A LOLcat Perspective on Purr-nography

Marcat LOLliams iz in ur porn stash, hazzing opinions, taking catnaps, and chasing shiny spots.

O hai, Readerz!!

I hurdz dat some peepl tinkz teh pikshurz of puss-z gives deh tomcatz dain bramage, or makez dem all frisky 4 their own litter, an I wuz like OMFG!!!! Pikshurz of puss-z iz so nice, why iz peepel scared itz giving rabeez and crazeez jes by caturbatin 2 it???

Don’t put wurdz in my mowf. I hate wen wurdz get put in my mowf I’z not meow!!!!  I’z not sezzing dat kitteh pr0n is okfine or dat puss-z dat not wanna-b pikshured shood b forced lyk taking a baff. I hatez teh baff it makez my furz all cold an itz even wurser 2 make pikshurz w/out enthusicatsick catsent. And kitteh pr0n not even full grown is teh wurstest. DO U SEE MY BACK HAIRZ ALL STANDING UP WHILE I’M HISSING AT HOW UNKEWL DAT IZ?!?!!1  Dat’s enuf bowt dat.

Herestehthingtho – pikshurz of teh kewl puss-z R rilly rilly fun to. . .OMFG! I JUST HAD A PURRGASM THINKING ABOWT IT!!!!! My brane still feelz fine. And I doesnt feel lyk I wanna go mate wif sum tiny kittehs. A catnap sounds lyk a good idea, tho. B rightback.

Imback. I feelz all refreshing an not so much wanting to scratch evry other kitteh I see now. Wherewuzi? O rite. Puss-z pickshurs not all bad. U jes haz to treats it lyk ball of yarn. Shur itz fun to play wif nice ball of yarn – Whoos teh kewt kitteh? I am! I am! – but you can’t jes only play wif yarn all teh tyme an furgetz to take brakes fur napping, praying to teh can opener when it turnz canz, taking sun baff on teh cat ledges under windows, an chasin’ dat shiny spot on teh carpit dat keepz movin awl teh damn time. Stay still!! I’z goin to catch you dis tyme, shinyspot!!!!

Nuthin gainst ownerz, but lotsa ownerz act like lookin at puss-z pickshurs iz undomestik, lyk itz a durty alleykat habit. Well ekskews me, but I iz hazzing a probwem wif all dis alleykat shaming. Jes cuz U give a kitteh kibble every day doezn’t mean he dropz hiz instinks in teh litterbox, behind the cowch, or wherever else he lykes to leave dog bait. Whether he haz the bestest scratching post in awl teh wurld, or still chasin mousies in teh alley every day, hiz instinks are just instinks. OWNERZ WHO SHAME ALLEYKATS MAKE ME WANT TO SQUIRT THEM IN TEH FACE WITH A WATER BOTTL OVER AN OVER!!

Looking at puss-z pickshurs iznt az ROWWWWR! az looking at real puss-z in heat, but do you know how often a howsecat like me sees any kittehs in heat come thru? Not az much az I’d like, ifyouknowwhatImean. So pickshurs help. Shur lickin my own nads iz gr8, but I lykez to look at puss-z sometymes an preten I’m lickin it instea—OMFG!! I need another catnap.

To sumpurrize, not awl puss-z pickshurz r bad. Teh nice ones givez me purrgasms an catnaps, but real puss-z in heat IZ TEH BEST ALWAYS AN FOREVER!!!!1!! There’s more to nine lifes den jes puss-z and pickshurs of puss-y, tho, like catching dat muthereffin shiny spot on teh carpit!

kthxsbai

 

Read more in Men Are Funny.

Image credits: boondockphotography,  tigger1fic / Flickr

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About Marcus Williams

Marcus Williams writes what he knows, which is a lot about a little and not much about everything else.

Comments

  1. Michael Philp says:

    I laughed heartily, excellent article.

  2. hehe, interesting read.
    marcus man, was the catnip in yr nostrils when you wrote this ;-)

Trackbacks

  1. [...]   (This is the first in a seven-part series over seven days, in colloboration with the Good Men Project, addressing the question: Is Porn a Good  Thing? For GMP’s first two in the series, Pleasureland and O Hai Porn.) [...]

  2. [...]   (This article contains extracts from Ben’s recently published book, The Sex God – No Mud No Lotus. This article is also the second in a seven-part series over seven days, in colloboration with the Good Men Project, addressing the question: Is Porn a Good  Thing? For GMP’s first two in the series, Pleasureland and O Hai Porn.) [...]

  3. [...]   (This article contains extracts from Ben’s recently published book, The Sex God – No Mud No Lotus. This article is also the second in a seven-part series over seven days, in colloboration with the Good Men Project, addressing the question: Is Porn a Good  Thing? For GMP’s first two in the series, Pleasureland and O Hai Porn.) [...]

  4. [...] A LOLcat Perspective on Purr-nography Marcat LOLliams iz in ur porn stash, hazzing opinions, taking catnaps, and chasing shiny spots. [...]

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