16 Questions You Should Never Ask on a First Date

Want to sabotage a first date before it even starts? Then ask this set of inappropriate and inflammatory set of questions.

Lauren Marie Given, a writer for TrèsSugar, tells readers 16 questions they need to avoid in order to make sure they even get through dinner on a first date.

First dates are awkward enough as-is—much less when you ask personal, inappropriate questions. There’s a fine line between getting to know someone and digging a little too deep, so try to think before you speak. Don’t want to make him uncomfortable? Steer clear of these questions to make date number two more likely:

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Is Google right about you? A quick pre-date Google search is totally normal, but it’s definitely not normal to bring up your findings. Curious about his football days? Mention your favorite sports team to steer the conversation in the right direction.

Who are you voting for? Bringing up political preferences is a major don’t. If it’s part of his career or the topic comes up naturally, go ahead and (very politely, very briefly) address it, then move on.

What’s your “number”? Learning someone’s sexual history is very important—once you’re sleeping with them, that is. There’s no need to raise the issue right away, though, so hold out until it’s necessary.

How much do you make? You’re trying to gauge how well you get along, not whether you want to hire him. Finance talk is rude and uncomfortable, so keep any career-based conversation on the surface level.

Do you still talk to your ex? Keep the past in the past. If kids or an ex-wife are involved, let him be the one to raise the topic.

Why haven’t you friend requested me yet? Don’t obsess over whether or not he’s following you on every social network. Once you’ve connected in real life, then you can connect online.

When did you lose your virginity? Way, way too personal. Don’t go there.

How much do you weigh? Weight is another issue that should remain private. Asking about his size might make him feel insecure or self-conscious, even if you have the best intentions.

What was your GPA? For one thing, a date is not a job interview. And for another who cares? Some people don’t test well, and book smarts don’t always correspond to real-world success anyway.

Do you think size matters? This basically translates as: “Size matters to me.” You don’t want to embarrass him, so keep the conversation above the belt.

What’s your most traumatizing memory? Good dates stem from good energy, so your best bet is to avoid bringing negativity into the exchange.

Are you planning to get married? Have kids? If you’ve just met, it’s simply too early to bring up these future-focused issues.

Do you believe in God? Religion may be an important issue for you, but there’s a time and a place to bring up spiritual matters—and nine times out of 10, a first date isn’t it.

How do you feel about abortion? Just, no.

Want to order some shots? It’s fine to have a drink or two, but if you’re genuinely trying to get to know someone, turning to alcohol sends the wrong signal.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Not only is it a cliché cop-out of a question, but it also screams “overeager.” Play it cool by keeping things casual.

Have you ever been asked an awkward question during a first date? Are there any topics that would send you running for the hills?

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Comments

  1. Nick, mostly says:

    I don’t know, I think all of those questions would be great. How else will I know whether or not to waste time on a second date?

    Okay, maybe not all of the questions. But the questions about marriage, kids, god, and abortions can be useful screening questions. I mean, do you really want a second date with an anti-abortion fundamentalist Christian who doesn’t want to have sex until marriage after which he expects you to fulfill traditional gender roles and be fruitful and multiply when you’re a polyamorous atheist vegan with multiple current partners (let alone past), no interest in having kids, and have had an abortion?

    • wellokaythen says:

      “I mean, do you really want a second date with an anti-abortion fundamentalist Christian who doesn’t want to have sex until marriage after which he expects you to fulfill traditional gender roles and be fruitful and multiply when you’re a polyamorous atheist vegan with multiple current partners (let alone past), no interest in having kids, and have had an abortion?”

      I hear this is not so unusual a match on eHarmony….

  2. Mosr or all of those are all important things to know about someone. However, it’s possible to figure many of them out without asking direct questions.

  3. I’ve always hated lists like this, because it makes a first date so inauthentic. I don’t want to go on a date with someone who’s trying to say all the right things…I want to actually get to know someone. So a few of the things on this list are common courtesy, like there’s no need to ask about weight because obviously you can see whether s/he is big, small, muscular, whatever. That’s just prying.

    But I actually think religion, politics, and questions about future plans (like kids and stuff) are all totally fine on a first date. I mean, obviously it shouldn’t become an interview…but I don’t think there are topics you should steer clear of or anything.

  4. gabby watts says:

    I agree with Heather. If you are being yourself and someone doesn’t like it then they don’t like you. Best screening tool, ever.

  5. speakeasy says:

    I’m so tired of all these rules of what to say or not to say. I wish people would just relax , be open and not so quick to judge if someone opens up a taboo topic. If someone asks me how many partners I have had I’m not going to judge them for asking the question and I hope they don’t judge me when I tell them it’s none of their business.

  6. What’s your “number”? Learning someone’s sexual history is very important—once you’re sleeping with them, that is.

    I would think if one is of the belief that it is at all important to know someone’s sexual history it would be better to learn it before you actually sleep with them as learning about it once you sleep with them is kind of too late.

    • Not all first dates end in sex, mate. This is a list about first dates….it’s not a good list, mind, but still I think you gotta remember it’s about first dates.

      • Nick, mostly says:

        Given the emphasis on the word “before” I think Tamen was simply drawing attention to the flawed explanation, not necessarily advocating that it be a first-date question.

      • The reply indicates IF it’s important, suggesting -to me- that this commenter might not agree that it’s a question that might not need asking ANYTIME, contrary to the article. But that IF it’s important to you, you might want to ask for it on an other timing than suggested by the article.

        Mate sounds like you’re indicating the commenter to be male, where there’s not a particular indication for that person’s gender. So it might be you need to check your own prejudices.

  7. wellokaythen says:

    “Does the carpet match the drapes?”

    “How many drinks before you’ll have sex with me?”

    “Will you be sleeping on the left side of the bed or the right side?”

    “When am I going to meet your parents?”

    “Can you babysit my kids for a few hours?”

  8. courage the cowardly dog says:

    Whew!! I didn’t ask any of those questions on my last first date. But it didn’t seem to matter because I didn’t get a second date. O Well.

  9. Raluca Hippie says:

    Hmmmm…. With my current boyfriend, we had a very heated conversation about politics and religion on our first date; and we loved it that way. (He’s a big politics geek).
    With the guy I dated before him, we ended-up taling about our exes (whom we are both close friends with) even before our first date (when we were talking online and arranging it.)

    You know- you can find all over the net lists like: don’t do this, don’t do that, don’t get too personal on the first date; yet no-one seems to warn you of the opposite: don’t talk about the weather; don’t try to present yourself as “normal”. or some sort of “standard human beings”. My theory is that people tend to click/form friendships and relationships when they find themselves to be similar in those respects in which they tend to be different from most people; so emphasising what you have in common with most people isn’t going to help anyone. I’d say- get as personal as you’re comfortable- it is, indeed, a great screening.

  10. Valter Viglietti says:

    Personally, I like to be personal. :)
    And the most personal the discourse become, the more engaged I become.
    OTOH, smalltalk and PC topics just drive me mad and give me the urge to run for the exit. :mrgreen:

    I think these kind of lists ignore the basic balance of safety VS excitement: i.e., the safer a thing is, the less exciting it will be.
    If a first date leans excessively into safety, it will be boring, and without a second one.
    A little caution may be wise, but too much of it will make anybody doze.

    Then, it’s up to individual tastes: I’d like my first date to be intriguing, surprising and even a little shocking, thanks! :D

  11. Timothy chinakidzwa says:

    Girls viginity is the I.Ds of your marriage pleas if you want your marriage to be enjoyble, keep your viginity to the one who will marry you.

    • “if you want your marriage to be enjoyble, keep your viginity to the one who will marry you.”

      Yeah, and then spend the rest of your life looking at every mildly attractive man, undressing him with your eyes, and wondering what sex would be like with him–and since you haven’t had experience, imagining that it’d be better than with your husband.

  12. Hi Popsugar
    You write ” What’s your “number”? Learning someone’s sexual history is very important—once you’re sleeping with them, that is. There’s no need to raise the issue right away, though, so hold out until it’s
    necessary”

    May I ask why?
    And may I ask how do you define as “sex” to be included in this sexual history?

  13. Even if you have the audacity to ask such questions on a first date, people will lie….people will tell you whatever you want to hear….

  14. So basically you are saying that on a first date you should only talk about superficial topics and engage in small talk. I would not be interested in a guy that if not interested in serious topics like politics and expects me to only engage in small talk until we had like 5 dates. I do not believe in that much privacy and I would like to know before the second date whether he is right-winged since I can’t imagine dating someone with completely different values. Really, a guy that doesn’t want a second date because I asked about politics or religion is not a guy that I would date.

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