How a Man Falls in Love

How a Man Falls in Love

Jimmy Jacob admits that the list of ways he falls in love is “slightly incoherent and not as blissful as you’d expect.” But he’s happy to be doing something he had denied himself for many years. 

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I have been very open about my dating pitfalls, and quite recently I have been opening up about something I have denied myself for many years—the act of falling in love. Soon after the lovely Leslie of The Soundtrack of Life, brought up the idea of writing about how it is for both sexes to fall in love. Considering I am the first to admit that up until recently I have been a heartbreaking man-whore for most of my twenties, I thought it was an amazing yet challenging topic to write about.

So the following is a list of when I fall in love, how I felt, what I did and how I dealt with it and how I’m continuing to deal with it. Just like love, my list is slightly incoherent and not as blissful as you would expect it to be—because let’s face it: Love is never perfect when it’s REAL love. (It’s also not a Michael Bolton song either.)

1.  I knew I was in trouble (a.k.a. falling in love) with my girlfriend (wow, I’ve never written that before about her…huh), the first time we had kissed. She was shy and serene, so I had figured I was the one who was going to have to make the first move—in fact; I was looking forward to it. However, when I invited her over for a drink, she confidently walked to me as I was making the drink and took me by surprise by kissing me. I still think of that kiss to this very day because it reminds me as to why I fell for her in the first place.

2.  When I met Sabrina years ago, she was my friend before my lover—something I wasn’t used to at the time. It’s because of our connection when we were friends that let me comfortable being myself around her. She has never tried to change me, and because of that I have evolved into a better man.

3.  I craved talking to her (even over the phone) as much I craved a cigarette with my coffee.  Craving her was constant, instantly addictive and it kept me alert.

4. She felt like an accident because she wasn’t my type. And just like an accident, it was an unexpected and life-changing event in my life.

5. I daydreamed about kissing her more than sleeping with her whenever we were apart.

6. I knew I was in love the day I broke her heart the first time round. You always hurt when you hurt the ones you love.

7.  Over the years, Sabrina and I have had plenty of falling-outs. I adored her and for months I downright resented her, however I never was ever “neutral” with her…which says a lot in my opinion.

8.  She was and still is my greatest writing muse—no matter if we were on speaking terms or not.

9. When I was in denial of how I felt about her, I would find excuses to go shop for birthday and Christmas gifts for my friends and family in the store where she would buy her favorite perfume from. When no one was looking, I would sniff the bottle of perfume like it was a line of cocaine. Love makes you do some crazy things.

10. Her idiosyncrasies (such as scrunching her face in the mirror every time she’s doing her makeup, her insane klutziness or how she scratches her head like a monkey when she has writer’s block) are quirks I can’t possibly live without.

11.  I made it a personal mission to count all of her beauty marks on her face and her body. She has sixteen altogether. Five on her face, two on her neck, one on each shoulder, two below her breasts, one on her stomach, one on her foot and three on her arm that look like a constellation.

12.  I feel the same passion about her as I feel about the debate over the differences between R&B and Soul music. It’s like the difference between saying you love somebody and being in love with somebody. R&B is just a word.

Every man falls in love in a different way, but what I can definitely say is that when men fall, they fall hard. When I first fell in love, I made plenty of mistakes; I tried denying the fact that I was at the finish line when it came to future relationships. However, it took me five years to realize that when you are truly in love with someone and are willing to go the distance with them, then you embark on another race—a far more fulfilling race than you could ever dream of.

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Originally appeared at Personals Facts.

—Photo nathalielaure/Flickr

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About Jimmy Jacob

Jimmy Jacob is the head writer over at Personal Facts (http://personalsfacts.com), a blog about online dating, sex, love and personal ancedotes of Jimmy's dating woes and successes. You can also connect with him on twitter @personalsfacts (http://twitter.com/personalsfacts.com).

Comments

  1. Wonderful Jimmy. Thank you

  2. Glad you liked it Sherri! :)

  3. Henry Vandenburgh says:

    Really nice!

  4. Damn…I wish you were my ex boyfriend instead of …well, my ex boyfriend…he fell hard and then got too scared…you’d think someone 10 years older than you would know what he wanted………….

    nice article :)

  5. PursuitAce says:

    Very nice work.

  6. David in SLC says:

    I honestly have to say I wasn’t moved to agree with you until I reached this:

    11. I made it a personal mission to count all of her beauty marks on her face and her body. She has sixteen altogether. Five on her face, two on her neck, one on each shoulder, two below her breasts, one on her stomach, one on her foot and three on her arm that look like a constellation.

    All the rest are things I associate with feeling any amount of deep emotion for someone but not necessarily love. Only a man truly in love does this.

    • wellokaythen says:

      Hmmm. My wife’s dermatologist has created a photographic record of all of her moles. Should I put a stop to this?

  7. “2. When I met Sabrina years ago, she was my friend before my lover–something I wasn’t used to at the time. It’s because of our connection when we were friends that made me comfortable being myself around her. She has never tried to change me and because of that I have evolved into a better man.
    3. I craved talking to her (even over the phone) as much I craved a cigarette with my coffee. Craving her was constant, instantly addictive and it kept me alert.
    4. She felt like an accident because she wasn’t my type. And just like an accident, it was an unexpected and life-changing event in my life.”

    :) I wish you two the best.

  8. I did read to find out how ‘men’ fall in love with ‘women’ – not just how cool Sabrina is – but nice all the same. Sounds just like how women fall in love with men – individually. :)

  9. I will say I was looking for how men fall n love but this was the most honest, simple article and u expressed ur feelings honestly. Thank u it did get some insights as well. I would like to hear from other men how men fell in love with their women. Would be nice to know there is discipline progressive partnership that really happen. I am excited about the wonderful that’s for me entering n my life I’m ready for whatever comes with it. I know it won’t b easy. Thank u peace

  10. ok…i have never commented on one of these blog posts…but this one…really spoke to me…i loved the beauty marks part…i actually texted my boy friend and said : do you even KNOW how many beauty marks i have??? LOL ….no reply…but very well written…thank you!!

    • kathryn says:

      sorry…that’s pretty mean. Men love in different ways. Are you testing him?

    • Valter Viglietti says:

      @Jenny: “i actually texted my boy friend and said : do you even KNOW how many beauty marks i have???”

      Do you know his? ;)

    • wellokaythen says:

      One good answer: “Your beauty is boundless and uncountable. I could never put a number on how much I love you.”

      Another good answer: he picks a number out of thin air and hopes you don’t know the answer either.

  11. I adore this article. It’s nice to know this…”Every man falls in love in a different way, but what I can definitely say is that when men fall, they fall hard. ”

    Thank you for sharing.

  12. Bubba Baggins says:

    Very nice article. It’s true: when we fall, we FALL. I was heartened to read about the not- so- good times too. It’s encouraging to remember that people in relationships can go through some pretty rough stuff and come out with as much (or more) pretty, poignant, and poetic emotion as ever. Best of love to you and to all couples!

  13. Wow!!!! This is so sweet and amazing!!! She is so Special to be loved by you!!!

  14. Wow, this really reminded me of my boyfriend. He counted the marks on my body too, though I have quite a few more than your girlfriend! Sweet gesture!

  15. Thanks for writing this it’s putting some thoughts I had to rest. Healing : )

  16. :-) Thanks

  17. Daphine charles says:

    Thanks jimmy i wish both of u d best.

  18. But Jimmy – did you ever marry Sabrina??? I’m dying to know what happened with you two.

  19. Thank you for this. Wish more men would say it like it is because we need to hear it too…

  20. Speaking openly how refreshing…thank you for the glimpse into you heart :)

  21. Thank you for the article, but as I read it I wondered if this person you loved so much ever knew how you ever felt.

  22. I read this article and its so beautiful, Its nice to know that guys have a more sensitive side and not always so hard. I met my boyfriend about 61/2 years ago and at first would not give him the time a day. My mom nagged at me about how I should be more sweeter to him like he was to me, but I told her “momma he is a player im not his type trust me on this” lol He hated that I wouldn’t give him that chance so he wouldn’t leave me alone lol it was so cute and so annoying all at the same time! Douglas worked at me for about 6 months and it was like he got a little further each time with me. Ok so you need to understand I was that girl that nobody noticed untill highschool and he was that boy with a different girlfriend every week lol! Never-the-less I started to like him a little more and more each time we talked. One day I got a wild hair and seen him walking alone and just jumped in his arms and kissed him lol he had a tounge ring at the time it was my curiousty! To this day he reminds me of that kiss and maybe that was when he fell in love with me im not sure, but I am so glad I took that chance to be with him because he is the best I love him so much. Its crazy how love works even when you dont want it, or in denial lol! Thanks for this article it made me remember why I love him so much and why he first fell in love with me!

  23. nice article! I love hearing about men and love, because it’s usually harder to get men to talk about subjects such as this. Especially because you admit in the beginning to having been a man-whore through most of your twenties :) I love your honesty!

  24. Beautiful. Wish I was able to fall in love like this. Cheers

  25. That Guy over there says:

    Not gonna lie, got a little man tear right now. Well said, and here I’ve been thinking that I was a looney for thinking things like this.

  26. Wonderful share. Thank you.

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