The Man With the Really Big… Belly

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About Rebecca Jane Weinstein

Rebecca Jane Weinstein is the author of “Fat Sex: The Naked Truth,” a provocative new book about size and relationships. She is also the founder of PeopleOfSize.com, an online community and social networking site which provides information, support, and interaction for "people of size." Trained as a lawyer and social worker, Rebecca has been working as an advocate and writer for nearly twenty years.

Comments

  1. I have to ask, is he getting women who are similar in looks/size/shape to him or is he getting women who look better and/or worse than him? Women who are of all shapes n sizes, or just women who are 100lbs overweight? The reason I ask is because I basically grew up being taught that people date in a similar attractiveness range, and similar body type, fat men have to date fat women, thinner people get more CHOICE. I am a bigger person but I don’t want to be restricted by having to date within a defined range, I feel it’s limiting.

    In our quest to get the best looks for our body I think we overlook the importance of changing our personality for the better, dropping bitterness for example or finding our confidence.

    • This man is dating — in relationships with — sleeping with, women of all sorts. Some conventionally beautiful, some less so. Some younger, some older. This is a person who exemplifies that we can make our own rules, and societal pressures do not have to limit us. That is not to say everyone has his ability to attract — like I said, there is something special about his personality. But mostly, it is his confidence. He is not afraid to be rejected and he is not afraid to go after what he desires. I can’t say for certain what the key is, but if I can make the best guess, it’s lack of fear. If he is rejected he just moves on and doesn’t let it crush him. He is not intimidated. He simply does not buy into the idea that there is a defined range. I believe this is something he has worked on, it’s not magic.

      • Ah ok, Thank-you! It’s nice to know there isn’t a set rule. I think many people don’t approach others out of fear they aren’t in the same league and it’s a damn shame to limit yourself like that. Overcoming the fear of rejection is an important goal of mine.

  2. Question.

    Did you by chance get around to questioning just how far back this success (and the failures they are mixed with) goes?

    From the excerpt here it would seem this is something that’s been going on for him for a long period of time rather than a sudden spurt of recent success.

    I wonder because one of the biggest things that has me worried is age/time. When you make it to your early 30s without a single relationship in your past (and extremely limited sexual experience) people wonder. It’s one thing to be 20 and never had a relationship (but with the way teens fall in and out of love I think even 20 is a stretch), but a bit over the threshold of 30?

  3. He has always been a lady’s man. But There are many people in the book who were late bloomers. It’s much more common than people admit, so it seems to me from talking to a lot of people. I’m not a sex therapist by any stretch, but what I saw over and over is we are our own worst enemies when it comes to attracting others. Sometimes you have to be fearless, even if you are faking it. Everyone has issues, even if you feel like you are the only one.

    • It’s much more common than people admit, so it seems to me from talking to a lot of people.
      I’d imagine so. There’s a bit of a stigma attached to being a late starter in such things.

      I’m not a sex therapist by any stretch, but what I saw over and over is we are our own worst enemies when it comes to attracting others.
      Agreed. I think in the case of late bloomers we become our own worst enemy when the few times we’ve decided to express interest in someone it have a 100% failure rate we kinda decide to just give up.

      Previous experience tells us that initiating never works and trying to attract others never works. Now I’m sure someone would want to say that they shouldn’t take such things to heart but speaking for myself at least that is so much easier said then done.

      Everyone has issues, even if you feel like you are the only one.
      Oh yes certainly everyone has issues but I think what trips people up is that while they acknowledge that there are others out there that have issues, even others that have issues very similar to yours, there is a personal touch on your own issues, because they are yours. An exact combination of experiences, trials, errors, and everything else that adds up to exactly what you are going through.

      And I think one thing that is ever present in the mind of a late bloomers is this:
      “How exactly do I start turning things around? Or now that so much time has passed is turning things around even possible?”

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