddam Hussein, or Adolf Hitler. To assume that God created man with the express intent that He would fall into sin and thus end up consigning Billions upon Billions of people to Hell. And yet we still wish to call Him Father?

    No, God had a perfect plan for Adam and Eve (see Jeremiah 29:11), and He did everything He could to see to it that His plan was carried out. He walked with them everyday, teaching them about life, love, and other things. He assigned an important angel to be a covering; a sort of protector for them. He gave them a perfect environment, and He gave them each other. And one other thing. He gave them DOMINION over the earth. It took God six days to create an entire universe, and a planet on which to place His mankind, and to create a body for a man into whom He breathed life. Why then did it take Him 4000 years to prepare the way for Jesus’ body? Because during the first six days God retained dominion of this new universe He had created. On the seventh day He had handed it over to His man.

    Some would say that God Knew that Lucifer would do what he did, but God Allowed it anyway. I say that, while I believe that God knew what was possible, He didn’t know without any uncertainty what either Lucifer, or Adam would do until they knew themselves, and maybe not even until they had done it.

    Think about it. “Wait,” you say. “God knows the end from the beginning. The Bible says so.” I desire you to show me a scripture that says that. I have searched the Bible and have never found one. I have found Isaiah 46:10 “Declaring the end from the beginning, And from ancient times things that are not yet done, Saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, And I will do all My pleasure,’”

    This verse does not say God Knows, it says He declares. Compare this with Romans 4:17. And look at verses in Jeremiah 7:31, 19:5, 32:35. God said there were things that people did that never entered His mind or heart. What? Some thing that God didn’t know?

    Well, that is the essence of Free Will. That we can do things that God would never consider. How? Because He does not meditate on evil. (See Philippians 4:8) Thus, if God didn’t plan on what happened (don’t get me wrong, He did plan FOR it, just not on it) then that means that there is an enemy who worked against God. Lucifer. What did he do? He co-opted mankind. What is he doing today? Still co-opting mankind. So, sometimes people come into your life because your enemy planted them there. Sometimes things happen that God did not intend. What’s the good news? Romans 8:28; God can, and will if we let Him, turn everything that happens to good for us. Not because He planned on it before it happens, but because He is more capable than anyone at planning Good plans. Sometimes those plans have to formed out of the ashes of our failures, or out of the destruction left in the wake of our enemy, but when we trust God Paul said in 2 Corinthians 2:14 that we could be “thankful” because God “always causes us to triumph in Christ Jesus.”

    Well, I must stop on that note, for the things I say are broader than time or space permit here. I hope the reader will consider the scriptures shared and context of the Bible as a whole and see that God is not controlling everything that comes at us, but that when we walk with Him He will bring order out of chaos, and victory in the midst of what looks like defeat!

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