Marriage Is Not About You

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About George Peabody

George Peabody has been a carpenter/homebuilder/cabinetmaker, a computer support specialist and a software product manager. He started an ISP, built online aviation training courses, has done market research, and now provides consulting work in financial services. At one time he was a certified life coach. Having survived most of the family and personal crises we are subject to, he's a mostly happy man. Writing is his way to turn learning into purpose. His marriage manifesto is here


  1. ” I brought my full share of mangled gears to the relationship and, while I muffled the sound pretty well before we got married, there came a few times afterwards when it was impossible to ignore the clanking.”

    I love this sentence…great visual!

    When I talk to people about acknowledging the work they need to do to fix their “clanking”, they often resort to insisting that others simply need to accept them as they are or leave. That true love is acceptance of all of their mangled gears. That potential dates need to be ready to deal with them exactly as they are today. They say this even in the face of ample evidence that their personal impact on their partner or date consistently has negative consequences – negative feelings.

    If a person believes they have no more work to do on their relationship IQ and ability to co-create a mutually satisfying “We”, then their partner/potential partner will develop the same low expectations.

  2. Katie Peabody says:

    Addendum to the author’s bio: George Peabody also plays a mean guitar, takes to open water with familial comfort (he converted to Judaism there and navigates a canoe as if limbs live where oars instead belong), has lovingly raised two more puppies since the Aussie left us (one of which joined him), and loves Daffy Duck, fresh oysters, and outer space. His daughter Katie is also his favorite younger daughter (and she too loves the internet, George’s wife, and bacon).

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