16 Questions You Should Never Ask on a First Date

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  1. Nick, mostly says:

    I don’t know, I think all of those questions would be great. How else will I know whether or not to waste time on a second date?

    Okay, maybe not all of the questions. But the questions about marriage, kids, god, and abortions can be useful screening questions. I mean, do you really want a second date with an anti-abortion fundamentalist Christian who doesn’t want to have sex until marriage after which he expects you to fulfill traditional gender roles and be fruitful and multiply when you’re a polyamorous atheist vegan with multiple current partners (let alone past), no interest in having kids, and have had an abortion?

    • wellokaythen says:

      “I mean, do you really want a second date with an anti-abortion fundamentalist Christian who doesn’t want to have sex until marriage after which he expects you to fulfill traditional gender roles and be fruitful and multiply when you’re a polyamorous atheist vegan with multiple current partners (let alone past), no interest in having kids, and have had an abortion?”

      I hear this is not so unusual a match on eHarmony….

  2. Mosr or all of those are all important things to know about someone. However, it’s possible to figure many of them out without asking direct questions.

  3. I’ve always hated lists like this, because it makes a first date so inauthentic. I don’t want to go on a date with someone who’s trying to say all the right things…I want to actually get to know someone. So a few of the things on this list are common courtesy, like there’s no need to ask about weight because obviously you can see whether s/he is big, small, muscular, whatever. That’s just prying.

    But I actually think religion, politics, and questions about future plans (like kids and stuff) are all totally fine on a first date. I mean, obviously it shouldn’t become an interview…but I don’t think there are topics you should steer clear of or anything.

  4. gabby watts says:

    I agree with Heather. If you are being yourself and someone doesn’t like it then they don’t like you. Best screening tool, ever.

  5. speakeasy says:

    I’m so tired of all these rules of what to say or not to say. I wish people would just relax , be open and not so quick to judge if someone opens up a taboo topic. If someone asks me how many partners I have had I’m not going to judge them for asking the question and I hope they don’t judge me when I tell them it’s none of their business.

  6. What’s your “number”? Learning someone’s sexual history is very important—once you’re sleeping with them, that is.

    I would think if one is of the belief that it is at all important to know someone’s sexual history it would be better to learn it before you actually sleep with them as learning about it once you sleep with them is kind of too late.

    • Not all first dates end in sex, mate. This is a list about first dates….it’s not a good list, mind, but still I think you gotta remember it’s about first dates.

      • Nick, mostly says:

        Given the emphasis on the word “before” I think Tamen was simply drawing attention to the flawed explanation, not necessarily advocating that it be a first-date question.

  7. wellokaythen says:

    “Does the carpet match the drapes?”

    “How many drinks before you’ll have sex with me?”

    “Will you be sleeping on the left side of the bed or the right side?”

    “When am I going to meet your parents?”

    “Can you babysit my kids for a few hours?”

  8. courage the cowardly dog says:

    Whew!! I didn’t ask any of those questions on my last first date. But it didn’t seem to matter because I didn’t get a second date. O Well.

  9. Raluca Hippie says:

    Hmmmm…. With my current boyfriend, we had a very heated conversation about politics and religion on our first date; and we loved it that way. (He’s a big politics geek).
    With the guy I dated before him, we ended-up taling about our exes (whom we are both close friends with) even before our first date (when we were talking online and arranging it.)

    You know- you can find all over the net lists like: don’t do this, don’t do that, don’t get too personal on the first date; yet no-one seems to warn you of the opposite: don’t talk about the weather; don’t try to present yourself as “normal”. or some sort of “standard human beings”. My theory is that people tend to click/form friendships and relationships when they find themselves to be similar in those respects in which they tend to be different from most people; so emphasising what you have in common with most people isn’t going to help anyone. I’d say- get as personal as you’re comfortable- it is, indeed, a great screening.

  10. Valter Viglietti says:

    Personally, I like to be personal. :)
    And the most personal the discourse become, the more engaged I become.
    OTOH, smalltalk and PC topics just drive me mad and give me the urge to run for the exit. :mrgreen:

    I think these kind of lists ignore the basic balance of safety VS excitement: i.e., the safer a thing is, the less exciting it will be.
    If a first date leans excessively into safety, it will be boring, and without a second one.
    A little caution may be wise, but too much of it will make anybody doze.

    Then, it’s up to individual tastes: I’d like my first date to be intriguing, surprising and even a little shocking, thanks! :D

  11. Timothy chinakidzwa says:

    Girls viginity is the I.Ds of your marriage pleas if you want your marriage to be enjoyble, keep your viginity to the one who will marry you.

    • “if you want your marriage to be enjoyble, keep your viginity to the one who will marry you.”

      Yeah, and then spend the rest of your life looking at every mildly attractive man, undressing him with your eyes, and wondering what sex would be like with him–and since you haven’t had experience, imagining that it’d be better than with your husband.

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